"How easy it would be if we could just simplify the mind of a complicated person..."
These week has been very eventful.
In fact, it’s been one of the most colourful moments I’ve had in a long time.
But as faced-paced as it may have seemed to be, there were of course a few important moments which I seriously feel would make a difference.
It’s been a moment of discovery.
For the answers which I have been searching for, of course, not all are fruitful as I have intended.
But in the process of asking the questions, I have learned that not all of them needed to be answered.
And in the end, I realised that the facts have been laid out in front of my very own eyes all these while.
It’s also a moment of comfort.
For the feeling of being insecure are addressed somehow, that it was really unwarranted & things should be taken a step at a time.
But unless issues are ironed out & words are traded, there will never be an avenue for an understanding.
And I realised, that no matter how many times certain words could be repeated, they would still not mean a thing if they don’t come from the heart.
It’s a moment of recognition, nonetheless.
For out of the many automobile car clubs, the Sakura Stallionz were invited to one of the biggest gathering of motoring enthusiasts which provided the platform for the team to grow.
But still, as usual, things did not always happen as we have expected them to, resulting in certain levels of frustrations no thanks to the inability to meet certain objectives.
And then it occurs to me that perhaps, the only way to truly enjoy the limelight as a leader of the team & to ensure the sentiments of the members are contained, I would have to forgo my perception of perfection & allow the remnants of the events to be as memorable as possible.
It’s a moment of deliverance as well.
For it has been some time since I last walked a whole complex on my own & I must admit, it really feels liberating as for once, I did not have to look left or right or ask if there’s anything else we may have left out. Not to say I don’t enjoy doing these, but just to strengthen the conviction that there is just enough company when you’re alone.
But then, barely half a movie into the 2-movie marathon, my thoughts were automatically transported away, bits by bits, pieces by pieces just as how the plot of the movie gets thicker.
And I end up not being able to stop myself from actually buying stuff for her instead of my earier intention to pamper myself through retail therapy.
It’s a moment of unlimited connectivity.
For the Batcave is finally broadband-ready, many thanks to Robyn who, in the first place; took the set of internet connection application form from the management office, sent an enquiry email to the service providing company for them to contact me, inspired me to finally fill out the form, waited with me while the bunch of installation contractors were doing their work at the Batcave, purchased a wifi router at an exceptionally good price & even assigned the very best IT Whiz-kid on the block to come over to the Batcave just moments before midnight to configure the wifi settings so that I could go online that night itself.
But I have had my doubts, for despite the "freedom of connection", I was worried that "physical time" would be lost.
And I had to ask the stupid question, if that would happen.
Of course, I wouldn’t say I know what sort of reply to expect or whether I liked what I heard, but somehow; I guess I should have known better that the answer would have been just that.
It’s also been a moment of reflection.
For out of my mom’s 5 brothers, 4 have had one form of experience with cardiovascular disease, the latest being our Uncle James who is now recuperating in ICU from a triple-bypass performed on him yesterday. His 2 younger brothers did not enjoy his fortune, they checked out when anybody could find out that they had such a problem.
But until we change the way we live or we manage to convince our mothers (who cook for us most of the time) that that extra spoonful of lard would only make our lives more miserable while only entertaining our tongues, we would only be blaming genetics.
And it may have been too late to do anything by then because there would not have been a point to achieve anything at that time as well.
Rest well, Uncle James. Get well soon.
We have many things to catch up on, because it’s been a while since we’ve last met.
Well, there you have it.
It really is simple to find out what would be considered important in my complicated mind.
Easy, isn’t it?
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Life Well Spent...
"What's the use of having everything we want, when we can't even take care of the important things we need?"
There are some people whom we hope to have the opportunity to meet; but when we meet them, we doubt if they’re really the right person.
Most probably, it’s best not to have met them at all...
There are some things which we hope to have the opportunity to achieve; but when that time comes, we would have lost interest to do it altogether & forget why we even bothered to think about getting it done in the first place...
There could also be some words which we may have kept in our hearts, eagerly waiting for the right time to be spoken, hoping that someone would understand it when we say them; but when the timing seemed perfect; we find that the cat has stolen our tongue...
There is also the love which waits for a chance to be expressed in thoughts, words & deeds; but when loves overflows its brim, the word "love" itself has lost its very meaning...
Then, there are people who get the opportunity to be with each other very frequently; however, they never seem to find the means for a fulfilling communication.
Finally, there just seem to be no reason to be with each other anymore.
There are also things which we may have every opportunity to achieve & make a difference; but we choose to procrastinate & think that all these can wait.
When we finally feel that we’re up to it & would want to get them done, that opportunity may have been taken away & we could only wallow in self-pity thinking why we couldn’t have done all those earlier.
Of course, there are also words that we have all the opportunity to say; but due to our egos or we expect others to accept our nature for such things, we would rather put them off for another time & day, or choose not to say them.
But when we finally want to say them, the person to say these to may no longer be around to hear them.
And the painful truth of the matter is that there are many occasions when love was so bountiful to be enjoyed & experienced; but we never really appreciated this fact & never really did cherish anything.
And when we finally are ready to accept this love, it could very well be already too late.
Life is such, fragility at every corner.
We can never know what happens tomorrow.
Or if there will ever be a tomorrow.
For before we know it, we would have wasted our lives on things which did not matter at all in the first place, and having forsaken what it is that could have made us happier.
Or worse, ignoring the happiness & the opportunity to truly make a difference in other’s lives by simply just, loving them.
We may go around in circles while being caught up in our everyday worries, physically & emotionally fatigued, while all the while focusing on the wrong people, items or events.
And we end up asking, why certain things didn’t work out when it is us who couldn’t recognise it when it’s at work.
Suddenly, you realise that relationships are as fragile as life itself.
Having braced through the storm may not necessarily help to improve certain relationship, for it would mean a disaster anyhow if both party did not work together to stay afloat.
It’s the folding of the sail together at the end of the storm which may make the difference.
Would we be able to let go of certain grudges or bad episodes to truly cherish one another?
For, wasn’t it fate that has brought us together?
We should always count our blessings.
Instead of being separated, even if we live across each other’s dwellings, we may not have bumped into each other.
We may have continued on in our daily lives, doing what we think is important, saying what we want to say, meeting whom we would want to meet, throwing our love away to people who may not even matter to begin with.
Really, that when we finally realise that you & I are truly made for each other, when we are in each other’s arms in that long-awaited embrace, the warmth of it will only make us burst out in laughter of joy & happiness.
We could also very well be kicking ourselves as to why it took such a long time to realise what is already very evident.
And then, when we look back, we would have already spent almost half of our lives searching for what has already been in front of us all these while.
So, cherish all that you have today.
For each & every person around you are there for a reason.
Things are done or left undone, said or left unsaid are all for a bigger cause.
So that you & I could find ourselves in each other’s embrace for many, many more lifetimes to come.
There are some people whom we hope to have the opportunity to meet; but when we meet them, we doubt if they’re really the right person.
Most probably, it’s best not to have met them at all...
There are some things which we hope to have the opportunity to achieve; but when that time comes, we would have lost interest to do it altogether & forget why we even bothered to think about getting it done in the first place...
There could also be some words which we may have kept in our hearts, eagerly waiting for the right time to be spoken, hoping that someone would understand it when we say them; but when the timing seemed perfect; we find that the cat has stolen our tongue...
There is also the love which waits for a chance to be expressed in thoughts, words & deeds; but when loves overflows its brim, the word "love" itself has lost its very meaning...
Then, there are people who get the opportunity to be with each other very frequently; however, they never seem to find the means for a fulfilling communication.
Finally, there just seem to be no reason to be with each other anymore.
There are also things which we may have every opportunity to achieve & make a difference; but we choose to procrastinate & think that all these can wait.
When we finally feel that we’re up to it & would want to get them done, that opportunity may have been taken away & we could only wallow in self-pity thinking why we couldn’t have done all those earlier.
Of course, there are also words that we have all the opportunity to say; but due to our egos or we expect others to accept our nature for such things, we would rather put them off for another time & day, or choose not to say them.
But when we finally want to say them, the person to say these to may no longer be around to hear them.
And the painful truth of the matter is that there are many occasions when love was so bountiful to be enjoyed & experienced; but we never really appreciated this fact & never really did cherish anything.
And when we finally are ready to accept this love, it could very well be already too late.
Life is such, fragility at every corner.
We can never know what happens tomorrow.
Or if there will ever be a tomorrow.
For before we know it, we would have wasted our lives on things which did not matter at all in the first place, and having forsaken what it is that could have made us happier.
Or worse, ignoring the happiness & the opportunity to truly make a difference in other’s lives by simply just, loving them.
We may go around in circles while being caught up in our everyday worries, physically & emotionally fatigued, while all the while focusing on the wrong people, items or events.
And we end up asking, why certain things didn’t work out when it is us who couldn’t recognise it when it’s at work.
Suddenly, you realise that relationships are as fragile as life itself.
Having braced through the storm may not necessarily help to improve certain relationship, for it would mean a disaster anyhow if both party did not work together to stay afloat.
It’s the folding of the sail together at the end of the storm which may make the difference.
Would we be able to let go of certain grudges or bad episodes to truly cherish one another?
For, wasn’t it fate that has brought us together?
We should always count our blessings.
Instead of being separated, even if we live across each other’s dwellings, we may not have bumped into each other.
We may have continued on in our daily lives, doing what we think is important, saying what we want to say, meeting whom we would want to meet, throwing our love away to people who may not even matter to begin with.
Really, that when we finally realise that you & I are truly made for each other, when we are in each other’s arms in that long-awaited embrace, the warmth of it will only make us burst out in laughter of joy & happiness.
We could also very well be kicking ourselves as to why it took such a long time to realise what is already very evident.
And then, when we look back, we would have already spent almost half of our lives searching for what has already been in front of us all these while.
So, cherish all that you have today.
For each & every person around you are there for a reason.
Things are done or left undone, said or left unsaid are all for a bigger cause.
So that you & I could find ourselves in each other’s embrace for many, many more lifetimes to come.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Fish by the Kilo, Anyone?
"Take nothing but memories, while you leave footprints in others’ hearts..."
I am sure most of us are occupied one way or another by our passions.
Some of us, it is our work.
Not the job, I meant our work.
For things that you are passionate about should not be that which sustains your livelihood, because passionate or not, you’d still have to do it.
Some of us; our hobbies.
And I know a few people who have quite a few of these as well.
Some of us; our friends & family.
We’re passionate about them.
But then again, how sure are you that they would feel the same?
Good point huh?
Whereas for me, I am passionate about 1 thing; to make each & every day a memorable one.
I pride myself with the bane of a good memory.
Selective, if you may, while I have been described as a person who would only remember the stuff which I so choose to remember.
And since I find it difficult to forget mostly the bad stuff, why not make everything which is good as memorable as the mind can take me?
Of course, not every day is a highlight of the week.
However, I always try my best to take a mental picture of the moments of the day, no matter how insignificant they may seem.
It is interesting how things unfold as the day draws to a close, coz at the end of the day, whatever that has happened, the people we have met, the words that have been spoken should be as unique as the new day itself.
As such, every single note I read, every word I hear & every little detail would not escape my senses.
Especially those of the people who matter to me in my life.
Every smile, every frown, every sigh would mean deeply to me.
Life is defined by these moments, not by the years in our age...
But in the midst of this blinding passion of mine to make the day memorable, some things would inevitably be forsaken; for example, how would she feel if everything she says or does would seem to be under scrutiny?
How little is the space that she would feel entrapped in when I tend to make every arrangement of the day so that I could remember them as I would want to, without figuring if that is really what she wanted?
Wouldn’t I then be selfish, for what I am passionate about in the day may not be such a driving force for others whom I have taken all the liberty in the world to include?
As such, wouldn’t it be a totally fresh revelation to be told that I may have not been very sensitive to her feelings since I have not been liberal enough to even ask if that is what she really wants to do?
As egoistic as I am, I must admit, that in my quest to keep my passion burning & thinking everybody’s happy since I am happy, I was really very selfish.
I cannot deny that I have been self-centred, that only my goals are to be met & I would want to be the one who goes home smiling.
I have failed to realise that this is the very fundamental basis of a relationship: Space.
That once, this was the reason I was feeling strangled & looking back at some of my earlier postings in this blog, I was once struggling to stay afloat as well.
It didn’t matter that the fear of losing someone is now more empowering than the joy of the possibility of winning her over for life.
Well, I have learned a lesson.
I pray that most of you would not have to.
I am really glad I did.
P.S.: Managed to catch the 3 stories posted earlier today? Go ahead, scroll down. Enjoy them...
I am sure most of us are occupied one way or another by our passions.
Some of us, it is our work.
Not the job, I meant our work.
For things that you are passionate about should not be that which sustains your livelihood, because passionate or not, you’d still have to do it.
Some of us; our hobbies.
And I know a few people who have quite a few of these as well.
Some of us; our friends & family.
We’re passionate about them.
But then again, how sure are you that they would feel the same?
Good point huh?
Whereas for me, I am passionate about 1 thing; to make each & every day a memorable one.
I pride myself with the bane of a good memory.
Selective, if you may, while I have been described as a person who would only remember the stuff which I so choose to remember.
And since I find it difficult to forget mostly the bad stuff, why not make everything which is good as memorable as the mind can take me?
Of course, not every day is a highlight of the week.
However, I always try my best to take a mental picture of the moments of the day, no matter how insignificant they may seem.
It is interesting how things unfold as the day draws to a close, coz at the end of the day, whatever that has happened, the people we have met, the words that have been spoken should be as unique as the new day itself.
As such, every single note I read, every word I hear & every little detail would not escape my senses.
Especially those of the people who matter to me in my life.
Every smile, every frown, every sigh would mean deeply to me.
Life is defined by these moments, not by the years in our age...
But in the midst of this blinding passion of mine to make the day memorable, some things would inevitably be forsaken; for example, how would she feel if everything she says or does would seem to be under scrutiny?
How little is the space that she would feel entrapped in when I tend to make every arrangement of the day so that I could remember them as I would want to, without figuring if that is really what she wanted?
Wouldn’t I then be selfish, for what I am passionate about in the day may not be such a driving force for others whom I have taken all the liberty in the world to include?
As such, wouldn’t it be a totally fresh revelation to be told that I may have not been very sensitive to her feelings since I have not been liberal enough to even ask if that is what she really wants to do?
As egoistic as I am, I must admit, that in my quest to keep my passion burning & thinking everybody’s happy since I am happy, I was really very selfish.
I cannot deny that I have been self-centred, that only my goals are to be met & I would want to be the one who goes home smiling.
I have failed to realise that this is the very fundamental basis of a relationship: Space.
That once, this was the reason I was feeling strangled & looking back at some of my earlier postings in this blog, I was once struggling to stay afloat as well.
It didn’t matter that the fear of losing someone is now more empowering than the joy of the possibility of winning her over for life.
Well, I have learned a lesson.
I pray that most of you would not have to.
I am really glad I did.
P.S.: Managed to catch the 3 stories posted earlier today? Go ahead, scroll down. Enjoy them...
Modern Fables...
I have come across these stories in an email I received from a dear friend.
Thanks for sharing.
These really hit me hard.
Let's hope we can all learn from them as well.
Cheers.
1. The Turtles
A turtle family decided to go on a picnic. The turtles, being naturally slow about things, took seven years to prepare for their outing. Finally the turtle family left home looking for a suitable place. During the second year of their journey they found a place ideal for them at last!
For about six months they cleaned the area, unpacked the picnic basket, and completed the arrangements. Then they discovered they had forgotten the salt.
A picnic without salt would be a disaster, they all agreed. After a lengthy discussion, the youngest turtle was chosen to retrieve the salt from home.
Although he was the fastest of the slow moving turtles, the little turtle whined, cried, and wobbled in his shell. He agreed to go on one condition: that no one would eat until he returned. The family consented and the little turtle left.
Three years passed and the little turtle had not returned.
Five years...six years... then on the seventh year of his absence, the oldest turtle could no longer contain his hunger.
He announced that he was going to eat and begun to unwrap a sandwich.
At that point the little turtle suddenly popped out from behind a tree shouting,
'See! I knew you wouldn't wait. Now I am not going to go get the salt.'
[Some of us waste our time waiting for people to live up to our expectations. We are so concerned about what others are doing that we do not do anything ourselves...]
2. The Frogs
A farmer came into town and asked the owner of a restaurant if he could use a million frog legs.
The restaurant owner was shocked and asked the man where he could get so many frog legs!
The farmer replied, 'There is a pond near my house that is full of frogs - millions of them. They all croak all night long and they are about to make me crazy!'
So the restaurant owner and the farmer made an agreement that the farmer would deliver frogs to the restaurant, five hundred at a time for the next several weeks.
The first week, the farmer returned to the restaurant looking rather sheepish, with two scrawny little frogs.
The restaurant owner said, 'Well... where are all the frogs?'
The farmer said, 'I was mistaken. There were only these two frogs in the pond. But they sure were making a lot of noise!'
[Next time you hear somebody criticizing or making fun of you, remember, it's probably just a couple of noisy frogs. Also remember that problems always seem bigger in the dark. Have you ever laid in your bed at night worrying about things which seem almost overwhelming like a million frogs croaking? Chances are pretty good that when the morning comes, and you take a closer look, you'll wonder what all the fuss was about...]
3. The Pretty Lady
Once upon a time a big monk and a little monk were traveling together. They came to the bank of a river and found the bridge was damaged. They had to wade across the river. There was a pretty lady who was stuck at the damaged bridge and couldn't cross the river.
The big monk offered to carry her across the river on his back. The lady accepted. The little monk was shocked by the move of the big monk.
'How can big brother carry a lady when we are supposed to avoid all intimacy with females?' thought the little monk.
But he kept quiet... The big monk carried the lady across the river and the small monk followed unhappily.
When they crossed the river, the big monk let the lady down and they parted ways with her. All along the way for several miles, the little monk was very unhappy with the act of the big monk.
He was making up all kinds of accusations about big monk in his head. This got him madder and madder. But he still kept quiet. And the big monk had no inclination to explain his situation.
Finally, at a rest point many hours later, the little monk could not stand it any further, he burst out angrily at the big monk.
'How can you claim yourself a devout monk, when you seize the first opportunity to touch a female, especially when she is very pretty? All your teachings to me make you a big hypocrite!'
The big monk looked surprised and said, 'I had put down the pretty lady at the river bank many hours ago, how come you are still carrying her along?'
[This very old Chinese Zen story reflects the thinking of many people today. We encounter many unpleasant things in our life, they irritate us and they make us angry. Sometimes, they cause us a lot of hurt, sometimes they cause us to be bitter or jealous ...
But like the little monk, we are not willing to let them go away.We keep on carrying the baggage of the 'pretty lady' with us. We let them keep on coming back to hurt us, make us angry, make us bitter and cause us a lot of agony. Why? Simply because we are not willing to put down or let go of the baggage of the 'pretty lady'. We should let go of the pretty lady immediately after crossing the river.
This will immediately remove all our agonies. There is no need to be further hurt by the unpleasant event after it is over...]
Thanks for sharing.
These really hit me hard.
Let's hope we can all learn from them as well.
Cheers.
1. The Turtles
A turtle family decided to go on a picnic. The turtles, being naturally slow about things, took seven years to prepare for their outing. Finally the turtle family left home looking for a suitable place. During the second year of their journey they found a place ideal for them at last!
For about six months they cleaned the area, unpacked the picnic basket, and completed the arrangements. Then they discovered they had forgotten the salt.
A picnic without salt would be a disaster, they all agreed. After a lengthy discussion, the youngest turtle was chosen to retrieve the salt from home.
Although he was the fastest of the slow moving turtles, the little turtle whined, cried, and wobbled in his shell. He agreed to go on one condition: that no one would eat until he returned. The family consented and the little turtle left.
Three years passed and the little turtle had not returned.
Five years...six years... then on the seventh year of his absence, the oldest turtle could no longer contain his hunger.
He announced that he was going to eat and begun to unwrap a sandwich.
At that point the little turtle suddenly popped out from behind a tree shouting,
'See! I knew you wouldn't wait. Now I am not going to go get the salt.'
[Some of us waste our time waiting for people to live up to our expectations. We are so concerned about what others are doing that we do not do anything ourselves...]
2. The Frogs
A farmer came into town and asked the owner of a restaurant if he could use a million frog legs.
The restaurant owner was shocked and asked the man where he could get so many frog legs!
The farmer replied, 'There is a pond near my house that is full of frogs - millions of them. They all croak all night long and they are about to make me crazy!'
So the restaurant owner and the farmer made an agreement that the farmer would deliver frogs to the restaurant, five hundred at a time for the next several weeks.
The first week, the farmer returned to the restaurant looking rather sheepish, with two scrawny little frogs.
The restaurant owner said, 'Well... where are all the frogs?'
The farmer said, 'I was mistaken. There were only these two frogs in the pond. But they sure were making a lot of noise!'
[Next time you hear somebody criticizing or making fun of you, remember, it's probably just a couple of noisy frogs. Also remember that problems always seem bigger in the dark. Have you ever laid in your bed at night worrying about things which seem almost overwhelming like a million frogs croaking? Chances are pretty good that when the morning comes, and you take a closer look, you'll wonder what all the fuss was about...]
3. The Pretty Lady
Once upon a time a big monk and a little monk were traveling together. They came to the bank of a river and found the bridge was damaged. They had to wade across the river. There was a pretty lady who was stuck at the damaged bridge and couldn't cross the river.
The big monk offered to carry her across the river on his back. The lady accepted. The little monk was shocked by the move of the big monk.
'How can big brother carry a lady when we are supposed to avoid all intimacy with females?' thought the little monk.
But he kept quiet... The big monk carried the lady across the river and the small monk followed unhappily.
When they crossed the river, the big monk let the lady down and they parted ways with her. All along the way for several miles, the little monk was very unhappy with the act of the big monk.
He was making up all kinds of accusations about big monk in his head. This got him madder and madder. But he still kept quiet. And the big monk had no inclination to explain his situation.
Finally, at a rest point many hours later, the little monk could not stand it any further, he burst out angrily at the big monk.
'How can you claim yourself a devout monk, when you seize the first opportunity to touch a female, especially when she is very pretty? All your teachings to me make you a big hypocrite!'
The big monk looked surprised and said, 'I had put down the pretty lady at the river bank many hours ago, how come you are still carrying her along?'
[This very old Chinese Zen story reflects the thinking of many people today. We encounter many unpleasant things in our life, they irritate us and they make us angry. Sometimes, they cause us a lot of hurt, sometimes they cause us to be bitter or jealous ...
But like the little monk, we are not willing to let them go away.We keep on carrying the baggage of the 'pretty lady' with us. We let them keep on coming back to hurt us, make us angry, make us bitter and cause us a lot of agony. Why? Simply because we are not willing to put down or let go of the baggage of the 'pretty lady'. We should let go of the pretty lady immediately after crossing the river.
This will immediately remove all our agonies. There is no need to be further hurt by the unpleasant event after it is over...]
Friday, October 9, 2009
My Left Eye...
"There are 4 things in life that we must never break: trust, relationship, promise & heart; for when these break there is no sound but eternal pain..."
I finally replaced the box of tissue paper in the car, after having a new box in standby mode for a couple of days.
No, not because I was lazy to replace it, there were about 3 pieces of tissue paper left in the old one.
I am sure, coz I finally used them up last night.
And I had to struggle to get off the car coz all that "wiping" displaced the contact lens in my left eye.
These things don’t wear as easily as they used to, many thanks to my ever-swelling eye bags.
I used to hear some people say, that being happy is more than an emotion.
It should also not be mistaken as merely feeling happy.
Some have also tried to convince me that happiness is more than just a state-of-mind.
But actually, I do not in any way need to be reminded, that being happy is a choice.
Somehow, I cannot be sure if this statement is applicable anymore.
I am constantly amazed by my own actions, my words, my thoughts & my reaction to certain things.
In fact, these few days, I am actually trying very unsuccessfully not to kick myself too hard for backing out of a decision which I have painfully made in order for things to turn out better; not necessarily better for me, but most probably very necessary.
For if I chose as such, would I be able to pick myself up again.
After all, things in life are more than just sticks that lay there for the picking.
If I ever garner that sort of courage to do it, would it be because I am not able to see any other option? If so, would it still be considered a choice?
If such is the move I take, would I then be able to choose to be happy?
So, is it still so much of a choice?
I finally replaced the box of tissue paper in the car, after having a new box in standby mode for a couple of days.
No, not because I was lazy to replace it, there were about 3 pieces of tissue paper left in the old one.
I am sure, coz I finally used them up last night.
And I had to struggle to get off the car coz all that "wiping" displaced the contact lens in my left eye.
These things don’t wear as easily as they used to, many thanks to my ever-swelling eye bags.
I used to hear some people say, that being happy is more than an emotion.
It should also not be mistaken as merely feeling happy.
Some have also tried to convince me that happiness is more than just a state-of-mind.
But actually, I do not in any way need to be reminded, that being happy is a choice.
Somehow, I cannot be sure if this statement is applicable anymore.
I am constantly amazed by my own actions, my words, my thoughts & my reaction to certain things.
In fact, these few days, I am actually trying very unsuccessfully not to kick myself too hard for backing out of a decision which I have painfully made in order for things to turn out better; not necessarily better for me, but most probably very necessary.
For if I chose as such, would I be able to pick myself up again.
After all, things in life are more than just sticks that lay there for the picking.
If I ever garner that sort of courage to do it, would it be because I am not able to see any other option? If so, would it still be considered a choice?
If such is the move I take, would I then be able to choose to be happy?
So, is it still so much of a choice?
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Living in the Now...
"Yesterday is History & Tomorrow's a Mystery. Today is a Gift, that's why it's called The Present..."
It’s been some time since I have last posted something.
Maybe due to the uncertainty of my own state-of-mind, the doubts which never seem to want to clear off, the insecurity I am facing...
For fear of creating an impression of taking you guys for a roller-coaster ride, I chose to "blog-hibernate" these few days while I sort of "sort out" what’s been playing around in my head.
Of course, there were some ups & downs.
When hopes were fulfilled & some expectations dashed.
Maybe the harshest lesson I have learned is not to expect anything, go with the flow, just do what comes naturally & be prepared that not all would go the way as we mostly wish.
Somehow, I have also buckled up some courage to figure out certain things.
Things which I have for so long, kept at the back of my head out of fear.
However, I found that the less I use my mind to process things meant to be sorted out by heart, the happier I became.
Needless to say, the reaction would mostly be positive, and happiness, as they say, is contagious.
Probably the line to the Barry Manilow classic comes to mind:
"You see I feel sad when you're sad; I feel glad when you're glad..."
I have also stumbled across The Great Counsellor’s blog by "God-incidence" (for there is no such thing as a coincidence) and what a revelation it has been.
To see things through her perspective is such an eye-opener for me.
The greatest gift by coming across this blog is to realise that there is always a different way to look at anything.
Well, you know who you are.
God’s job well done.
So, I guess for now, I would just soak it up while I can.
For there really is no telling what will happen next.
Heck, who can even tell me what would be up tomorrow?
For someone who would most probably skip a few heartbeats now & then, I am glad to be awake to the sound of my alarm & making that daily wake-up call to the person who matters most to me in this point of my life.
So no more fretting for me, I am afraid...
For yesterday’s gone & tomorrow is uncertain.
All we have now is today.
Cheers.
It’s been some time since I have last posted something.
Maybe due to the uncertainty of my own state-of-mind, the doubts which never seem to want to clear off, the insecurity I am facing...
For fear of creating an impression of taking you guys for a roller-coaster ride, I chose to "blog-hibernate" these few days while I sort of "sort out" what’s been playing around in my head.
Of course, there were some ups & downs.
When hopes were fulfilled & some expectations dashed.
Maybe the harshest lesson I have learned is not to expect anything, go with the flow, just do what comes naturally & be prepared that not all would go the way as we mostly wish.
Somehow, I have also buckled up some courage to figure out certain things.
Things which I have for so long, kept at the back of my head out of fear.
However, I found that the less I use my mind to process things meant to be sorted out by heart, the happier I became.
Needless to say, the reaction would mostly be positive, and happiness, as they say, is contagious.
Probably the line to the Barry Manilow classic comes to mind:
"You see I feel sad when you're sad; I feel glad when you're glad..."
I have also stumbled across The Great Counsellor’s blog by "God-incidence" (for there is no such thing as a coincidence) and what a revelation it has been.
To see things through her perspective is such an eye-opener for me.
The greatest gift by coming across this blog is to realise that there is always a different way to look at anything.
Well, you know who you are.
God’s job well done.
So, I guess for now, I would just soak it up while I can.
For there really is no telling what will happen next.
Heck, who can even tell me what would be up tomorrow?
For someone who would most probably skip a few heartbeats now & then, I am glad to be awake to the sound of my alarm & making that daily wake-up call to the person who matters most to me in this point of my life.
So no more fretting for me, I am afraid...
For yesterday’s gone & tomorrow is uncertain.
All we have now is today.
Cheers.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Half Full, Half Empty?
"Instead of looking at what we have lost, why not look at what we have left..."
In our daily lives, we are often caught with situations where we are challenged to do better than we have done before.
While most of us are led into the complacency of our beings, some of us accept this challenge as a means to improve ourselves.
Be it getting to office a little earlier just to make yourself feel good, or getting more done in the same amount of time compared to yesterday or even being able to accomplish more of the goals you’ve set out to achieve this year compared to last.
We are just made to improve ourselves.
It’s been this that has maintained the ecological balance of evolution.
In our relationship with others, as we get to know someone better, over time, we would be emotionally attached to that somebody.
The relationship would evolve, so to speak.
Especially when there have been instances when these 2 people have gone through some challenges together & are now even bonded stronger than before.
Expectations would arise.
Hearts would skip beats.
After all, we’re only human.
But what if, time just stopped & things that have happened in between create a rift between these 2 individuals, and worse still, they are now back to square 1?
So how now, brown cow?
Should they look at what they have gone through & put in the effort to rekindle what was lost?
Should they forget what has happened, start afresh, as though they have never met before & be "new" friends all over again, as though things are like with a computer, hard disk formatted & start anew – if this is even possible?
Perhaps they should just let things happen "naturally", good or bad, slowly drift apart & probably this would be the only painless straw to pull which inevitably leads to separation?
Or they should just give up any hopes & draw a line, in order to save up on the pain, anxiety & misery?
A dear friend keeps reminding me that "the glass is half full, Steve..." & not to dwell too much on the empty.
It is no doubt a difficult thing to do, but if it’s worth it, it has to be done.
As long as I can, I hope.
There you go; that "H" word again.
Ok, we’ll see.
In our daily lives, we are often caught with situations where we are challenged to do better than we have done before.
While most of us are led into the complacency of our beings, some of us accept this challenge as a means to improve ourselves.
Be it getting to office a little earlier just to make yourself feel good, or getting more done in the same amount of time compared to yesterday or even being able to accomplish more of the goals you’ve set out to achieve this year compared to last.
We are just made to improve ourselves.
It’s been this that has maintained the ecological balance of evolution.
In our relationship with others, as we get to know someone better, over time, we would be emotionally attached to that somebody.
The relationship would evolve, so to speak.
Especially when there have been instances when these 2 people have gone through some challenges together & are now even bonded stronger than before.
Expectations would arise.
Hearts would skip beats.
After all, we’re only human.
But what if, time just stopped & things that have happened in between create a rift between these 2 individuals, and worse still, they are now back to square 1?
So how now, brown cow?
Should they look at what they have gone through & put in the effort to rekindle what was lost?
Should they forget what has happened, start afresh, as though they have never met before & be "new" friends all over again, as though things are like with a computer, hard disk formatted & start anew – if this is even possible?
Perhaps they should just let things happen "naturally", good or bad, slowly drift apart & probably this would be the only painless straw to pull which inevitably leads to separation?
Or they should just give up any hopes & draw a line, in order to save up on the pain, anxiety & misery?
A dear friend keeps reminding me that "the glass is half full, Steve..." & not to dwell too much on the empty.
It is no doubt a difficult thing to do, but if it’s worth it, it has to be done.
As long as I can, I hope.
There you go; that "H" word again.
Ok, we’ll see.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Divided Mind, Tormented Soul
"H.O.P.E. is not just another 4-lettered word; it is the nourishment for life & love..."
There are times in our lives when we are going through some hardship, we do what’s necessary to overcome them, putting in all our attention, strength & determination to pull through because we can somehow be assured or have a slight sense of security that these will come to pass.
There also could have been times that we would have to deal with some form of "pain" in our lives, for example: the visit to the dentist, which would usually mean an experience to remember for a long time. One of my best Counsellors just had her "wisdom" removed. Not much effect on her making wise decisions, though, or being intellectual enough to ease others’ sufferings, but to her, this pain will end. It’s the hopes of things turning better which has kept her from throwing in the towel.
Or would this example be more effective in describing what I am trying to say?
Imagine with me for a while:
One day, you chanced upon a valuable item, a jewel, a gem of some sort.
Very rare, so rare that it could be said to be priceless & glorious beyond your wildest comprehension.
You have grown to be so emotionally attached to it that you would do anything in this world to protect it from harm.
But due to some unavoidable circumstances, and as they say that life would take you places if not home, you had to part with it, no matter how involuntarily.
While you’re away, another person managed to find it, took care of it to his best ability at that moment and in the same time has been accepted by everyone that he shall now be the rightful & lawful companion of this gem.
Needless to say, the memories of the days you have had still tug at your heart.
Until one day, you are fortunate enough to find it again, albeit in another person’s possession.
To see its colour fade, the clarity clouded & the shine beginning to show it’s lacklustre, you decide that no matter what, you would do as your heart tells you to: earn a chance to defend its sanctity & provide for it whatever it takes for it to return to its days of glory.
To the extent that you would make sacrifices which nobody would comprehend.
Yes, it was that powerful.
You managed to do so, and the person acknowledges you may have done a better job in this short period whilst he could only wish to be able to do for such a long time.
The fact is, you seem to complement each other, complete each other & fulfil each other in so many ways, it’s unimaginable.
But as they say, you’ll never know what happens tomorrow.
As you have already put in all your heart, soul & might into the effort of ensuring the future you would share with this piece of love of your life is blissful & happy, you cannot avoid the mistakes of your past coming back to haunt you.
It is at this moment when you are most vulnerable, you lose it again.
The previous guy finds out that he may have another shot & you somehow have to deal with the fact that you are after all, the loser which was meant to be.
For eventhough you may keep telling yourself to fix the haunting, you know that things have indeed changed.
And there really is no telling if it’ll ever be the same again.
Despondency, sadness & lost of hope creep in.
Because simply, to try hard in wrestling it away would mean to force for certain things to happen, however, by not doing anything, you could no longer be able to tell if there really should be hope in the first place.
You cannot forgive yourself.
For such a long time, the only thing you would want which you believe would complete your life was to be reunited with this precious jewel.
You had it, but you blew it.
You feel like being left alone in the tunnel.
There could only be left or right.
Not much of a choice, but you have still gotta make either one.
The hurt deepens.
For there was once light at the end of the tunnel.
It has somehow disappeared when you fumbled.
Then the flood gates open.
You are now nose-deep underwater, you struggle to stay afloat.
All you’ve ever wanted was to earn that trust back to protect what it was that you once lost.
The more you struggle, the more you feel like giving up.
The more you try, the further it drifts away from you.
Your sacrifices would mean you have burnt all bridges.
There is nothing to go back to.
Your world has stopped spinning when the flood gates opened, pouring millions of gallons of water from both ends of the tunnel.
You wouldn’t know if the light will ever shine for you again.
As far as you can tell, it is already given up from the events that have taken place.
No hope?
Maybe.
So now do you understand?
Or would it be easier for you to do so if you were to substitute the words "gem" and "jewel" with a person?
And the tunnel?
My life.
There are times in our lives when we are going through some hardship, we do what’s necessary to overcome them, putting in all our attention, strength & determination to pull through because we can somehow be assured or have a slight sense of security that these will come to pass.
There also could have been times that we would have to deal with some form of "pain" in our lives, for example: the visit to the dentist, which would usually mean an experience to remember for a long time. One of my best Counsellors just had her "wisdom" removed. Not much effect on her making wise decisions, though, or being intellectual enough to ease others’ sufferings, but to her, this pain will end. It’s the hopes of things turning better which has kept her from throwing in the towel.
Or would this example be more effective in describing what I am trying to say?
Imagine with me for a while:
One day, you chanced upon a valuable item, a jewel, a gem of some sort.
Very rare, so rare that it could be said to be priceless & glorious beyond your wildest comprehension.
You have grown to be so emotionally attached to it that you would do anything in this world to protect it from harm.
But due to some unavoidable circumstances, and as they say that life would take you places if not home, you had to part with it, no matter how involuntarily.
While you’re away, another person managed to find it, took care of it to his best ability at that moment and in the same time has been accepted by everyone that he shall now be the rightful & lawful companion of this gem.
Needless to say, the memories of the days you have had still tug at your heart.
Until one day, you are fortunate enough to find it again, albeit in another person’s possession.
To see its colour fade, the clarity clouded & the shine beginning to show it’s lacklustre, you decide that no matter what, you would do as your heart tells you to: earn a chance to defend its sanctity & provide for it whatever it takes for it to return to its days of glory.
To the extent that you would make sacrifices which nobody would comprehend.
Yes, it was that powerful.
You managed to do so, and the person acknowledges you may have done a better job in this short period whilst he could only wish to be able to do for such a long time.
The fact is, you seem to complement each other, complete each other & fulfil each other in so many ways, it’s unimaginable.
But as they say, you’ll never know what happens tomorrow.
As you have already put in all your heart, soul & might into the effort of ensuring the future you would share with this piece of love of your life is blissful & happy, you cannot avoid the mistakes of your past coming back to haunt you.
It is at this moment when you are most vulnerable, you lose it again.
The previous guy finds out that he may have another shot & you somehow have to deal with the fact that you are after all, the loser which was meant to be.
For eventhough you may keep telling yourself to fix the haunting, you know that things have indeed changed.
And there really is no telling if it’ll ever be the same again.
Despondency, sadness & lost of hope creep in.
Because simply, to try hard in wrestling it away would mean to force for certain things to happen, however, by not doing anything, you could no longer be able to tell if there really should be hope in the first place.
You cannot forgive yourself.
For such a long time, the only thing you would want which you believe would complete your life was to be reunited with this precious jewel.
You had it, but you blew it.
You feel like being left alone in the tunnel.
There could only be left or right.
Not much of a choice, but you have still gotta make either one.
The hurt deepens.
For there was once light at the end of the tunnel.
It has somehow disappeared when you fumbled.
Then the flood gates open.
You are now nose-deep underwater, you struggle to stay afloat.
All you’ve ever wanted was to earn that trust back to protect what it was that you once lost.
The more you struggle, the more you feel like giving up.
The more you try, the further it drifts away from you.
Your sacrifices would mean you have burnt all bridges.
There is nothing to go back to.
Your world has stopped spinning when the flood gates opened, pouring millions of gallons of water from both ends of the tunnel.
You wouldn’t know if the light will ever shine for you again.
As far as you can tell, it is already given up from the events that have taken place.
No hope?
Maybe.
So now do you understand?
Or would it be easier for you to do so if you were to substitute the words "gem" and "jewel" with a person?
And the tunnel?
My life.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
The Month-Long Drama
"Never part without loving words to remember you with during your absence.
It may be fated that in this life you will never meet again..."
I am glad that my last entry almost a month ago was of a good, meaningful & memorable account.
For if fate has its way that we do not meet again, then that very last entry - if not of positive content - would be the way I would eternally be remembered; sad, bitter, negative & emotional...
It’s been a while since I last posted an entry.
And what a while it has been.
Many events took place, many things happened, many words were traded, many sleepless nights endured, many tiresome hours beaten up standing, many ups & down experienced, many good things to remember and of course, many things I would have wished did not turn out the way they did.
For it was also during this time that I did the most thinking.
No words could describe the pictures in my mind when my synapses connect.
Especially when loneliness creeps in & the silence is so deafening, you can actually hear your mind work.
Just so you would know, things that we would hear during periods like these, especially during the lowest point of our lives, could be as frightening as they could be enlightening...
All in all, I survived.
The ordeal of the experience of potentially losing the world.
The pain of having endured endless cold days & nights.
The sorrow of regret.
Losing my soul.
I would never be able to forget; the doctor’s verdict, the anguish of the truth, the honesty of heart, the moment the door slammed, the dumbfounded moment where I could not move a muscle, the sensation of standing at the edge of the window, the visions of what has happened in life playing in Technicolor, the SOS call to the counsellor, the sorrow of making choices, the delivery of penitence, the fall down the stairs, the glimmer of hope from the tail lights, the feeling of being in limbo...
I once wondered if the weather is tied to our feelings or moods or emotions, just like in the movies...
If it is, I can’t wait for the director to yell "Cut!"
Coz in this "movie" of mine where the script is non-existent, I have run out of lines.
I do wish to walk out of the set alive.
I know for a fact my heart would never be the same.
I can only guess if my mind is still sane.
But what I can’t afford to lose is my soul.
That is, if I have not lost it yet.
Have I?
It may be fated that in this life you will never meet again..."
I am glad that my last entry almost a month ago was of a good, meaningful & memorable account.
For if fate has its way that we do not meet again, then that very last entry - if not of positive content - would be the way I would eternally be remembered; sad, bitter, negative & emotional...
It’s been a while since I last posted an entry.
And what a while it has been.
Many events took place, many things happened, many words were traded, many sleepless nights endured, many tiresome hours beaten up standing, many ups & down experienced, many good things to remember and of course, many things I would have wished did not turn out the way they did.
For it was also during this time that I did the most thinking.
No words could describe the pictures in my mind when my synapses connect.
Especially when loneliness creeps in & the silence is so deafening, you can actually hear your mind work.
Just so you would know, things that we would hear during periods like these, especially during the lowest point of our lives, could be as frightening as they could be enlightening...
All in all, I survived.
The ordeal of the experience of potentially losing the world.
The pain of having endured endless cold days & nights.
The sorrow of regret.
Losing my soul.
I would never be able to forget; the doctor’s verdict, the anguish of the truth, the honesty of heart, the moment the door slammed, the dumbfounded moment where I could not move a muscle, the sensation of standing at the edge of the window, the visions of what has happened in life playing in Technicolor, the SOS call to the counsellor, the sorrow of making choices, the delivery of penitence, the fall down the stairs, the glimmer of hope from the tail lights, the feeling of being in limbo...
I once wondered if the weather is tied to our feelings or moods or emotions, just like in the movies...
If it is, I can’t wait for the director to yell "Cut!"
Coz in this "movie" of mine where the script is non-existent, I have run out of lines.
I do wish to walk out of the set alive.
I know for a fact my heart would never be the same.
I can only guess if my mind is still sane.
But what I can’t afford to lose is my soul.
That is, if I have not lost it yet.
Have I?
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Brother, TaiKor, AhNeh, Hia Dee...
"Men who achieve great heights are seldom brought together based on common interests; it is in the differences which they work through that brings them to the scales which they reach..."
I have a brother whom I did not choose.
He came into the family through my Mom 3 years after I did.
There went my spotlight which I have had enjoyed for the first 3 years of my life.
Suddenly, it wasn’t only about me anymore.
Whenever there was a whimper, Mom & Dad or whomever were paying their "finally I managed to grab" attention to me earlier just scurry to his side to see if everything is ok.
They would also compliment on how he seemed a little bit cuter than I was when I was new-born in a different dialect or language, thinking I would not get what it was that they were saying.
"Hello.
I am 3 years old lah."
By then I had picked up 3 dialects & 3 different languages...
He grew up with his set of challenges, both to my parents & to himself.
However, all I could say today is that:
"Well, I may not have had a choice earlier, but given one, I would probably still want you as my brother..."
I use "probably", coz I am sure he should know that there are instances in which he could have done better.
Dude, don’t give up.
Keep trying.
You can do it!
After all, you’re my blood brother; so how much worse off could you get?
Hahaha... :)
There are also brothers of a different kind.
Those whom we get to choose.
Maybe in the beginning they are merely acquaintances.
But after a while & the things you go through together, you become friends.
The time will come when the level is raised when challenges you face together or happiness you share bring you closer.
It would also feel rather uncomfortable when you don’t meet each other for a certain period of time & feel something is missing in your usual self.
That’s when you realise that they have touched your lives & that they truly deserve a special place in your heart.
These guys, through your choosing, become your brothers.
I have been described as a person who picks his company very fervently.
I may not be very friendly at times & I do not practice discretion when displaying this fact.
But there is a band-of-brothers whom I trust with my life.
Literally.
For the things that we have gone through together are really experiences which money cannot buy.
That is exactly why, recently, I was saddened that before I was given an opportunity to utter my grievances, I felt judged on my current actions & inactions.
However, having faith that they would understand, I chose to unmask myself & let them see that I have not changed, just some situations & circumstances have adjusted themselves & I still am who they are comfortable being with.
What you see is what you get.
Nothing to hide.
Just good old FF.
God loves me.
Otherwise He would not have put me in the company of this group of kind-hearted people.
People I care for as much as they care for me.
People who trust that I carry the best of their interests at heart & carry mine in theirs.
People whom I am certain will be there with me no matter thick or thin, doing whatever they can in their capacity for what I believe in.
These people whom I call brothers of different mothers.
I love you all.
I have a brother whom I did not choose.
He came into the family through my Mom 3 years after I did.
There went my spotlight which I have had enjoyed for the first 3 years of my life.
Suddenly, it wasn’t only about me anymore.
Whenever there was a whimper, Mom & Dad or whomever were paying their "finally I managed to grab" attention to me earlier just scurry to his side to see if everything is ok.
They would also compliment on how he seemed a little bit cuter than I was when I was new-born in a different dialect or language, thinking I would not get what it was that they were saying.
"Hello.
I am 3 years old lah."
By then I had picked up 3 dialects & 3 different languages...
He grew up with his set of challenges, both to my parents & to himself.
However, all I could say today is that:
"Well, I may not have had a choice earlier, but given one, I would probably still want you as my brother..."
I use "probably", coz I am sure he should know that there are instances in which he could have done better.
Dude, don’t give up.
Keep trying.
You can do it!
After all, you’re my blood brother; so how much worse off could you get?
Hahaha... :)
There are also brothers of a different kind.
Those whom we get to choose.
Maybe in the beginning they are merely acquaintances.
But after a while & the things you go through together, you become friends.
The time will come when the level is raised when challenges you face together or happiness you share bring you closer.
It would also feel rather uncomfortable when you don’t meet each other for a certain period of time & feel something is missing in your usual self.
That’s when you realise that they have touched your lives & that they truly deserve a special place in your heart.
These guys, through your choosing, become your brothers.
I have been described as a person who picks his company very fervently.
I may not be very friendly at times & I do not practice discretion when displaying this fact.
But there is a band-of-brothers whom I trust with my life.
Literally.
For the things that we have gone through together are really experiences which money cannot buy.
That is exactly why, recently, I was saddened that before I was given an opportunity to utter my grievances, I felt judged on my current actions & inactions.
However, having faith that they would understand, I chose to unmask myself & let them see that I have not changed, just some situations & circumstances have adjusted themselves & I still am who they are comfortable being with.
What you see is what you get.
Nothing to hide.
Just good old FF.
God loves me.
Otherwise He would not have put me in the company of this group of kind-hearted people.
People I care for as much as they care for me.
People who trust that I carry the best of their interests at heart & carry mine in theirs.
People whom I am certain will be there with me no matter thick or thin, doing whatever they can in their capacity for what I believe in.
These people whom I call brothers of different mothers.
I love you all.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Ring, ring... Hello?!?!
"If it is true that you’re happy for someone about something, be genuine about it. For their true happiness may very well depend on yours..."
Let me illustrate.
If somebody matters so much to you that their state-of-mind is a concern of yours, watch your own.
Because, the slightest emotion you may have or how feel towards something may influence that person’s emotions as well...
From a line of Barry Manilow’s classic:
"I feel glad, when you’re glad;
Feel sad when you’re sad..."
Makes sense?
Simple, time & again we hear that to maintain that somebody is happy, we must be happy with their decisions, be happy for them, and so on so forth.
Easier said than done most of the time; because it actually hurt us to see the other person’s happiness especially if it does not involve us.
But we learn to let go.
However, time & again, we are not spared from the instances when we overlook this simple truth.
That we ignore the very fact that a basic reaction we have towards an incident would bring so much discomfort to that somebody.
Even as the masters of the top of the food chain, acknowledged as being the most intelligent & intellectual of all of God’s creation, we human seek a few things from that someone that we would not usually seek elsewhere; attention, affection, care, concern, loyalty, truthfulness, respect, honour, the list can go on & on & on…
But all these would not be possible if the one single most important element is missing: recognition.
It’s been said that this is the thing that men die for & babies cry for...
Simple things, such as calling them by their affectionate nicknames would change the mood in so many ways.
I am sure by now you would have heard couples calling each other "baby", "honey", "sweetheart", "darling", etc...
(Feel a little mushy, don't you?)
Ever wondered why it's important?
Because everybody else would call them by their actual names.
It is that special someone who would address them as affectionately as you would by their nicknames, if you are up for it.
Of course, this step requires discretion; otherwise it will create a high-resonance sting in the ear if misused too often.
Then we figure: "What is the significance of the wedding ring?"
It’s been called many names; the love-band, the love-bond, etc, when it simply means to address the tying of the knot...
Some ladies wear one to ward off unwanted attention, especially when they’re on a night out on a prowl.
Most men would not wear theirs, hoping that the hot chick across the table would notice that they are still "S&A".
I have heard cases where arguments take place because either party has misplaced the ring.
There were even rumours that couples get all psyched up because of this issue of losing it, thinking it actually reveals how much they regard the marriage in the first place.
But it should only be seen as a form of recognition.
When the wearer feels that the love is gone, then, where is the bond?
Why should there still be a band?
What knot are we still talking about?
They say time heals all wounds.
Time is also a good way to prove a lot of things.
Time will also show the truth in many issues.
Get a good watch to look out for it.
Want a Tag?
Let me illustrate.
If somebody matters so much to you that their state-of-mind is a concern of yours, watch your own.
Because, the slightest emotion you may have or how feel towards something may influence that person’s emotions as well...
From a line of Barry Manilow’s classic:
"I feel glad, when you’re glad;
Feel sad when you’re sad..."
Makes sense?
Simple, time & again we hear that to maintain that somebody is happy, we must be happy with their decisions, be happy for them, and so on so forth.
Easier said than done most of the time; because it actually hurt us to see the other person’s happiness especially if it does not involve us.
But we learn to let go.
However, time & again, we are not spared from the instances when we overlook this simple truth.
That we ignore the very fact that a basic reaction we have towards an incident would bring so much discomfort to that somebody.
Even as the masters of the top of the food chain, acknowledged as being the most intelligent & intellectual of all of God’s creation, we human seek a few things from that someone that we would not usually seek elsewhere; attention, affection, care, concern, loyalty, truthfulness, respect, honour, the list can go on & on & on…
But all these would not be possible if the one single most important element is missing: recognition.
It’s been said that this is the thing that men die for & babies cry for...
Simple things, such as calling them by their affectionate nicknames would change the mood in so many ways.
I am sure by now you would have heard couples calling each other "baby", "honey", "sweetheart", "darling", etc...
(Feel a little mushy, don't you?)
Ever wondered why it's important?
Because everybody else would call them by their actual names.
It is that special someone who would address them as affectionately as you would by their nicknames, if you are up for it.
Of course, this step requires discretion; otherwise it will create a high-resonance sting in the ear if misused too often.
Then we figure: "What is the significance of the wedding ring?"
It’s been called many names; the love-band, the love-bond, etc, when it simply means to address the tying of the knot...
Some ladies wear one to ward off unwanted attention, especially when they’re on a night out on a prowl.
Most men would not wear theirs, hoping that the hot chick across the table would notice that they are still "S&A".
I have heard cases where arguments take place because either party has misplaced the ring.
There were even rumours that couples get all psyched up because of this issue of losing it, thinking it actually reveals how much they regard the marriage in the first place.
But it should only be seen as a form of recognition.
When the wearer feels that the love is gone, then, where is the bond?
Why should there still be a band?
What knot are we still talking about?
They say time heals all wounds.
Time is also a good way to prove a lot of things.
Time will also show the truth in many issues.
Get a good watch to look out for it.
Want a Tag?
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Of Pigeons, Cats & the Privacy of the Bat-Cave...
"Don’t lose hope; for when the sun goes down, the stars come out..."
It’s been a heck of a 48-hour period of my life.
For one thing, I didn’t know that love is also bad for the big toe.
And when it gets hurt, there is no description to the emotions that run through my heart & mind, the shiver that tingles though my spine & the guilt that burns a hole in the soul.
Moving couches would never be the same again.
That’s why they were made such, so that we don’t move them time & again unnecessarily.
If it’s any comfort, it was a good thing that the nearest hypermarket was retailing "the comfort food of all comfort food" at a reasonable enough price that I could afford to stock up.
Maybe it’s true when people say: "Behind every cloud, there is a silver lining."
For everything that happens, there is bound to be a reason behind it.
It could be that the "pigeon" saw the injury & is able to understand the significance of it, because finally, it has agreed to let go & move on.
At last, the Angel could breathe a big heavy sigh of relief.
Needless to say, being ecstatic would be an understatement.
But how could I put on a display of happiness when someone else’s has just ended?
Ironic, isn’t it?
Tell me about it.
But it has to happen in this fashion, because there is not enough pie to go around, somebody is bound to go home hungry.
And in this case, eventhough I was not first in line, I dare say that I have proven to be the more befitting & deserving starved one to be given the final slice.
But it was supposed to be one of the happiest evenings of my life.
That was until I heard the doorbell & found out that cats knew how to use elevators.
The very fact that my sanctuary has been trespassed & its sanctity breached speaks volume of the roller coaster I was experiencing.
And how the heck did Cat-woman manage to infiltrate the security measures taken to keep people out of the Bat-cave still eludes my comprehension.
Of course, we cannot expect cats to understand simple human languages especially when sanity is the last of their virtue at this very moment.
Seeing Angel at the Bat-cave did not help in hitting home reality into the mind of the feline.
Probably that’s what caused the paws to retract to reveal sharp claws & the fangs were on public display.
After almost an hour of verbal wrestling, (or whatever it was supposed to be called), I managed to make the feline leave peacefully, but not without a threat that cats have nine lives & that I have not seen the last of her...
Oh well, we’ll see...
What a waste to an otherwise superb evening.
This is it.
A "New Beginning" that I have been harping on & on about.
But it won’t really take off unless I finish clearing my dumpster of unwanted feline faeces.
Cat litter, anyone?
***Disclaimer: No animals have been hurt in the production of this entry. But if it goes on like this, the author could offer no guarantee...***
It’s been a heck of a 48-hour period of my life.
For one thing, I didn’t know that love is also bad for the big toe.
And when it gets hurt, there is no description to the emotions that run through my heart & mind, the shiver that tingles though my spine & the guilt that burns a hole in the soul.
Moving couches would never be the same again.
That’s why they were made such, so that we don’t move them time & again unnecessarily.
If it’s any comfort, it was a good thing that the nearest hypermarket was retailing "the comfort food of all comfort food" at a reasonable enough price that I could afford to stock up.
Maybe it’s true when people say: "Behind every cloud, there is a silver lining."
For everything that happens, there is bound to be a reason behind it.
It could be that the "pigeon" saw the injury & is able to understand the significance of it, because finally, it has agreed to let go & move on.
At last, the Angel could breathe a big heavy sigh of relief.
Needless to say, being ecstatic would be an understatement.
But how could I put on a display of happiness when someone else’s has just ended?
Ironic, isn’t it?
Tell me about it.
But it has to happen in this fashion, because there is not enough pie to go around, somebody is bound to go home hungry.
And in this case, eventhough I was not first in line, I dare say that I have proven to be the more befitting & deserving starved one to be given the final slice.
But it was supposed to be one of the happiest evenings of my life.
That was until I heard the doorbell & found out that cats knew how to use elevators.
The very fact that my sanctuary has been trespassed & its sanctity breached speaks volume of the roller coaster I was experiencing.
And how the heck did Cat-woman manage to infiltrate the security measures taken to keep people out of the Bat-cave still eludes my comprehension.
Of course, we cannot expect cats to understand simple human languages especially when sanity is the last of their virtue at this very moment.
Seeing Angel at the Bat-cave did not help in hitting home reality into the mind of the feline.
Probably that’s what caused the paws to retract to reveal sharp claws & the fangs were on public display.
After almost an hour of verbal wrestling, (or whatever it was supposed to be called), I managed to make the feline leave peacefully, but not without a threat that cats have nine lives & that I have not seen the last of her...
Oh well, we’ll see...
What a waste to an otherwise superb evening.
This is it.
A "New Beginning" that I have been harping on & on about.
But it won’t really take off unless I finish clearing my dumpster of unwanted feline faeces.
Cat litter, anyone?
***Disclaimer: No animals have been hurt in the production of this entry. But if it goes on like this, the author could offer no guarantee...***
Monday, August 3, 2009
Yes, No, Maybe...
"Some people are like pigeons; they sh*t on everyone & everything but still refuse to leave..."
Especially when they are comfortable.
Even more so when they have been taking for granted that the things they have had in life will not be taken away from them, because to these people, it is not their fault that things happen the way they had.
Sometimes we wonder what it takes for these people to even wake up from their unending slumber of a perfect world.
For most probably since it’s been ingrained in their shallow or near-to-zero level of mentality to cling on to things even when the meaning is lost.
What truly makes it worse is the fact that in the process of trying to prove their point, bridges are burnt, doors are closed, trust is broken & destiny is sealed.
What is then the real purpose of not letting go?
Who are they trying to fool that things will still change for the better?
When will they ever learn that there is no way to turn back time?
Why can’t they see that there isn’t hope anymore in this comfort zone of theirs?
If you are truthful & sincere in their happiness, let go.
Let them live as they want.
If that’s the only way to their happiness, never doubt that this is the way it should be.
Move out of the comfort zone, that space which you have already taken for granted for so many years.
Allow change to move your lives.
Before things get worse, since more things done or more words exchanged would only bring unhappiness into your lives.
Be certain then, that whatever is left would be memories worth cherishing.
And be glad that there was once love.
Especially when they are comfortable.
Even more so when they have been taking for granted that the things they have had in life will not be taken away from them, because to these people, it is not their fault that things happen the way they had.
Sometimes we wonder what it takes for these people to even wake up from their unending slumber of a perfect world.
For most probably since it’s been ingrained in their shallow or near-to-zero level of mentality to cling on to things even when the meaning is lost.
What truly makes it worse is the fact that in the process of trying to prove their point, bridges are burnt, doors are closed, trust is broken & destiny is sealed.
What is then the real purpose of not letting go?
Who are they trying to fool that things will still change for the better?
When will they ever learn that there is no way to turn back time?
Why can’t they see that there isn’t hope anymore in this comfort zone of theirs?
If you are truthful & sincere in their happiness, let go.
Let them live as they want.
If that’s the only way to their happiness, never doubt that this is the way it should be.
Move out of the comfort zone, that space which you have already taken for granted for so many years.
Allow change to move your lives.
Before things get worse, since more things done or more words exchanged would only bring unhappiness into your lives.
Be certain then, that whatever is left would be memories worth cherishing.
And be glad that there was once love.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
The Cold Room...
After about a month of searching, a couple of fortnights of turmoil & a week of anticipation, finally; I will from now dwell in a new sanctuary.
It is not without hiccups.
For when I realised it, crap, the AC actually emits a certain foul stench after 1 hour of being in operation.
The shower is a little too under-pressured to my liking, but I would survive that.
Without the AC, I would need to open the windows in order to continue breathing.
And that’s when I remember, shucks, we live in a country where we’re still teaching the citizens how to rid their homes of the risks of dengue.
These are the stuff I could take with a spoonful of sugar.
And the queen-sized bed has never seemed bigger.
With a mattress protector, the feeling is simply marvellous; soft & comfortable as the sheets are new as well.
But it felt vastly too huge.
Even without the AC, I could not feel anything else but just how cold the room was.
Maybe it was not just the room.
My first winks came at about 4AM.
But I forgot to dream, because at the end of it, the fatigue is still lying at the back of my head.
Today, the LCD & the washer were sent up.
Appliances of entertainment & convenience.
Will I get to use them tonight it anybody’s guess, as I would most probably be still too tired to even want to do anything else but to get used to the cold & lonely albeit new surrounding.
"Though I may be looked up upon by a handful, shook hands with a few;
Make public speeches to many, have dinner with one or two...
I will still need to realise, that when daylight is finally gone;
The time when the soul truly needs it most; I will still be going home alone..."
It is not without hiccups.
For when I realised it, crap, the AC actually emits a certain foul stench after 1 hour of being in operation.
The shower is a little too under-pressured to my liking, but I would survive that.
Without the AC, I would need to open the windows in order to continue breathing.
And that’s when I remember, shucks, we live in a country where we’re still teaching the citizens how to rid their homes of the risks of dengue.
These are the stuff I could take with a spoonful of sugar.
And the queen-sized bed has never seemed bigger.
With a mattress protector, the feeling is simply marvellous; soft & comfortable as the sheets are new as well.
But it felt vastly too huge.
Even without the AC, I could not feel anything else but just how cold the room was.
Maybe it was not just the room.
My first winks came at about 4AM.
But I forgot to dream, because at the end of it, the fatigue is still lying at the back of my head.
Today, the LCD & the washer were sent up.
Appliances of entertainment & convenience.
Will I get to use them tonight it anybody’s guess, as I would most probably be still too tired to even want to do anything else but to get used to the cold & lonely albeit new surrounding.
"Though I may be looked up upon by a handful, shook hands with a few;
Make public speeches to many, have dinner with one or two...
I will still need to realise, that when daylight is finally gone;
The time when the soul truly needs it most; I will still be going home alone..."
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Thanks, but No Thanks...
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you..."
- Mark Twain (1835 – 1910)
But we’re not dogs, we were not starving.
And we prospered through hard work by our very own pair of hands.
You’ve guessed it.
Today, we shall talk about gratitude.
Such a misused word, oftentimes misunderstood.
There should be times when we needed someone to keep the doors of the elevators open just so we could get out with all our bags or stuff that we need to carry home.
"Thank you" would not be such a difficult thing to say.
There should be instances when we could use an extra pair of hands & were fortunate enough that someone was there to stretch out theirs.
To these kind-hearted people, we wish them the best in all their future undertakings.
There are times also that we are going through very important days of our lives & the people who matter to us would take the extra effort to make sure the occasion works our perfectly.
No matter how they would say otherwise, we would feel to be greatly in their debt.
There are times when things look bleak, the options unclear, the road seemed dark & uncertain, people have helped us pull through the toughest moments of our lives.
To these folks, the words "Thank You" would be an understatement.
Chances are, we would even cherish these people for the rest of our lives.
However, there are also those who, in the name of having done something or with the thought that they had, misuse the word gratitude.
For instance;
It’s ridiculous that the people who once helped us feel that we shall be so indebted that we would lose our souls to them, to the extend of going against our very will & do things out of gratitude even if it means there won’t be anything beneficial to expect from that action.
It’s also unacceptable that people who have spent a chunk of their lives with us expect that we will forever be committed to them out of being grateful, not taking into consideration that the days to come would actually spell more hurt, anguish, pain & disaster.
And it’s totally outright outrageously stupid for an employer to even have an inkling of a feeling that the staff of his company should be eternally grateful to their employment to be able to afford their livelihood or for having better or more lavish options or appear to have increased their purchasing power, not even thinking that for a fact, the time & effort put into making a living by the staff, all the sacrifices made in the name of that job & to add salt to the wound, the people in the company resemble animals in a safari, habitants of old folks homes or even patients in the mental asylum to be working with in the first place!
Hello, boss.
We’re paid for our work-lah, you think it’s charity ah?
Maybe you will feel you’re the biggest philanthropist in your donkey world, since you have a habit of doing so much charity by collecting stubborn, "I was here first", out-dated, old-fashioned & otherwise-unemployable-elsewhere senile citizens who keep extending their "post-mandatory retirement age employment contracts" & keep sinking their shrivelled hands annually into the bonuses which are so rightfully earned by others.
So redundant are these people that you even create unnecessary positions that would not even exist in companies which run on a minute scale of common sense.
W.T.F.?
This entry is by no means an attempt to undermine the virtue of being grateful, for gratitude is the mother of all virtues worth respecting.
I certainly do not wish to be misunderstood as a "B.U.L.B. – Blardy Ungrateful Little B*stard"...
But some people just have got to be told off at their faces.
Thanks, sorry but f*ck you!
- Mark Twain (1835 – 1910)
But we’re not dogs, we were not starving.
And we prospered through hard work by our very own pair of hands.
You’ve guessed it.
Today, we shall talk about gratitude.
Such a misused word, oftentimes misunderstood.
There should be times when we needed someone to keep the doors of the elevators open just so we could get out with all our bags or stuff that we need to carry home.
"Thank you" would not be such a difficult thing to say.
There should be instances when we could use an extra pair of hands & were fortunate enough that someone was there to stretch out theirs.
To these kind-hearted people, we wish them the best in all their future undertakings.
There are times also that we are going through very important days of our lives & the people who matter to us would take the extra effort to make sure the occasion works our perfectly.
No matter how they would say otherwise, we would feel to be greatly in their debt.
There are times when things look bleak, the options unclear, the road seemed dark & uncertain, people have helped us pull through the toughest moments of our lives.
To these folks, the words "Thank You" would be an understatement.
Chances are, we would even cherish these people for the rest of our lives.
However, there are also those who, in the name of having done something or with the thought that they had, misuse the word gratitude.
For instance;
It’s ridiculous that the people who once helped us feel that we shall be so indebted that we would lose our souls to them, to the extend of going against our very will & do things out of gratitude even if it means there won’t be anything beneficial to expect from that action.
It’s also unacceptable that people who have spent a chunk of their lives with us expect that we will forever be committed to them out of being grateful, not taking into consideration that the days to come would actually spell more hurt, anguish, pain & disaster.
And it’s totally outright outrageously stupid for an employer to even have an inkling of a feeling that the staff of his company should be eternally grateful to their employment to be able to afford their livelihood or for having better or more lavish options or appear to have increased their purchasing power, not even thinking that for a fact, the time & effort put into making a living by the staff, all the sacrifices made in the name of that job & to add salt to the wound, the people in the company resemble animals in a safari, habitants of old folks homes or even patients in the mental asylum to be working with in the first place!
Hello, boss.
We’re paid for our work-lah, you think it’s charity ah?
Maybe you will feel you’re the biggest philanthropist in your donkey world, since you have a habit of doing so much charity by collecting stubborn, "I was here first", out-dated, old-fashioned & otherwise-unemployable-elsewhere senile citizens who keep extending their "post-mandatory retirement age employment contracts" & keep sinking their shrivelled hands annually into the bonuses which are so rightfully earned by others.
So redundant are these people that you even create unnecessary positions that would not even exist in companies which run on a minute scale of common sense.
W.T.F.?
This entry is by no means an attempt to undermine the virtue of being grateful, for gratitude is the mother of all virtues worth respecting.
I certainly do not wish to be misunderstood as a "B.U.L.B. – Blardy Ungrateful Little B*stard"...
But some people just have got to be told off at their faces.
Thanks, sorry but f*ck you!
Saturday, July 25, 2009
It'll Pass...
"Life is only travelled once; today’s moment becomes tomorrow’s memory.
Enjoy every moment, good or bad, because the gift of life is life itself.."
When we let go, there are things we inevitably lose grip of.
For better or for worse, most of the time, time itself will tell.
When something which we have held on to for a period of our lives no longer seemed to be ours to keep, perhaps the only rational action next would be just to let go.
As long as the memory serves a purpose to bring about a smile, a sigh or even a raised eyebrow; we could be contended that those moments are forever ours to cherish.
It’s been said time & again, that to truly appreciate something; we may not necessarily need to keep it in our possession.
For what’s good of a love if we confine it in our pockets for keeps?
Once love is defined & confined, it starts to wither & die.
Instead, it should live in our hearts; in order for us to pass it forward so that others will also be able to experience it & cherish it their hearts forever instead.
Difficult, because our minds have been fashioned since young, that; if we like or love something enough, we should get a hold over it & never let go.
Especially true when we meet someone who comes into our lives whom we are so confident are the ones who would make an impact & we seem to be unable to live a minute separated from them.
Of course, it would be blissful to have them in our lives for the rest of it.
I am a believer of putting the effort to make things work just so that 2 people could enrich each other’s numbered days on this face of the Earth.
But, I am also a believer that when the days come that separation is inevitable, the mentality gap is inching wider as how planets are losing orbit by the day, the feelings & emotions are long jaded & faded, or the commitment doesn’t seem to add up in that relationship anymore, well, the only option to maintain a memory worth cherishing forever is just simply to let go.
Otherwise, which would you rather have in the remaining days of your life?
A bitter relationship where all compromise have failed, trust & understanding seem such an alien word with a partner whom you do not have more than 20 words to share in a day?
Or a brief & painful encounter of letting go, in order to preserve the moments where the passage of time has led you both, where each experience has its marvels, its ups & downs, which glow & sparkle to bring about a "Hmm, those were the days..."
I have made my choice.
It was painful.
It still is.
All I can hope for now is that it won’t hurt too long.
Wish me luck.
"Always believe that life itself is a gift.
That’s why today is called 'the present'...
Live life a day at a time, with no regrets."
That is probably the best gift you could ever have, for yourself to yourself.
Enjoy every moment, good or bad, because the gift of life is life itself.."
When we let go, there are things we inevitably lose grip of.
For better or for worse, most of the time, time itself will tell.
When something which we have held on to for a period of our lives no longer seemed to be ours to keep, perhaps the only rational action next would be just to let go.
As long as the memory serves a purpose to bring about a smile, a sigh or even a raised eyebrow; we could be contended that those moments are forever ours to cherish.
It’s been said time & again, that to truly appreciate something; we may not necessarily need to keep it in our possession.
For what’s good of a love if we confine it in our pockets for keeps?
Once love is defined & confined, it starts to wither & die.
Instead, it should live in our hearts; in order for us to pass it forward so that others will also be able to experience it & cherish it their hearts forever instead.
Difficult, because our minds have been fashioned since young, that; if we like or love something enough, we should get a hold over it & never let go.
Especially true when we meet someone who comes into our lives whom we are so confident are the ones who would make an impact & we seem to be unable to live a minute separated from them.
Of course, it would be blissful to have them in our lives for the rest of it.
I am a believer of putting the effort to make things work just so that 2 people could enrich each other’s numbered days on this face of the Earth.
But, I am also a believer that when the days come that separation is inevitable, the mentality gap is inching wider as how planets are losing orbit by the day, the feelings & emotions are long jaded & faded, or the commitment doesn’t seem to add up in that relationship anymore, well, the only option to maintain a memory worth cherishing forever is just simply to let go.
Otherwise, which would you rather have in the remaining days of your life?
A bitter relationship where all compromise have failed, trust & understanding seem such an alien word with a partner whom you do not have more than 20 words to share in a day?
Or a brief & painful encounter of letting go, in order to preserve the moments where the passage of time has led you both, where each experience has its marvels, its ups & downs, which glow & sparkle to bring about a "Hmm, those were the days..."
I have made my choice.
It was painful.
It still is.
All I can hope for now is that it won’t hurt too long.
Wish me luck.
"Always believe that life itself is a gift.
That’s why today is called 'the present'...
Live life a day at a time, with no regrets."
That is probably the best gift you could ever have, for yourself to yourself.
Miley Cyrus – The Climb
I can almost see it
That dream I’m dreaming but
There’s a voice inside my head sayin,
You’ll never reach it,
Every step I’m taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high
There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb
The struggles I’m facing,
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes they knock me down but
No I’m not breaking
The pain I’m knowing
But these are the moments that
I’m going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on,
There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb
There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb
Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
It’s all about
It’s all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith
That dream I’m dreaming but
There’s a voice inside my head sayin,
You’ll never reach it,
Every step I’m taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high
There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb
The struggles I’m facing,
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes they knock me down but
No I’m not breaking
The pain I’m knowing
But these are the moments that
I’m going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on,
There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb
There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb
Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
It’s all about
It’s all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
From Charlie-UnaPenta-UnaUna to Bravo-Sette-Okto...
"No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change..."
Barbara De Angelis
American Expert on Relationship & Love, Author
I remember being told once:
"The only thing constant in our lives is change, for it is inevitable..."
A shift from a comfort zone can be seen as one.
Tomorrow, I shall be given the access to my new sanctuary.
Over the weekend, I would have to drive up a different drive-way, go up in a different elevator, open a different door & wake up to a new surrounding.
It would, of course, involve a change of residential address as well.
This decision was a painful one.
For change always is.
Nonetheless, it was necessary.
That the fact of the matter remains a hurt & difficult to digest, however bitter, has got to be swallowed.
It should be accepted as one of the major decisions I am to make in my lifetime.
No matter what, the memories would remain; sweet or sour, most probably forever in my mind.
I may not wish it to be so, but I am only human...
However, the view from this new dwelling would be different.
I should make sure that I enjoy it while my eyes still see.
The warmth level could be different as well, but as long as I don’t "freeze" to death, I believe I would get by.
There would be a lot of things to purchase, a lot of things to clean & some adjustments to be made here & there.
All these are only natural if a change is set in motion.
And hopefully, I will finally get to use a functional kitchen & enjoy a home-cooked meal.
But it would be different.
Expectedly so, since the dishes would most probably be done by someone else this time around.
Habits will change.
Living standards will change.
State-of-minds will change.
Destiny will change as well.
Let's just hope I would get to keep intact my heart, my dignity & my soul.
So, house-warming... anyone?
Barbara De Angelis
American Expert on Relationship & Love, Author
I remember being told once:
"The only thing constant in our lives is change, for it is inevitable..."
A shift from a comfort zone can be seen as one.
Tomorrow, I shall be given the access to my new sanctuary.
Over the weekend, I would have to drive up a different drive-way, go up in a different elevator, open a different door & wake up to a new surrounding.
It would, of course, involve a change of residential address as well.
This decision was a painful one.
For change always is.
Nonetheless, it was necessary.
That the fact of the matter remains a hurt & difficult to digest, however bitter, has got to be swallowed.
It should be accepted as one of the major decisions I am to make in my lifetime.
No matter what, the memories would remain; sweet or sour, most probably forever in my mind.
I may not wish it to be so, but I am only human...
However, the view from this new dwelling would be different.
I should make sure that I enjoy it while my eyes still see.
The warmth level could be different as well, but as long as I don’t "freeze" to death, I believe I would get by.
There would be a lot of things to purchase, a lot of things to clean & some adjustments to be made here & there.
All these are only natural if a change is set in motion.
And hopefully, I will finally get to use a functional kitchen & enjoy a home-cooked meal.
But it would be different.
Expectedly so, since the dishes would most probably be done by someone else this time around.
Habits will change.
Living standards will change.
State-of-minds will change.
Destiny will change as well.
Let's just hope I would get to keep intact my heart, my dignity & my soul.
So, house-warming... anyone?
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
I'm Sorry, but Thank You & I Love You!
"Maybe... happiness waits for all those who cry, all those who hurt, all those who have searched, and all those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of all the people who have touched their lives..."
Once a week on Tuesdays, the company I am currently attached to would gather all members of the staff into the main conference room for a gathering which is known as the Weekly Assembly.
It is often used as a platform to reinforce competence, to celebrate birthdays of any member of staff that are born that particular month or just a means of disseminating information or announcements.
Usually, there would be themed activities.
Last month's theme was "Knowledge", where yours truly obliterated the whole assembly with the super-human ability to memorize facts of general knowledge, geography, history & common sense.
But today, things were different.
This month's theme is about social relationships.
It was however; quite pleasant to see the committee of this platform take the effort to provide each & every one of us 3 cards with our names on them which contained different messages; "Thank You", "I’m Sorry" & "I Love You".
And we were to pass these on to the people who we would want to say those things to.
In the office.
Yeah right.
Some held on tightly to theirs, not knowing exactly who to show appreciation enough to say "I Love You", some offended others so much that one "I’m Sorry" card is not enough to go around, while there are those who wished they could thank the whole company for giving them tolerable crap & made their lives less miserable that they stayed on for more than 10 years...
And some were so sadly waiting for at least 1 card to come their way, desperate to know if theire presence made a difference at all.
I can’t help but to start doubting.
Whether in such a setting, so professional & formal, where most are here for 1 reason which is to provide for themselves a means to a livelihood, would people clearly, sincerely & honestly know how to "tag" their colleagues with such cards.
For I know, in the course of our dealings with others, we are bound to cross paths with others.
It would only be natural human instinct to reach out.
But in the office?
No prizes for guessing where mine have gone.
Then there was this sentiment that I felt; the more often you say something, the more others would begin to believe it.
However, there are some words that if spoken too often would lose its meaning & the essence of the message would not be felt, having the very effect of having said it disappear.
Maybe it’s true.
To truly find what we’re looking for, we would need to have searched for it.
When we would appear to have found it, we must lose it to really appreciate it.
And when we find it again, probably in another form or another realm of our reality, we would appreciate it more.
For the times we searched, tried & cried, we would have stiffened ourselves towards what we consider as the element of animosity.
We may have been shaped & fashioned from our experiences, would be now the person, who is the result of the trials & tribulations we faced or braved through, jaded with the happenings & events which may take place.
It is our right to preserve the qualities we have acquired, the survival skills we have adopted & the circumstances we have adapted to.
But when happiness is at our doorstep, would we be able to identify it, embrace it & claim it as our own?
Knock knock?
Once a week on Tuesdays, the company I am currently attached to would gather all members of the staff into the main conference room for a gathering which is known as the Weekly Assembly.
It is often used as a platform to reinforce competence, to celebrate birthdays of any member of staff that are born that particular month or just a means of disseminating information or announcements.
Usually, there would be themed activities.
Last month's theme was "Knowledge", where yours truly obliterated the whole assembly with the super-human ability to memorize facts of general knowledge, geography, history & common sense.
But today, things were different.
This month's theme is about social relationships.
It was however; quite pleasant to see the committee of this platform take the effort to provide each & every one of us 3 cards with our names on them which contained different messages; "Thank You", "I’m Sorry" & "I Love You".
And we were to pass these on to the people who we would want to say those things to.
In the office.
Yeah right.
Some held on tightly to theirs, not knowing exactly who to show appreciation enough to say "I Love You", some offended others so much that one "I’m Sorry" card is not enough to go around, while there are those who wished they could thank the whole company for giving them tolerable crap & made their lives less miserable that they stayed on for more than 10 years...
And some were so sadly waiting for at least 1 card to come their way, desperate to know if theire presence made a difference at all.
I can’t help but to start doubting.
Whether in such a setting, so professional & formal, where most are here for 1 reason which is to provide for themselves a means to a livelihood, would people clearly, sincerely & honestly know how to "tag" their colleagues with such cards.
For I know, in the course of our dealings with others, we are bound to cross paths with others.
It would only be natural human instinct to reach out.
But in the office?
No prizes for guessing where mine have gone.
Then there was this sentiment that I felt; the more often you say something, the more others would begin to believe it.
However, there are some words that if spoken too often would lose its meaning & the essence of the message would not be felt, having the very effect of having said it disappear.
Maybe it’s true.
To truly find what we’re looking for, we would need to have searched for it.
When we would appear to have found it, we must lose it to really appreciate it.
And when we find it again, probably in another form or another realm of our reality, we would appreciate it more.
For the times we searched, tried & cried, we would have stiffened ourselves towards what we consider as the element of animosity.
We may have been shaped & fashioned from our experiences, would be now the person, who is the result of the trials & tribulations we faced or braved through, jaded with the happenings & events which may take place.
It is our right to preserve the qualities we have acquired, the survival skills we have adopted & the circumstances we have adapted to.
But when happiness is at our doorstep, would we be able to identify it, embrace it & claim it as our own?
Knock knock?
Monday, July 20, 2009
Mixed Platter of Emotions...
"It may be true that love does not make the world go round, but it sure makes the ride worthwhile..."
And what a heck of a ride it’s been too!
Today would be written in the history of my being as a day of many descriptions of emotions;
Boredom, Anger, Sadness, Gratitude, Trustworthy, Sense of Achievement, Fulfilment & Happiness.
As usual, the day started off as any other Monday of mixed feelings, that you finally get to be "reconnected" after the weekend – albeit a shorter one this time around – but still, 24 hours is still a long time to be restrained from such a powerful factor in your life.
But it’s still a Monday, and the sluggishness of the weekend has yet to wear off.
Then comes the "lobotomy session" where animals which are brain-dead in the first place go to get their brains "washed & stormed" for a cause, futile nonetheless, but still the idea that every idea is futile never seems to register in brain-dead animals.
Hence; boredom.
Wash that down with a message received which you should have received 3 days ago about some things you would wish would not happen, but it did, which actually does not affect you anymore besides being an annoying & irritating fact that it did.
And the person carrying that message felt that it was best kept till today in order for the weekend to be enjoyed to the max, without ever realising that by not knowing what you should have known, you may end up making the wrong decisions or wrong judgment calls which you may regret.
That’s the anger part.
Knowing in advance that today could potentially be one of the most lonesome days of the year due to the fact that you would be left alone after lunch makes it imperative that every minute you get to spend with her be totally undisturbed & uninterrupted.
Sadness creeps in when the orders for lunch arrived.
Somehow, some sense was knocked into your mind that the message-carrier was only bearing the best of your interest at heart by not revealing what she did earlier for the sake of so many parties, you feel bad for that reaction & you agree, that this person has the most genuine concern for everyone.
And you felt that that person deserves a bit of gratitude.
Next, your phone rings.
It’s a number so long; it has to be either a long-distance call or a call from overseas.
You pick it up & find your good buddy, brother-like on the other end calling all the way from Taiwan asking for a favour to lend assistance, eventhough the scene of the matter is almost 80km away from your current location.
And due to the "brotherly-love"; out of all people, he chooses to call you.
You launch into "Search & Rescue" mode, doing all you can, but in the same time feeling very helpless.
Then you were reminded by the Angel that you could call your own (biological) brother, who is close enough to the scene & is in his most professional capacity to do something for help.
He does it, doesn’t leave room to disappoint you,
And for once in your life, you feel that sense of pride which does not happen very often.
Trustworthy, runs in the family.
Due to a pertinent date of event, something has to be purchased.
You get to the shop which trades in that particular group of items sourced.
The selections are many, but not all catches your attention.
And the one which deserves mention could be bundled with things that are usually not available in other shops, which makes it a good deal.
You close the deal, with everything promised in the bag, nothing less.
Sense of achievement, you bet.
You walk to the bank to secure that deal once & for all as it involves a lump-sum cash payment.
All this so that the one who matters most would be able to do what she needs & would be happy to do.
And since she’s happy to be able to do it, a strong sensation of fulfilment rages through your heart.
What a day so far, huh?
Oh, and yeah.
Happiness is when you realise that the very gift she reluctantly received earlier during the weekend is so beautiful in its intended place.
Say "Cheese"?
And what a heck of a ride it’s been too!
Today would be written in the history of my being as a day of many descriptions of emotions;
Boredom, Anger, Sadness, Gratitude, Trustworthy, Sense of Achievement, Fulfilment & Happiness.
As usual, the day started off as any other Monday of mixed feelings, that you finally get to be "reconnected" after the weekend – albeit a shorter one this time around – but still, 24 hours is still a long time to be restrained from such a powerful factor in your life.
But it’s still a Monday, and the sluggishness of the weekend has yet to wear off.
Then comes the "lobotomy session" where animals which are brain-dead in the first place go to get their brains "washed & stormed" for a cause, futile nonetheless, but still the idea that every idea is futile never seems to register in brain-dead animals.
Hence; boredom.
Wash that down with a message received which you should have received 3 days ago about some things you would wish would not happen, but it did, which actually does not affect you anymore besides being an annoying & irritating fact that it did.
And the person carrying that message felt that it was best kept till today in order for the weekend to be enjoyed to the max, without ever realising that by not knowing what you should have known, you may end up making the wrong decisions or wrong judgment calls which you may regret.
That’s the anger part.
Knowing in advance that today could potentially be one of the most lonesome days of the year due to the fact that you would be left alone after lunch makes it imperative that every minute you get to spend with her be totally undisturbed & uninterrupted.
Sadness creeps in when the orders for lunch arrived.
Somehow, some sense was knocked into your mind that the message-carrier was only bearing the best of your interest at heart by not revealing what she did earlier for the sake of so many parties, you feel bad for that reaction & you agree, that this person has the most genuine concern for everyone.
And you felt that that person deserves a bit of gratitude.
Next, your phone rings.
It’s a number so long; it has to be either a long-distance call or a call from overseas.
You pick it up & find your good buddy, brother-like on the other end calling all the way from Taiwan asking for a favour to lend assistance, eventhough the scene of the matter is almost 80km away from your current location.
And due to the "brotherly-love"; out of all people, he chooses to call you.
You launch into "Search & Rescue" mode, doing all you can, but in the same time feeling very helpless.
Then you were reminded by the Angel that you could call your own (biological) brother, who is close enough to the scene & is in his most professional capacity to do something for help.
He does it, doesn’t leave room to disappoint you,
And for once in your life, you feel that sense of pride which does not happen very often.
Trustworthy, runs in the family.
Due to a pertinent date of event, something has to be purchased.
You get to the shop which trades in that particular group of items sourced.
The selections are many, but not all catches your attention.
And the one which deserves mention could be bundled with things that are usually not available in other shops, which makes it a good deal.
You close the deal, with everything promised in the bag, nothing less.
Sense of achievement, you bet.
You walk to the bank to secure that deal once & for all as it involves a lump-sum cash payment.
All this so that the one who matters most would be able to do what she needs & would be happy to do.
And since she’s happy to be able to do it, a strong sensation of fulfilment rages through your heart.
What a day so far, huh?
Oh, and yeah.
Happiness is when you realise that the very gift she reluctantly received earlier during the weekend is so beautiful in its intended place.
Say "Cheese"?
Friday, July 17, 2009
Eggs, Chilies, Coffee & Black Pepper Sauce...
"Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.
Remember also, that the quality of your life is the quality of your relationships..."
Anthony Robbins
American Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Expert / Consultant
I remember reading this line somewhere:
In a relationship, the things we do or say are not half as important as to be who we really are.
Our inner core character must not be suppressed; otherwise it would hinder the very basic necessity in a relationship - Effective Interdependence
So, what exactly is a relationship?
When 2 people get together & feel that it's one of the most comfortable experiences they have had & the enjoyment of each other's company on an almost daily basis?
The funny feeling that something is missing when these 2 people don’t get to see each other even for a day?
The ability to tell what the other is thinking even without an attempt at exchanging words?
Could it be testified through the time when we are reminded of that someone whenever we come across certain things, places, songs, smells or events?
That sometimes the only goal & objective we strive to achieve everyday is to minimise their irritability, bring up their moods & somehow ensure that they enjoy their day?
Or just knowing what the other prefers; a sunny side up with a cooked yoke, or a simple request for cut small chillies in soy sauce to the usual palate for iced coffee and the almost-definite extra order of black pepper sauce; even before they tell you that's what they would want?
It's Friday.
And usually my alter-ego would emerge.
But this weekend is different.
It's a DCT...
Chances are, I may will enjoy this weekend as well.
I hope you do too.
I leave you at the turn of this week with this very fine line:
"It is the things in common that make relationships enjoyable, bit it is the little differences that make them interesting..."
Todd Ruthman
Remember also, that the quality of your life is the quality of your relationships..."
Anthony Robbins
American Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Expert / Consultant
I remember reading this line somewhere:
In a relationship, the things we do or say are not half as important as to be who we really are.
Our inner core character must not be suppressed; otherwise it would hinder the very basic necessity in a relationship - Effective Interdependence
So, what exactly is a relationship?
When 2 people get together & feel that it's one of the most comfortable experiences they have had & the enjoyment of each other's company on an almost daily basis?
The funny feeling that something is missing when these 2 people don’t get to see each other even for a day?
The ability to tell what the other is thinking even without an attempt at exchanging words?
Could it be testified through the time when we are reminded of that someone whenever we come across certain things, places, songs, smells or events?
That sometimes the only goal & objective we strive to achieve everyday is to minimise their irritability, bring up their moods & somehow ensure that they enjoy their day?
Or just knowing what the other prefers; a sunny side up with a cooked yoke, or a simple request for cut small chillies in soy sauce to the usual palate for iced coffee and the almost-definite extra order of black pepper sauce; even before they tell you that's what they would want?
It's Friday.
And usually my alter-ego would emerge.
But this weekend is different.
It's a DCT...
Chances are, I may will enjoy this weekend as well.
I hope you do too.
I leave you at the turn of this week with this very fine line:
"It is the things in common that make relationships enjoyable, bit it is the little differences that make them interesting..."
Todd Ruthman
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Telepathy, Carving Hearts & Changing Lives...
"When you pick a life-partner, go for the one with the best communication skills; because when you’re both growing old together, it’ll be the only skill you’ll ever need..."
Let’s face it.
When we choose our "partners", we usually are attracted to certain things about them; their smiles, their voices, their physical attributes, their facial features, their "character" or sometimes the lack of it...
How often do we grow fond of that certain someone due to the fact that they know how to react to our needs, even smallest gestures or our subconscious body language?
Did we get a chance to know that person good enough to build up the comfort level with them to be able to communicate our thoughts well enough?
Have we put ourselves in a situation where we are able to anticipate the deepest feelings & emotions of that particular person?
Are we sensitive enough to notice the expressions on their faces at the slightest clue or faintest sign of discomfort or pain?
Believe me.
It doesn’t take supernatural human abilities to be able to do the above.
All it takes is what we often call "chemistry", the certain "spark", "telepathy" or just simply; the care & concern for the person whom you genuinely love...
Have you found that person who is so comfortable to be with, so comforting to hear speak, so understanding of your situation even when the least was said, who would anticipate all your emotions & knows how to care for your feelings?
It’s been said often enough that in our lives, people walk in & out...
Only those who make a difference would carve their names in our hearts.
My heart’s carved.
I have been blessed.
And now, I wait.
Let’s face it.
When we choose our "partners", we usually are attracted to certain things about them; their smiles, their voices, their physical attributes, their facial features, their "character" or sometimes the lack of it...
How often do we grow fond of that certain someone due to the fact that they know how to react to our needs, even smallest gestures or our subconscious body language?
Did we get a chance to know that person good enough to build up the comfort level with them to be able to communicate our thoughts well enough?
Have we put ourselves in a situation where we are able to anticipate the deepest feelings & emotions of that particular person?
Are we sensitive enough to notice the expressions on their faces at the slightest clue or faintest sign of discomfort or pain?
Believe me.
It doesn’t take supernatural human abilities to be able to do the above.
All it takes is what we often call "chemistry", the certain "spark", "telepathy" or just simply; the care & concern for the person whom you genuinely love...
Have you found that person who is so comfortable to be with, so comforting to hear speak, so understanding of your situation even when the least was said, who would anticipate all your emotions & knows how to care for your feelings?
It’s been said often enough that in our lives, people walk in & out...
Only those who make a difference would carve their names in our hearts.
My heart’s carved.
I have been blessed.
And now, I wait.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
1+1=3?
"Dreams are answers to questions which we haven’t yet figured out how to ask..."
As we descend into slower respiratory rates especially in the state of what others would know as “sleep”, our body will find its way to rest itself; cells regenerate, blood count multiplies, skin will shed to provide a new layer of protection and our most mystical organ of all – the brain – as it tries to recuperate from the bantering & bashing of the day, takes us on journeys which we may never experience in full flesh.
This process is often called “dream”.
I have posted countless entries in here to conjure up boredom.
So too about hopes, wishes & expectations.
But what you are about to find here today could be the very result of all that has been going on in my tireless mind, my seemingly unending quest for that “Holy Grail” of love & life itself, which hurts so bad, it exceeds even the examples of the moments where I have had my share of the highest level of pain & aches or my tolerance of these.
Sure.
I have dreams which I know I can fulfil.
In fact, I have had a bunch of things I can be proud of.
Not because I have set the bar too low (it is after all, me we’re talking about!), but because I have the mental visualization of its realisation.
Because I know that the road to take is not simple, the sacrifices incurred would not be small and I am willing to do what it takes to make it happen.
In so many aspects of my fulfilling life, I feel that there should be nothing which can put out the fire in me; especially if the dream is a worthwhile goal & I am able to control any sets of circumstances or situations I am in, no matter how absurd or adverse they may appear.
It’s been said that my tenacity, complemented with my intelligence, aptitude & charisma, there should be nothing which could hold me back.
I dare say that I shouldn’t be seen as pretentious or boastful to mention that I have my blocks of effort rewarded & I have the results to show for.
But this time, it’s different.
Totally...
For once in my waking memory, I feel absolutely out of control.
The very fact that I am not able to, or bring myself to, attempt to manipulate this set of circumstances & situation with just my capabilities & my 165 somehow puts me at a standstill.
Never had I felt such stagnancy, even though at times, things may appear to progress well.
Because of the simple truth that nobody, not even I, could gauge if the light at the end of the tunnel is meant for me.
That for the very simple reason as to say if it’s my "right" to claim it, I believe nobody could figure that out as well.
Not even the key players in this game, a game that has already taken its toll on my ailing mental & physical being, can paint a picture in my mind of what sort of a scenario would I logically say I could expect.
Insecure or unsure as I may seem, I do have my limitations.
In other issues, if things look bleak, I may just know how to turn them around to gain the upper hand & grab the advantage.
For I believe winning a battle is nothing if it means losing the war.
And my ability to fully utilise & maximise my resources is legendary among my circle of acquaintance.
However, this issue is different.
It tugs on very strongly in my 3/4 working heart.
It has been evident that even I can make bad judgements when it comes to issues as these.
But then, really, are the things I hold on to seriously that futile that at the end of the day, it would only cause more suffering & pain?
When all's lost, would the smiles & comfort experienced today only be something to feed my memories with?
Am I really throwing myself into the unending well of despair, eventhough the sensations & emotions flying around today seem so promising of a brighter & happier future?
When the curtains are finally drawn, would I walk out of this stage alone; bruised, bloody & fatigued?
Insecure?
You bet.
As we descend into slower respiratory rates especially in the state of what others would know as “sleep”, our body will find its way to rest itself; cells regenerate, blood count multiplies, skin will shed to provide a new layer of protection and our most mystical organ of all – the brain – as it tries to recuperate from the bantering & bashing of the day, takes us on journeys which we may never experience in full flesh.
This process is often called “dream”.
I have posted countless entries in here to conjure up boredom.
So too about hopes, wishes & expectations.
But what you are about to find here today could be the very result of all that has been going on in my tireless mind, my seemingly unending quest for that “Holy Grail” of love & life itself, which hurts so bad, it exceeds even the examples of the moments where I have had my share of the highest level of pain & aches or my tolerance of these.
Sure.
I have dreams which I know I can fulfil.
In fact, I have had a bunch of things I can be proud of.
Not because I have set the bar too low (it is after all, me we’re talking about!), but because I have the mental visualization of its realisation.
Because I know that the road to take is not simple, the sacrifices incurred would not be small and I am willing to do what it takes to make it happen.
In so many aspects of my fulfilling life, I feel that there should be nothing which can put out the fire in me; especially if the dream is a worthwhile goal & I am able to control any sets of circumstances or situations I am in, no matter how absurd or adverse they may appear.
It’s been said that my tenacity, complemented with my intelligence, aptitude & charisma, there should be nothing which could hold me back.
I dare say that I shouldn’t be seen as pretentious or boastful to mention that I have my blocks of effort rewarded & I have the results to show for.
But this time, it’s different.
Totally...
For once in my waking memory, I feel absolutely out of control.
The very fact that I am not able to, or bring myself to, attempt to manipulate this set of circumstances & situation with just my capabilities & my 165 somehow puts me at a standstill.
Never had I felt such stagnancy, even though at times, things may appear to progress well.
Because of the simple truth that nobody, not even I, could gauge if the light at the end of the tunnel is meant for me.
That for the very simple reason as to say if it’s my "right" to claim it, I believe nobody could figure that out as well.
Not even the key players in this game, a game that has already taken its toll on my ailing mental & physical being, can paint a picture in my mind of what sort of a scenario would I logically say I could expect.
Insecure or unsure as I may seem, I do have my limitations.
In other issues, if things look bleak, I may just know how to turn them around to gain the upper hand & grab the advantage.
For I believe winning a battle is nothing if it means losing the war.
And my ability to fully utilise & maximise my resources is legendary among my circle of acquaintance.
However, this issue is different.
It tugs on very strongly in my 3/4 working heart.
It has been evident that even I can make bad judgements when it comes to issues as these.
But then, really, are the things I hold on to seriously that futile that at the end of the day, it would only cause more suffering & pain?
When all's lost, would the smiles & comfort experienced today only be something to feed my memories with?
Am I really throwing myself into the unending well of despair, eventhough the sensations & emotions flying around today seem so promising of a brighter & happier future?
When the curtains are finally drawn, would I walk out of this stage alone; bruised, bloody & fatigued?
Insecure?
You bet.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Lucky Number 7
"Some of the greater things in life are unseen; that's why you close your eyes when you kiss, cry, or dream..."
1 freaky old man with a shopping cart
2 appointments raided by the same bunch of smelly & inconsiderate immigrants
3 phone numbers contacted
4 which made the heart race
5 different locations in 9 hours
6 in total
7 is button to press in future
What a day.
A hiatus of 3 days, I have been using this period to reshuffle the priorities of my life.
The 28" beauty which followed me home on the last day of last month is still standing there looking pretty.
But by the end of this week, it will be impregnated & I shall finally have my freedom.
It’s been a joyride, the emotional roller-coaster of "what ifs", "why don’ts" & "how comes"...
For every action comes a greater or equal reaction.
And through this principle alone, the seemingly silent & blissful one has spoken.
Maybe not in a way which we have expected, but nonetheless, nothing can keep the fact covered & the lid closed anymore.
Whether what was said is sincere or truthful, but the right is not mine to pass judgement.
And would it make a difference to my decision, it is also too late to decide differently.
For the guilt & conscience (or what’s left of it) has boiled over & it involves even more if the decision to retreat is made.
And for once in my life, I felt totally out-of-control.
All because it involves just too many heartbeats, too many restless pillows & simply too many affected appetites, and to say that I am not exactly enjoying the turn of events is definitely an understatement.
Maybe the truthfulness & the passion I have hung on to will make a difference.
Maybe, besides me, others would need to learn to let go.
Maybe the obvious will slowly be seen.
Maybe our tenacity will prevail.
Or maybe, some people will have to learn to 'see' with their hearts.
For the best things will usually elude our eyes.
I have learned to use that gift.
'Coz I have been prepped for 12 years.
And I am ready.
1 freaky old man with a shopping cart
2 appointments raided by the same bunch of smelly & inconsiderate immigrants
3 phone numbers contacted
4 which made the heart race
5 different locations in 9 hours
6 in total
7 is button to press in future
What a day.
A hiatus of 3 days, I have been using this period to reshuffle the priorities of my life.
The 28" beauty which followed me home on the last day of last month is still standing there looking pretty.
But by the end of this week, it will be impregnated & I shall finally have my freedom.
It’s been a joyride, the emotional roller-coaster of "what ifs", "why don’ts" & "how comes"...
For every action comes a greater or equal reaction.
And through this principle alone, the seemingly silent & blissful one has spoken.
Maybe not in a way which we have expected, but nonetheless, nothing can keep the fact covered & the lid closed anymore.
Whether what was said is sincere or truthful, but the right is not mine to pass judgement.
And would it make a difference to my decision, it is also too late to decide differently.
For the guilt & conscience (or what’s left of it) has boiled over & it involves even more if the decision to retreat is made.
And for once in my life, I felt totally out-of-control.
All because it involves just too many heartbeats, too many restless pillows & simply too many affected appetites, and to say that I am not exactly enjoying the turn of events is definitely an understatement.
Maybe the truthfulness & the passion I have hung on to will make a difference.
Maybe, besides me, others would need to learn to let go.
Maybe the obvious will slowly be seen.
Maybe our tenacity will prevail.
Or maybe, some people will have to learn to 'see' with their hearts.
For the best things will usually elude our eyes.
I have learned to use that gift.
'Coz I have been prepped for 12 years.
And I am ready.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Hopes, Wishes & Expectations...
"Maybe... you should hope for enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, and enough hope to make you happy..."
HOPE -
[noun]
: something good that you want to happen in the future, or a confident feeling about what will happen in the future
[verb]
: to want something to happen or to be true, and usually have a good reason to think that it might
"H.O.P.E.", my favourite 4-lettered word.
It is hope that keeps me going, the fuel that ignites my passion towards the dream I am striving to achieve & the very fire that keeps me alive.
For without hope, I feel I may as well be dead.
Hope should not be mistaken for wishes or expectations.
They are different, and they apply to different things or aspects in our lives.
I was acquainted with a way of thought not too long ago, that there are 3 levels of hopes, wishes & expectations.
Allow me to illustrate as such;
That in our lives, there are:
- things which we’d need to have;
- things which we’d want to have; and
- things which would be good to have.
Usually, things we need are the basic that we can expect when we make a choice.
When that choice is made, we would want it to be of a certain criteria.
And above all else, if there is an unexpected benefit that comes with the package, it’ll be good to have.
Ponder on this statement:
"It’s Friday again, and I sure 'hope' that this weekend would be a different kind of weekend. Will that be too much to ask for?"
Get it?
Difficult to digest?
Well, try.
HOPE -
[noun]
: something good that you want to happen in the future, or a confident feeling about what will happen in the future
[verb]
: to want something to happen or to be true, and usually have a good reason to think that it might
"H.O.P.E.", my favourite 4-lettered word.
It is hope that keeps me going, the fuel that ignites my passion towards the dream I am striving to achieve & the very fire that keeps me alive.
For without hope, I feel I may as well be dead.
Hope should not be mistaken for wishes or expectations.
They are different, and they apply to different things or aspects in our lives.
I was acquainted with a way of thought not too long ago, that there are 3 levels of hopes, wishes & expectations.
Allow me to illustrate as such;
That in our lives, there are:
- things which we’d need to have;
- things which we’d want to have; and
- things which would be good to have.
Usually, things we need are the basic that we can expect when we make a choice.
When that choice is made, we would want it to be of a certain criteria.
And above all else, if there is an unexpected benefit that comes with the package, it’ll be good to have.
Ponder on this statement:
"It’s Friday again, and I sure 'hope' that this weekend would be a different kind of weekend. Will that be too much to ask for?"
Get it?
Difficult to digest?
Well, try.
At The Beginning – Richard Marx and Donna Lewis
We were strangers
Starting out on a journey
Never dreaming
What we'd have to go through
Now here we are
And I'm suddenly standing
At the beginning with you
No one told me
I was going to find you
Unexpected
What you did to my heart
When I lost hope
You were there to remind me
This is the start
Life is a road
And I want to keep going
Love is a river
I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road
Now and forever
Wonderful journey
I'll be there
When the world stops turning
I'll be there
When the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you
We were strangers
On a crazy adventure
Never dreaming
How our dreams would come true
Now here we stand
Unafraid of the future
At the beginning with you
Life is a road
And I want to keep going
Love is a river
I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road
Now and forever
Wonderful journey
I'll be there
When the world stops turning
I'll be there
When the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you
I knew there was somebody somewhere
Like me alone in the dark
Now I know my dream will live on
I've been waiting so long
Nothing's gonna tear us apart
Life is a road
And I want to keep going
Love is a river
I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road
Now and forever
Wonderful journey
I'll be there
When the world stops turning
I'll be there
When the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you
Life is a road and I wanna keep going
Love is a river I wanna keep going on...
Starting out on a journey
Life is a road and I wanna going
Love is river I wanna keep flowing
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you
Starting out on a journey
Never dreaming
What we'd have to go through
Now here we are
And I'm suddenly standing
At the beginning with you
No one told me
I was going to find you
Unexpected
What you did to my heart
When I lost hope
You were there to remind me
This is the start
Life is a road
And I want to keep going
Love is a river
I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road
Now and forever
Wonderful journey
I'll be there
When the world stops turning
I'll be there
When the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you
We were strangers
On a crazy adventure
Never dreaming
How our dreams would come true
Now here we stand
Unafraid of the future
At the beginning with you
Life is a road
And I want to keep going
Love is a river
I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road
Now and forever
Wonderful journey
I'll be there
When the world stops turning
I'll be there
When the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you
I knew there was somebody somewhere
Like me alone in the dark
Now I know my dream will live on
I've been waiting so long
Nothing's gonna tear us apart
Life is a road
And I want to keep going
Love is a river
I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road
Now and forever
Wonderful journey
I'll be there
When the world stops turning
I'll be there
When the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you
Life is a road and I wanna keep going
Love is a river I wanna keep going on...
Starting out on a journey
Life is a road and I wanna going
Love is river I wanna keep flowing
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Can't Smile Without You - Barry Manilow
You know I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm findin' it hard to do anything
You see I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
If you only knew what I'm goin' through
I just can't smile without you
You came along just like a song
And brightened my day
Who'da believed that you were part of a dream?
Now it all seems light years away
And now you know I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm findin' it hard to do anything
You see, I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
If you only knew what I'm goin' through
I just can't smile without you
Now some people say happiness
Takes so very long to find
Well I'm finding it hard
Leavin' your love behind me
And you see I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm findin' it hard to do anything
You see I feel glad when you're glad
I feel sad when you're sad
If you only knew what I'm goin' through
I just can't smile without you...
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm findin' it hard to do anything
You see I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
If you only knew what I'm goin' through
I just can't smile without you
You came along just like a song
And brightened my day
Who'da believed that you were part of a dream?
Now it all seems light years away
And now you know I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm findin' it hard to do anything
You see, I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
If you only knew what I'm goin' through
I just can't smile without you
Now some people say happiness
Takes so very long to find
Well I'm finding it hard
Leavin' your love behind me
And you see I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm findin' it hard to do anything
You see I feel glad when you're glad
I feel sad when you're sad
If you only knew what I'm goin' through
I just can't smile without you...
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Need Help? Don't We All?
"No matter how much you have, no matter how much you have accomplished, you need help too. No matter how little you have, no matter how loaded you are with problems, even without money or a place to sleep, you can give help. Even if it's just a compliment, you can give that!"
Powerful words, I received this as part of an email I received from the wise Counsellor.
Needless to say, this has made my day.
It actually puts me more focused into the tasks at hand, things I have left unaccomplished & people I may have neglected to show more than concern for.
And how energizing it is to receive such beautiful things at trying times such as these.
For however we see things; events take place, tides turn & leaves fall off the tree for a reason.
That reason, having been so elusive to my mind, is now being more apparent.
Assistance, being a noun far more acceptable in our lives today in this fast-paced world is a better way to say "Help".
We give & we take assistance for different reasons.
The more we feel repulsive towards that hand stretched out, the mere fact that it was there may make us feel desolate.
The more we try to run away from those who will stop at nothing to see us happy, the further it will be for us to find that ever-elusive “happiness”.
And maybe, when it truly comes, we may not know them in the form it presents itself, as such, it shall forever be gone & never to be seen.
But only 1 thing is constant in all the quests we may have in life.
That we are constantly looking:
For a peace of mind;
For a better way to live;
For that someone we can truly call our own.
My sincerest congratulations if you have found yours.
I have found mine as well, it’s the convincing her to reach out that will take some effort.
Powerful words, I received this as part of an email I received from the wise Counsellor.
Needless to say, this has made my day.
It actually puts me more focused into the tasks at hand, things I have left unaccomplished & people I may have neglected to show more than concern for.
And how energizing it is to receive such beautiful things at trying times such as these.
For however we see things; events take place, tides turn & leaves fall off the tree for a reason.
That reason, having been so elusive to my mind, is now being more apparent.
Assistance, being a noun far more acceptable in our lives today in this fast-paced world is a better way to say "Help".
We give & we take assistance for different reasons.
The more we feel repulsive towards that hand stretched out, the mere fact that it was there may make us feel desolate.
The more we try to run away from those who will stop at nothing to see us happy, the further it will be for us to find that ever-elusive “happiness”.
And maybe, when it truly comes, we may not know them in the form it presents itself, as such, it shall forever be gone & never to be seen.
But only 1 thing is constant in all the quests we may have in life.
That we are constantly looking:
For a peace of mind;
For a better way to live;
For that someone we can truly call our own.
My sincerest congratulations if you have found yours.
I have found mine as well, it’s the convincing her to reach out that will take some effort.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Indecisive Decision, Whatever?
"Maybe... you should dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be; because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you dream of, and want to do..."
The revelations during this weekend are amazing.
Eventhough the light at the end of the tunnel seemed imminent; the way ahead looks bleaker by the second.
Met a guy at a gathering recently who revealed too much of his "profession" – Taking Names, Changing Lives.
Mentioned that it is really not that difficult to do, all it takes is just new travel documents, a certified Death Cert, a sum of money & peace is yours.
Whoah, talk about having a "new lease of life"...
Having announced one of the most controversial decisions I have made to date was not easy for me.
Neither was it just a sip of bliss for my paternal source, as I found out.
But he had to know.
I was to tell him.
Then there was the "brother & brother mamak session" with our YB.
And what an amazing time wehad.
Wow, this fella has really grown up.
But whether the ears have really popped-out, let’s wait & see.
Of course, along the way, there had to be an offer.
An offer which would mean leaving behind all the things which matter dearly to me.
No guarantees whatsoever, not even sure if it is worth it.
But the thought that this could be the only way for me to finally execute my escapism would materialise.
It’s the perfect "get-away", would not be seen as an excuse to "run away", but the question of whether I will be able to withstand the pressure & live up to the expectation is also another factor to my decision.
Plus, a pringles + float session, which, if misconstrued may be seen as an attempt to go back to square 1 & forever be stuck in the "not-so-comfortable" comfort zone.
And then, there is the "breaking the news"
Funny.
Didn’t really get the reaction I was hoping for.
But then again, what kind of reaction was I expecting anyway?
Ah well.
We’ll see.
The revelations during this weekend are amazing.
Eventhough the light at the end of the tunnel seemed imminent; the way ahead looks bleaker by the second.
Met a guy at a gathering recently who revealed too much of his "profession" – Taking Names, Changing Lives.
Mentioned that it is really not that difficult to do, all it takes is just new travel documents, a certified Death Cert, a sum of money & peace is yours.
Whoah, talk about having a "new lease of life"...
Having announced one of the most controversial decisions I have made to date was not easy for me.
Neither was it just a sip of bliss for my paternal source, as I found out.
But he had to know.
I was to tell him.
Then there was the "brother & brother mamak session" with our YB.
And what an amazing time wehad.
Wow, this fella has really grown up.
But whether the ears have really popped-out, let’s wait & see.
Of course, along the way, there had to be an offer.
An offer which would mean leaving behind all the things which matter dearly to me.
No guarantees whatsoever, not even sure if it is worth it.
But the thought that this could be the only way for me to finally execute my escapism would materialise.
It’s the perfect "get-away", would not be seen as an excuse to "run away", but the question of whether I will be able to withstand the pressure & live up to the expectation is also another factor to my decision.
Plus, a pringles + float session, which, if misconstrued may be seen as an attempt to go back to square 1 & forever be stuck in the "not-so-comfortable" comfort zone.
And then, there is the "breaking the news"
Funny.
Didn’t really get the reaction I was hoping for.
But then again, what kind of reaction was I expecting anyway?
Ah well.
We’ll see.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Lucky Heart, Poor Soul...
"To truly experience love, you'll have to set it free or be prepared to lose it...
For if it comes back to you, it's yours;
But if it doesn't, it never was..."
How would you feel if you were told the following?
That to finally execute a plan which is something that was agreed upon after numerous effort of talks & negotiation, you’d need to instead fulfil some conditions which you clearly know is absurd?
That if these conditions are not met then it would be “Plan B”, which also comes with ridiculous terms which involves parting with (a huge chunk, like, 3/4 of) your savings & doing what you would not sincerely be faithful to?
That even having gone through this part of the ordeal, the other party still insists on coercing you to forget about both the plans & forget that everything has ever taken place, resume to the "normal" life, but of course: terms & conditions apply?
(It’s ok to go: "W.T.F., you live with the Devil who tricks you with fine print in the contract or what?" because I feel the same)...
Is it my fault that the warmth & care does not add up to the hostile & fervent questioning, acussations & suspicious actions, causing the sensation of restricted movements & oppressive nature of a relationship?
Would it be my problem if the resentment level is at an all-time high due to the fact that the only emotions that can be described is beyond sadness, pity or even are just downright repulsive?
Am I to be blamed that eventhough the fact that I am no longer physically fit to be part of such a roller coaster, that has not in any way deterred the abusive & judgemental ways of dealing with issues but instead has upped the level of difficulties for this 3/4-working heart of mine?
Would it be wrong to have found bliss & comfort in someone who cares & is concerned enough to even ask to keep half of my medication in her handbag, for me, just in case I may need it in an emergency, due to the constant stress, challenges & difficulties I so face on a daily basis?
Thanks to the constant obsessive compulsive behaviour, the feeling of being pushed against the wall or having the head forcefully pressed into the water as desperate attempts to stay afloat to just breathe cannot be denied or withheld any longer.
It has gone to the extend of desperate calls for help to even stay alive.
Well, it maybe another weakened weekend around the corner, but this is the weekend of all weekends.
Hearts will be crushed, lives will change, minds may be lost.
But the only thing I hope to keep intact is my soul.
For if it comes back to you, it's yours;
But if it doesn't, it never was..."
How would you feel if you were told the following?
That to finally execute a plan which is something that was agreed upon after numerous effort of talks & negotiation, you’d need to instead fulfil some conditions which you clearly know is absurd?
That if these conditions are not met then it would be “Plan B”, which also comes with ridiculous terms which involves parting with (a huge chunk, like, 3/4 of) your savings & doing what you would not sincerely be faithful to?
That even having gone through this part of the ordeal, the other party still insists on coercing you to forget about both the plans & forget that everything has ever taken place, resume to the "normal" life, but of course: terms & conditions apply?
(It’s ok to go: "W.T.F., you live with the Devil who tricks you with fine print in the contract or what?" because I feel the same)...
Is it my fault that the warmth & care does not add up to the hostile & fervent questioning, acussations & suspicious actions, causing the sensation of restricted movements & oppressive nature of a relationship?
Would it be my problem if the resentment level is at an all-time high due to the fact that the only emotions that can be described is beyond sadness, pity or even are just downright repulsive?
Am I to be blamed that eventhough the fact that I am no longer physically fit to be part of such a roller coaster, that has not in any way deterred the abusive & judgemental ways of dealing with issues but instead has upped the level of difficulties for this 3/4-working heart of mine?
Would it be wrong to have found bliss & comfort in someone who cares & is concerned enough to even ask to keep half of my medication in her handbag, for me, just in case I may need it in an emergency, due to the constant stress, challenges & difficulties I so face on a daily basis?
Thanks to the constant obsessive compulsive behaviour, the feeling of being pushed against the wall or having the head forcefully pressed into the water as desperate attempts to stay afloat to just breathe cannot be denied or withheld any longer.
It has gone to the extend of desperate calls for help to even stay alive.
Well, it maybe another weakened weekend around the corner, but this is the weekend of all weekends.
Hearts will be crushed, lives will change, minds may be lost.
But the only thing I hope to keep intact is my soul.
"Forever Love"
Artist : Gary Barlow
Love, it has so many beautiful faces
Sharing lives and sharing days
My love it had so many empty spaces
I'm sharing a memory now
I hope that's how it stays
Now I'm deep inside love and still breathing
She is holding my heart in her hand
I'm the closest I've been to believing
This could be love forever
All throughout my life
The reasons I've demanded
But how can I reason
With the reason I'm a man
In a minute I'm needing to hold her
In an hour I'm cold, cold as stone
When she leaves it gets harder and harder
To face life alone
Now my dreams are filled
With times when we're together
Guess what I need from her
Is forever love
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Forgive? Forget?
"Maybe...the brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; after all, you can't go on successfully in life until you let go of your past mistakes, failures and heartaches..."
But do we get to choose what we let go or what we don’t?
If our minds come in partitions (like my laptop which just recently crashed, resulting in my “unplanned” spending of over 1K on a couple of hard disks, since they are new, I was advised to create Drives C &D), it would be easier for us to choose “Format” in the options given.
How often do we hear the phrase “To forgive & forget”?
Do we really forgive?
Can we really forget?
I personally feel that there is not a sin in this world nor a crime which can be committed that cannot be forgiven.
For I truly know that the ultimate salvation, forgiveness, punishment or reprisal should come from the Big Boss alone.
And since He gave us a sensory perceptional ability called “memory”, He either wants us to remember the things we’re set out to achieve in order to attain greater heights & be in His liking; or He wants us to remember the values which makes our lives meaningful so we will understand that He put us all here for a reason.
Whatever this “gift” is for, it has been sort of like a curse to me.
That is not to say I don’t forget things, I just happen to remember even the most painful of words, actions or deeds.
How nice if we can just delete certain things in our minds & just move on?
Wouldn’t it be great if we can just avoid a certain person in a situation hoping they too would forget?
Or would it seriously need a level of brain damage or injury to the head to induce amnesia to truly ever live happily ever after?
Maybe the biggest lesson I have learned over these past few days is to learn to let go.
Not everything, after all, I am convinced & I have been constantly reminded that certain people who would do anything to assist me in this troubled times, even sharing living space.
And then there is the Angel who would even give up parts of her life to see me in a different state of mind.
For this reason alone, I shall, in the words of the Angel: “Walk with pride and passion, and live as a new person!”
The reason is simple: Circumstance is such that a decision has had to be made. No matter how difficult it is to do so, it happens for a reason. And to go back against that decision would cause more hurt & pain.
If the Boss would have an ultimate reason for such a matter to take place, I am sure He will guide us through it.
For never would He give us something we can’t handle.
We may come out of it battered & bruised, but He will ensure we will still walk out of it alive.
That’s the word.
The least we could do is firstly, walk out.
I may not be looking forward to the brightest future, but I am willing to wait more than a few more 12 years for at least a happy one.
If there is still one.
But do we get to choose what we let go or what we don’t?
If our minds come in partitions (like my laptop which just recently crashed, resulting in my “unplanned” spending of over 1K on a couple of hard disks, since they are new, I was advised to create Drives C &D), it would be easier for us to choose “Format” in the options given.
How often do we hear the phrase “To forgive & forget”?
Do we really forgive?
Can we really forget?
I personally feel that there is not a sin in this world nor a crime which can be committed that cannot be forgiven.
For I truly know that the ultimate salvation, forgiveness, punishment or reprisal should come from the Big Boss alone.
And since He gave us a sensory perceptional ability called “memory”, He either wants us to remember the things we’re set out to achieve in order to attain greater heights & be in His liking; or He wants us to remember the values which makes our lives meaningful so we will understand that He put us all here for a reason.
Whatever this “gift” is for, it has been sort of like a curse to me.
That is not to say I don’t forget things, I just happen to remember even the most painful of words, actions or deeds.
How nice if we can just delete certain things in our minds & just move on?
Wouldn’t it be great if we can just avoid a certain person in a situation hoping they too would forget?
Or would it seriously need a level of brain damage or injury to the head to induce amnesia to truly ever live happily ever after?
Maybe the biggest lesson I have learned over these past few days is to learn to let go.
Not everything, after all, I am convinced & I have been constantly reminded that certain people who would do anything to assist me in this troubled times, even sharing living space.
And then there is the Angel who would even give up parts of her life to see me in a different state of mind.
For this reason alone, I shall, in the words of the Angel: “Walk with pride and passion, and live as a new person!”
The reason is simple: Circumstance is such that a decision has had to be made. No matter how difficult it is to do so, it happens for a reason. And to go back against that decision would cause more hurt & pain.
If the Boss would have an ultimate reason for such a matter to take place, I am sure He will guide us through it.
For never would He give us something we can’t handle.
We may come out of it battered & bruised, but He will ensure we will still walk out of it alive.
That’s the word.
The least we could do is firstly, walk out.
I may not be looking forward to the brightest future, but I am willing to wait more than a few more 12 years for at least a happy one.
If there is still one.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
FF's Book of Definitions
According to the Online Cambridge Dictionary:
dictionary
noun [C]
1 a book that contains a list of words in alphabetical order with their meanings explained or written in another language, or a similar product for use on a computer
2 a book which gives information about a particular subject, in which the entries are given in alphabetical order
I have my own book of definitions as well.
However, they’re more for phrases than single words.
Check this out.
Power-of-Dreams
(no, not the Jap-car manufacturer’s tagline per se):
Hoping that something happens, but knowing it wouldn’t unless something else does, then constant thought of it creates mental pictures in your mind with such clarity even during R.E.M. that it was so realistic in feeling & emotion.
Then, it happens.
Director’s Cut
(what was supposed to have been included into the movie):
When Catwoman pounces in uninvited on Batman & Robyn while they were in the middle of a private dinner in an open restaurant and goes: "Meowwww… can I have a bite?"
Pinnacle of Leadership
(or the sense of it, magnified by some virtues):
That when you speak, all listen & other conversations abruptly stop, even when others have taken the podium before & after you but were not able to draw the attention necessary to bring the message across. Where others have failed, you succeed.
Keeping Calm
(even when shit has hit the fan & you have every right to experience a nervous breakdown):
Still be able to lead a magnificent team to pull off a much anticipated, wonderfully crowded & highly successful event despite the fact that your chest feels tight, your head is throbbing, you’re stuck between the left & right and the counsellor was contacted by hostile forces so now she needs you to contemplate on temporary peace measures.
Soothing The Wrecked
(while all else look bleak):
A simple word uttered & the gentle understanding to reach out & offer a hand to hold on to with the intention to bring about peace, calm & serenity, without expectations & other unworldly desires, just the mere gesture of true care, sincere trust & unconditional love.
The Awakening
(not just physically & mentally awake):
A realisation of the fact that hits you right between the eyes with the revelation that "This is it. No more games.", after you have been confronted by your maternal source that certain quarters appear to be mis-using the privilege of being heard, thus manipulating the turn of events to their favour.
The "Tag-Along"
(could be used on a person, a thing or simply a state of mind):
The irritation that doesn’t seem to want to go away, a persistent sensation of being agitated by a certain source or the fact that someone doesn’t seem to understand or comprehend that there are places you may want to go by yourself & that could be the next best thing to signing your own parole.
Probing Delusional Act of Defiance
(also known as potentially a career-ending deed):
Is when you tell someone that you are going somewhere & they ask to be taken along (refer defined entry above), but you couldn’t because it doesn’t justify the nature of the visit, then in defiance & in an attempt to embed more contempt, call up the place to check if you’re there. Best thing is: you’re really not, but you had to "unintentionally" give the name of the place due to the fact that the truth can neither be accepted nor revealed.
Birthday Present
(to give or to take?):
A 28" Luggage Bag which you purchase after dinner with the strong-willed determination to pack every single piece of belonging & get the heck away from Alcatraz, because the parole offer may end anytime soon, minds may change, plumbing may burst, temperatures may rise & the hope of ever seeing the sun from this side of the globe diminishes by the day. Just remember to bring along the passport in case the country doesn’t deserve this citizen with a strong & inerasable memory anymore.
Scripted Playwright
(when you know that she knows that you know):
Masquerade of words, dances of calculated moves, deliberate steps taken in anticipation of the next. At least till the line on the horizon broadens, no guards will be lowered & there really isn’t any ways to tell if the stalking would end.
Deadline: July.
Dead end? You bet.
A penny for your thoughts?
dictionary
noun [C]
1 a book that contains a list of words in alphabetical order with their meanings explained or written in another language, or a similar product for use on a computer
2 a book which gives information about a particular subject, in which the entries are given in alphabetical order
I have my own book of definitions as well.
However, they’re more for phrases than single words.
Check this out.
Power-of-Dreams
(no, not the Jap-car manufacturer’s tagline per se):
Hoping that something happens, but knowing it wouldn’t unless something else does, then constant thought of it creates mental pictures in your mind with such clarity even during R.E.M. that it was so realistic in feeling & emotion.
Then, it happens.
Director’s Cut
(what was supposed to have been included into the movie):
When Catwoman pounces in uninvited on Batman & Robyn while they were in the middle of a private dinner in an open restaurant and goes: "Meowwww… can I have a bite?"
Pinnacle of Leadership
(or the sense of it, magnified by some virtues):
That when you speak, all listen & other conversations abruptly stop, even when others have taken the podium before & after you but were not able to draw the attention necessary to bring the message across. Where others have failed, you succeed.
Keeping Calm
(even when shit has hit the fan & you have every right to experience a nervous breakdown):
Still be able to lead a magnificent team to pull off a much anticipated, wonderfully crowded & highly successful event despite the fact that your chest feels tight, your head is throbbing, you’re stuck between the left & right and the counsellor was contacted by hostile forces so now she needs you to contemplate on temporary peace measures.
Soothing The Wrecked
(while all else look bleak):
A simple word uttered & the gentle understanding to reach out & offer a hand to hold on to with the intention to bring about peace, calm & serenity, without expectations & other unworldly desires, just the mere gesture of true care, sincere trust & unconditional love.
The Awakening
(not just physically & mentally awake):
A realisation of the fact that hits you right between the eyes with the revelation that "This is it. No more games.", after you have been confronted by your maternal source that certain quarters appear to be mis-using the privilege of being heard, thus manipulating the turn of events to their favour.
The "Tag-Along"
(could be used on a person, a thing or simply a state of mind):
The irritation that doesn’t seem to want to go away, a persistent sensation of being agitated by a certain source or the fact that someone doesn’t seem to understand or comprehend that there are places you may want to go by yourself & that could be the next best thing to signing your own parole.
Probing Delusional Act of Defiance
(also known as potentially a career-ending deed):
Is when you tell someone that you are going somewhere & they ask to be taken along (refer defined entry above), but you couldn’t because it doesn’t justify the nature of the visit, then in defiance & in an attempt to embed more contempt, call up the place to check if you’re there. Best thing is: you’re really not, but you had to "unintentionally" give the name of the place due to the fact that the truth can neither be accepted nor revealed.
Birthday Present
(to give or to take?):
A 28" Luggage Bag which you purchase after dinner with the strong-willed determination to pack every single piece of belonging & get the heck away from Alcatraz, because the parole offer may end anytime soon, minds may change, plumbing may burst, temperatures may rise & the hope of ever seeing the sun from this side of the globe diminishes by the day. Just remember to bring along the passport in case the country doesn’t deserve this citizen with a strong & inerasable memory anymore.
Scripted Playwright
(when you know that she knows that you know):
Masquerade of words, dances of calculated moves, deliberate steps taken in anticipation of the next. At least till the line on the horizon broadens, no guards will be lowered & there really isn’t any ways to tell if the stalking would end.
Deadline: July.
Dead end? You bet.
A penny for your thoughts?
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Theodor Seuss Geisel (March 2, 1904 – September 24, 1991)
"Be Who You Are & Say What You Feel; 'coz Those Who Mind Don't Matter & Those Who Matter Don't Mind"
- Dr Seuss
In living memory of this great writer, cartoonist & animator, I dedicate this entry.
For the straight-forwardness of the quote above is as direct as it gets & as elusive as ever.
On May 13th 2009, I posted the above as a status update in my Facebook.
And no, it’s not because I am out of ideas that I am repeating myself, I just felt I did not do enough justice to this very meaningful saying.
Just how meaningful, that, we would have to find out.
Because in life, we cannot go on worrying about what others would think or say about us.
As the saying which I hold true: "I can’t control how I am perceived, but I can control how I am presented".
How much allowance is there to be true to yourself, remains a mystery for most of us out there.
For we are all born with a value; what some would know as "conscience".
I call it my mask.
We are restricted by this very value that brings us self-worth.
Knowingly or unknowingly, we are constantly reminded to "go with the flow", "when in Rome, do as the Romans", etc... for the sake of conformity.
W.T.F.?
While, of course, it is almost a pre-requisite in the factual world that we do not necessarily put ourselves "against the grain" most of the time, but does it mean we will have to banish the thought of freedom-of-expression, freedom from oppression & to be honest & true at least to the person who you are building your life to: Yourself?!
I can’t help but envy those who have this luxury.
The very idea that I can live the life I want, to be myself, say what I think & how I feel & be with the person I would want to spend the rest of my life with is so alien to me that I would probably need to unlearn a lot of things in order to finally grasp the possibility of this ever happening.
Maybe if I learn how to let go of my ego & not worry about how others would judge me, I may be able to at least loosen up a little.
(This is not to say I would just blindly go & do the unthinkable!)
Maybe the only way is to make more time for the people who matter, and truly be in the position to be who I really am, even for that short but enjoyable moment.
Maybe I should really get away from those who don’t matter, since they mind so much what I do, where I am, what I say or the way I present myself.
Because, at the end of the day, it’s not only about how many lives you have managed to touch with your sincerity; it is also whether you have been truly sincere to yourself.
Enjoy your weekend.
Because for once, I know I will.
- Dr Seuss
In living memory of this great writer, cartoonist & animator, I dedicate this entry.
For the straight-forwardness of the quote above is as direct as it gets & as elusive as ever.
On May 13th 2009, I posted the above as a status update in my Facebook.
And no, it’s not because I am out of ideas that I am repeating myself, I just felt I did not do enough justice to this very meaningful saying.
Just how meaningful, that, we would have to find out.
Because in life, we cannot go on worrying about what others would think or say about us.
As the saying which I hold true: "I can’t control how I am perceived, but I can control how I am presented".
How much allowance is there to be true to yourself, remains a mystery for most of us out there.
For we are all born with a value; what some would know as "conscience".
I call it my mask.
We are restricted by this very value that brings us self-worth.
Knowingly or unknowingly, we are constantly reminded to "go with the flow", "when in Rome, do as the Romans", etc... for the sake of conformity.
W.T.F.?
While, of course, it is almost a pre-requisite in the factual world that we do not necessarily put ourselves "against the grain" most of the time, but does it mean we will have to banish the thought of freedom-of-expression, freedom from oppression & to be honest & true at least to the person who you are building your life to: Yourself?!
I can’t help but envy those who have this luxury.
The very idea that I can live the life I want, to be myself, say what I think & how I feel & be with the person I would want to spend the rest of my life with is so alien to me that I would probably need to unlearn a lot of things in order to finally grasp the possibility of this ever happening.
Maybe if I learn how to let go of my ego & not worry about how others would judge me, I may be able to at least loosen up a little.
(This is not to say I would just blindly go & do the unthinkable!)
Maybe the only way is to make more time for the people who matter, and truly be in the position to be who I really am, even for that short but enjoyable moment.
Maybe I should really get away from those who don’t matter, since they mind so much what I do, where I am, what I say or the way I present myself.
Because, at the end of the day, it’s not only about how many lives you have managed to touch with your sincerity; it is also whether you have been truly sincere to yourself.
Enjoy your weekend.
Because for once, I know I will.
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