The Month-Long Drama

"Never part without loving words to remember you with during your absence.
It may be fated that in this life you will never meet again..."


I am glad that my last entry almost a month ago was of a good, meaningful & memorable account.

For if fate has its way that we do not meet again, then that very last entry - if not of positive content - would be the way I would eternally be remembered; sad, bitter, negative & emotional...

It’s been a while since I last posted an entry.
And what a while it has been.

Many events took place, many things happened, many words were traded, many sleepless nights endured, many tiresome hours beaten up standing, many ups & down experienced, many good things to remember and of course, many things I would have wished did not turn out the way they did.

For it was also during this time that I did the most thinking.
No words could describe the pictures in my mind when my synapses connect.
Especially when loneliness creeps in & the silence is so deafening, you can actually hear your mind work.

Just so you would know, things that we would hear during periods like these, especially during the lowest point of our lives, could be as frightening as they could be enlightening...


All in all, I survived.

The ordeal of the experience of potentially losing the world.
The pain of having endured endless cold days & nights.
The sorrow of regret.
Losing my soul.


I would never be able to forget; the doctor’s verdict, the anguish of the truth, the honesty of heart, the moment the door slammed, the dumbfounded moment where I could not move a muscle, the sensation of standing at the edge of the window, the visions of what has happened in life playing in Technicolor, the SOS call to the counsellor, the sorrow of making choices, the delivery of penitence, the fall down the stairs, the glimmer of hope from the tail lights, the feeling of being in limbo...


I once wondered if the weather is tied to our feelings or moods or emotions, just like in the movies...

If it is, I can’t wait for the director to yell "Cut!"

Coz in this "movie" of mine where the script is non-existent, I have run out of lines.


I do wish to walk out of the set alive.
I know for a fact my heart would never be the same.
I can only guess if my mind is still sane.

But what I can’t afford to lose is my soul.
That is, if I have not lost it yet.

Have I?