According to the Online Cambridge Dictionary:
dictionary
noun [C]
1 a book that contains a list of words in alphabetical order with their meanings explained or written in another language, or a similar product for use on a computer
2 a book which gives information about a particular subject, in which the entries are given in alphabetical order
I have my own book of definitions as well.
However, they’re more for phrases than single words.
Check this out.
Power-of-Dreams
(no, not the Jap-car manufacturer’s tagline per se):
Hoping that something happens, but knowing it wouldn’t unless something else does, then constant thought of it creates mental pictures in your mind with such clarity even during R.E.M. that it was so realistic in feeling & emotion.
Then, it happens.
Director’s Cut
(what was supposed to have been included into the movie):
When Catwoman pounces in uninvited on Batman & Robyn while they were in the middle of a private dinner in an open restaurant and goes: "Meowwww… can I have a bite?"
Pinnacle of Leadership
(or the sense of it, magnified by some virtues):
That when you speak, all listen & other conversations abruptly stop, even when others have taken the podium before & after you but were not able to draw the attention necessary to bring the message across. Where others have failed, you succeed.
Keeping Calm
(even when shit has hit the fan & you have every right to experience a nervous breakdown):
Still be able to lead a magnificent team to pull off a much anticipated, wonderfully crowded & highly successful event despite the fact that your chest feels tight, your head is throbbing, you’re stuck between the left & right and the counsellor was contacted by hostile forces so now she needs you to contemplate on temporary peace measures.
Soothing The Wrecked
(while all else look bleak):
A simple word uttered & the gentle understanding to reach out & offer a hand to hold on to with the intention to bring about peace, calm & serenity, without expectations & other unworldly desires, just the mere gesture of true care, sincere trust & unconditional love.
The Awakening
(not just physically & mentally awake):
A realisation of the fact that hits you right between the eyes with the revelation that "This is it. No more games.", after you have been confronted by your maternal source that certain quarters appear to be mis-using the privilege of being heard, thus manipulating the turn of events to their favour.
The "Tag-Along"
(could be used on a person, a thing or simply a state of mind):
The irritation that doesn’t seem to want to go away, a persistent sensation of being agitated by a certain source or the fact that someone doesn’t seem to understand or comprehend that there are places you may want to go by yourself & that could be the next best thing to signing your own parole.
Probing Delusional Act of Defiance
(also known as potentially a career-ending deed):
Is when you tell someone that you are going somewhere & they ask to be taken along (refer defined entry above), but you couldn’t because it doesn’t justify the nature of the visit, then in defiance & in an attempt to embed more contempt, call up the place to check if you’re there. Best thing is: you’re really not, but you had to "unintentionally" give the name of the place due to the fact that the truth can neither be accepted nor revealed.
Birthday Present
(to give or to take?):
A 28" Luggage Bag which you purchase after dinner with the strong-willed determination to pack every single piece of belonging & get the heck away from Alcatraz, because the parole offer may end anytime soon, minds may change, plumbing may burst, temperatures may rise & the hope of ever seeing the sun from this side of the globe diminishes by the day. Just remember to bring along the passport in case the country doesn’t deserve this citizen with a strong & inerasable memory anymore.
Scripted Playwright
(when you know that she knows that you know):
Masquerade of words, dances of calculated moves, deliberate steps taken in anticipation of the next. At least till the line on the horizon broadens, no guards will be lowered & there really isn’t any ways to tell if the stalking would end.
Deadline: July.
Dead end? You bet.
A penny for your thoughts?
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Theodor Seuss Geisel (March 2, 1904 – September 24, 1991)
"Be Who You Are & Say What You Feel; 'coz Those Who Mind Don't Matter & Those Who Matter Don't Mind"
- Dr Seuss
In living memory of this great writer, cartoonist & animator, I dedicate this entry.
For the straight-forwardness of the quote above is as direct as it gets & as elusive as ever.
On May 13th 2009, I posted the above as a status update in my Facebook.
And no, it’s not because I am out of ideas that I am repeating myself, I just felt I did not do enough justice to this very meaningful saying.
Just how meaningful, that, we would have to find out.
Because in life, we cannot go on worrying about what others would think or say about us.
As the saying which I hold true: "I can’t control how I am perceived, but I can control how I am presented".
How much allowance is there to be true to yourself, remains a mystery for most of us out there.
For we are all born with a value; what some would know as "conscience".
I call it my mask.
We are restricted by this very value that brings us self-worth.
Knowingly or unknowingly, we are constantly reminded to "go with the flow", "when in Rome, do as the Romans", etc... for the sake of conformity.
W.T.F.?
While, of course, it is almost a pre-requisite in the factual world that we do not necessarily put ourselves "against the grain" most of the time, but does it mean we will have to banish the thought of freedom-of-expression, freedom from oppression & to be honest & true at least to the person who you are building your life to: Yourself?!
I can’t help but envy those who have this luxury.
The very idea that I can live the life I want, to be myself, say what I think & how I feel & be with the person I would want to spend the rest of my life with is so alien to me that I would probably need to unlearn a lot of things in order to finally grasp the possibility of this ever happening.
Maybe if I learn how to let go of my ego & not worry about how others would judge me, I may be able to at least loosen up a little.
(This is not to say I would just blindly go & do the unthinkable!)
Maybe the only way is to make more time for the people who matter, and truly be in the position to be who I really am, even for that short but enjoyable moment.
Maybe I should really get away from those who don’t matter, since they mind so much what I do, where I am, what I say or the way I present myself.
Because, at the end of the day, it’s not only about how many lives you have managed to touch with your sincerity; it is also whether you have been truly sincere to yourself.
Enjoy your weekend.
Because for once, I know I will.
- Dr Seuss
In living memory of this great writer, cartoonist & animator, I dedicate this entry.
For the straight-forwardness of the quote above is as direct as it gets & as elusive as ever.
On May 13th 2009, I posted the above as a status update in my Facebook.
And no, it’s not because I am out of ideas that I am repeating myself, I just felt I did not do enough justice to this very meaningful saying.
Just how meaningful, that, we would have to find out.
Because in life, we cannot go on worrying about what others would think or say about us.
As the saying which I hold true: "I can’t control how I am perceived, but I can control how I am presented".
How much allowance is there to be true to yourself, remains a mystery for most of us out there.
For we are all born with a value; what some would know as "conscience".
I call it my mask.
We are restricted by this very value that brings us self-worth.
Knowingly or unknowingly, we are constantly reminded to "go with the flow", "when in Rome, do as the Romans", etc... for the sake of conformity.
W.T.F.?
While, of course, it is almost a pre-requisite in the factual world that we do not necessarily put ourselves "against the grain" most of the time, but does it mean we will have to banish the thought of freedom-of-expression, freedom from oppression & to be honest & true at least to the person who you are building your life to: Yourself?!
I can’t help but envy those who have this luxury.
The very idea that I can live the life I want, to be myself, say what I think & how I feel & be with the person I would want to spend the rest of my life with is so alien to me that I would probably need to unlearn a lot of things in order to finally grasp the possibility of this ever happening.
Maybe if I learn how to let go of my ego & not worry about how others would judge me, I may be able to at least loosen up a little.
(This is not to say I would just blindly go & do the unthinkable!)
Maybe the only way is to make more time for the people who matter, and truly be in the position to be who I really am, even for that short but enjoyable moment.
Maybe I should really get away from those who don’t matter, since they mind so much what I do, where I am, what I say or the way I present myself.
Because, at the end of the day, it’s not only about how many lives you have managed to touch with your sincerity; it is also whether you have been truly sincere to yourself.
Enjoy your weekend.
Because for once, I know I will.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Changes in Our Lives...
"Maybe... it is true that we don’t know what we should cherish until we lose it, but it is also true that we don’t know what is missing in our lives until it arrives..."
Things change.
People change.
Emotions change.
Feelings change.
Like it or not, the only thing constant in this world is that: "Change is Inevitable".
How do we handle it when this happens?
Do we search for the reason or simply live with it?
Do we ask "what's wrong?" and come up with justifications on why it shouldn’t?
Would we be so heart-broken by the changes that we lose the hope of even looking at the potential good that comes with the change?
Would we instead be blinded by the reality of things that have changed & fail to realise that the very importance of the change is necessary for us to go on living the way we should live our lives?
While it is almost certain that there are basically no guarantees in life, assurances are what keeps us going back to the same things that matter.
An assurance that the company we work for would pay our salaries on time ensures that we (try) to get to work, on time.
However, there is no guarantee that this company will not be forced to close down due to economic uncertainties...
A feeling of assurance that the landlord would not suddenly change the locks to the house because we have been paying our rent on time makes it a secured feeling that we would still (to certain extend) have a roof over our heads.
But please, there is no guarantee that the landlord will put up a notice of eviction for somebody has offered a higher price to buy the house & we’re left with only 1 month’s time to find a new dwelling...
A deep believe & assurance that the one we love would not reject us in any way makes the faith stronger that the person is the right one.
Of course, in this case, even marriage would not be a guarantee, hence the increase in the population of lawyers who would be glad to handle "D" cases...
However, we should also acknowledge that assurances in life come very sparingly.
Guarantees; almost none...
A lot of people take things for granted, as a result of failure to see this fact.
So maybe it's time for a reality check.
That knowing what may potentially leave us would make us cherish them more.
That if we have taken for granted the things in life, it's about time we paid attention.
That if we have not been telling someone we love them, it's only a matter of 3 words; but of course, the short 3-worded sentence would have to come from the blood-pumping muscle.
And then again, we should always be able to see potential in the facets of other things of our lives.
We may not have planned for a certain event, incident or people to make changes in our comfort zones, rendering us in awe & shock so badly that we would be shaken & not be able to move.
We could never tell when the next move is going to shift us in our seats.
And neither could we tell if the people who walk into our lives would be permanently etched in our hearts.
I can feel mine twitch when the Angel tells me that she wouldn't want anything to change...
And besides the inevitability of change, I truly believe that this fact is almost certain, that we will not cherish anything till we lose them & we won’t know what is missing in our lives which we wouldn’t be able to do without until it comes.
As such, I would just be prepared.
Mentally, physically, psychologically & most importantly; emotionally.
So, are you ready?
Things change.
People change.
Emotions change.
Feelings change.
Like it or not, the only thing constant in this world is that: "Change is Inevitable".
How do we handle it when this happens?
Do we search for the reason or simply live with it?
Do we ask "what's wrong?" and come up with justifications on why it shouldn’t?
Would we be so heart-broken by the changes that we lose the hope of even looking at the potential good that comes with the change?
Would we instead be blinded by the reality of things that have changed & fail to realise that the very importance of the change is necessary for us to go on living the way we should live our lives?
While it is almost certain that there are basically no guarantees in life, assurances are what keeps us going back to the same things that matter.
An assurance that the company we work for would pay our salaries on time ensures that we (try) to get to work, on time.
However, there is no guarantee that this company will not be forced to close down due to economic uncertainties...
A feeling of assurance that the landlord would not suddenly change the locks to the house because we have been paying our rent on time makes it a secured feeling that we would still (to certain extend) have a roof over our heads.
But please, there is no guarantee that the landlord will put up a notice of eviction for somebody has offered a higher price to buy the house & we’re left with only 1 month’s time to find a new dwelling...
A deep believe & assurance that the one we love would not reject us in any way makes the faith stronger that the person is the right one.
Of course, in this case, even marriage would not be a guarantee, hence the increase in the population of lawyers who would be glad to handle "D" cases...
However, we should also acknowledge that assurances in life come very sparingly.
Guarantees; almost none...
A lot of people take things for granted, as a result of failure to see this fact.
So maybe it's time for a reality check.
That knowing what may potentially leave us would make us cherish them more.
That if we have taken for granted the things in life, it's about time we paid attention.
That if we have not been telling someone we love them, it's only a matter of 3 words; but of course, the short 3-worded sentence would have to come from the blood-pumping muscle.
And then again, we should always be able to see potential in the facets of other things of our lives.
We may not have planned for a certain event, incident or people to make changes in our comfort zones, rendering us in awe & shock so badly that we would be shaken & not be able to move.
We could never tell when the next move is going to shift us in our seats.
And neither could we tell if the people who walk into our lives would be permanently etched in our hearts.
I can feel mine twitch when the Angel tells me that she wouldn't want anything to change...
And besides the inevitability of change, I truly believe that this fact is almost certain, that we will not cherish anything till we lose them & we won’t know what is missing in our lives which we wouldn’t be able to do without until it comes.
As such, I would just be prepared.
Mentally, physically, psychologically & most importantly; emotionally.
So, are you ready?
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Mi Manchi, Ti Amor...
Maybe... there are moments in life when you miss some people so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real, so that once they are around you appreciate them more...
I awoke today to a brand-new experience.
And it was quite a pleasantly annoying one.
After a "misfire" at Euphoria last night, where some expectations were not entirely fulfilled, since the misty air of a rainy night cleared some doubts & confusion built up in the "non-smoking" club; it was a totally up to a good night’s sleep which I was hoping to depend on to make some sense of the situation.
That even in the company of those I’d trust my life with, having my car parked in the jockey area as a "showcar" in a glamour event, being served with my favourite whiskey, attractions of the feminine side in the area & the music blaring albeit not to the tunes I would really enjoy; even a monk would be found enjoying himself.
Don’t get me wrong.
I did enjoy the evening to a certain extend.
That was until the missing element kicked in with the hope & want of having that element by my side envelopes all other emotions.
I would always be caught silly myself for dreaming of things that happen on a particular day when I am asleep, or event that has just completed, or my deepest & darkest secrets visited, or worse: someone or something that I long for, if I wish it frequently enough.
For like I said before, the complexity of my mind would almost for certain bring in these thoughts even when I am yearning for a break, conjuring all the images & senses & feelings that would somehow seem familiar to me whenever I awake.
It’s painful sometimes, to have to segregate between dreams, fantasies & reality.
Of course, what we’re able to do in our dreams, we should be sane enough not to mix them up.
However, what if by ignoring the dream altogether would mean you may lose some things forever?
How about, if you do not heed the things you’ve seen in those dreams & you may never get to attempt to it at all?
Or what if, by denying the importance of the people you dream of, you may never get to let them know how important they are to you in you life?
I’d say, just do it.
Let them know.
Even if they were to ask you if that’s the only thing you say because they may hear it often enough.
Follow your dreams, don’t worry about the outcome.
Coz you may never have another chance to do so again.
I awoke today to a brand-new experience.
And it was quite a pleasantly annoying one.
After a "misfire" at Euphoria last night, where some expectations were not entirely fulfilled, since the misty air of a rainy night cleared some doubts & confusion built up in the "non-smoking" club; it was a totally up to a good night’s sleep which I was hoping to depend on to make some sense of the situation.
That even in the company of those I’d trust my life with, having my car parked in the jockey area as a "showcar" in a glamour event, being served with my favourite whiskey, attractions of the feminine side in the area & the music blaring albeit not to the tunes I would really enjoy; even a monk would be found enjoying himself.
Don’t get me wrong.
I did enjoy the evening to a certain extend.
That was until the missing element kicked in with the hope & want of having that element by my side envelopes all other emotions.
I would always be caught silly myself for dreaming of things that happen on a particular day when I am asleep, or event that has just completed, or my deepest & darkest secrets visited, or worse: someone or something that I long for, if I wish it frequently enough.
For like I said before, the complexity of my mind would almost for certain bring in these thoughts even when I am yearning for a break, conjuring all the images & senses & feelings that would somehow seem familiar to me whenever I awake.
It’s painful sometimes, to have to segregate between dreams, fantasies & reality.
Of course, what we’re able to do in our dreams, we should be sane enough not to mix them up.
However, what if by ignoring the dream altogether would mean you may lose some things forever?
How about, if you do not heed the things you’ve seen in those dreams & you may never get to attempt to it at all?
Or what if, by denying the importance of the people you dream of, you may never get to let them know how important they are to you in you life?
I’d say, just do it.
Let them know.
Even if they were to ask you if that’s the only thing you say because they may hear it often enough.
Follow your dreams, don’t worry about the outcome.
Coz you may never have another chance to do so again.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Emotional Telepathy?
"When you find that you can be adversely affected by a person through the very moment they frown, fret or even be downright unhappy; and the fact is that they too would be concerned by the slightest show of your emotion – never ever let go..."
And count your lucky stars that you have found that person.
For many people may come & go in the course of our lives, but only those who matter will leave their footprints in our sands of time.
As for me, 1/4 of my heart is already occupied & dedicated to this person.
And she knows it.
How she chooses to use this to her advantage or if she ever would do that is beyond my control.
Remember this phrase from a much earlier entry of mine,
“Love is giving the power to someone to destroy you, and trusting that they won’t”?
One thing I am certain is that I count my blessings everyday for being allowed to share so many things with her, and that I am not in any way being expected to do anything in return or that the relationship is unconditional.
And it wouldn’t be weird anymore to have the same emotions or sentiments or attitude towards things & events (even people) & be counter-affected by each other’s states-of-mind.
Well, let’s just say to be personally described as the person who knows her better than anyone in the world means the world to me.
I envy Robbie Williams not for his fortune & fame, neither his looks nor his voice.
Rather for his opportunity to declare openly that he is “loving angels instead”.
Don’t you envy me instead?
And count your lucky stars that you have found that person.
For many people may come & go in the course of our lives, but only those who matter will leave their footprints in our sands of time.
As for me, 1/4 of my heart is already occupied & dedicated to this person.
And she knows it.
How she chooses to use this to her advantage or if she ever would do that is beyond my control.
Remember this phrase from a much earlier entry of mine,
“Love is giving the power to someone to destroy you, and trusting that they won’t”?
One thing I am certain is that I count my blessings everyday for being allowed to share so many things with her, and that I am not in any way being expected to do anything in return or that the relationship is unconditional.
And it wouldn’t be weird anymore to have the same emotions or sentiments or attitude towards things & events (even people) & be counter-affected by each other’s states-of-mind.
Well, let’s just say to be personally described as the person who knows her better than anyone in the world means the world to me.
I envy Robbie Williams not for his fortune & fame, neither his looks nor his voice.
Rather for his opportunity to declare openly that he is “loving angels instead”.
Don’t you envy me instead?
Happy =)
"Maybe... the happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way..."
How true.
When we’re in constant pursuit of something, we may not even seem to have the slightest assurance that certain things will happen.
When the facts are clear that it looks like a lost dream, we would most probably look into what it means to us & what do we do next.
When it’s almost certain that no matter how much we wish for a possibility & be presented with data that the wish does not add up.
All we have by then is to be contend & happy that the other person is.
For having the best of everything will not mean anything if we would lose the very principles of our lives.
For the simple fact that nothing should be expected & sense of security is not even a question, when all seemed bleak & there is no road till the end of the journey.
But that doesn’t mean we should stop having a glimmer of hope.
For life presents itself in mysterious ways, eventhough we could just be pleasantly surprised, it is as close as the wish can come true.
As such, whatever may happen, even if it was not intended the way it was, it came.
I have had my share of great news today under the circumstances.
I chose to make the best of it, because, after all, it was a dream.
And to say that today would probably be one of the happiest days in my life would be such an understatement, for I have waited, wished, hoped, got slightly disappointed only to be lifted up to my highest level of happiness.
This is a moment which I would cherish in my memory for the rest of my life.
And to think that I used to hate "surprises"...
But today, I am truly grateful...
Thank you.
How true.
When we’re in constant pursuit of something, we may not even seem to have the slightest assurance that certain things will happen.
When the facts are clear that it looks like a lost dream, we would most probably look into what it means to us & what do we do next.
When it’s almost certain that no matter how much we wish for a possibility & be presented with data that the wish does not add up.
All we have by then is to be contend & happy that the other person is.
For having the best of everything will not mean anything if we would lose the very principles of our lives.
For the simple fact that nothing should be expected & sense of security is not even a question, when all seemed bleak & there is no road till the end of the journey.
But that doesn’t mean we should stop having a glimmer of hope.
For life presents itself in mysterious ways, eventhough we could just be pleasantly surprised, it is as close as the wish can come true.
As such, whatever may happen, even if it was not intended the way it was, it came.
I have had my share of great news today under the circumstances.
I chose to make the best of it, because, after all, it was a dream.
And to say that today would probably be one of the happiest days in my life would be such an understatement, for I have waited, wished, hoped, got slightly disappointed only to be lifted up to my highest level of happiness.
This is a moment which I would cherish in my memory for the rest of my life.
And to think that I used to hate "surprises"...
But today, I am truly grateful...
Thank you.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Perhaps Love - John Denver
Perhaps love is like a resting place
A shelter from the storm
It exists to give you comfort
It is there to keep you warm
And in those times of trouble
When you are most alone
The memory of love will bring you home
Perhaps love is like a window
Perhaps an open door
It invites you to come closer
It wants to show you more
And even if you lose yourself
And don't know what to do
The memory of love will see you through
Oh, love to some is like a cloud
To some as strong as steel
For some a way of living
For some a way to feel
And some say love is holding on
And some say letting go
And some say love is everything
And some say they don't know
Perhaps love is like the ocean
Full of conflict, full of change
Like a fire when it's cold outside
Or thunder when it rains
If I should live forever
And all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you
A shelter from the storm
It exists to give you comfort
It is there to keep you warm
And in those times of trouble
When you are most alone
The memory of love will bring you home
Perhaps love is like a window
Perhaps an open door
It invites you to come closer
It wants to show you more
And even if you lose yourself
And don't know what to do
The memory of love will see you through
Oh, love to some is like a cloud
To some as strong as steel
For some a way of living
For some a way to feel
And some say love is holding on
And some say letting go
And some say love is everything
And some say they don't know
Perhaps love is like the ocean
Full of conflict, full of change
Like a fire when it's cold outside
Or thunder when it rains
If I should live forever
And all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you
Fah Fah The Changed...
"Maybe giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart; but, if it doesn't, be content that it grew in yours..."
And what a weekend it has been.
One moment, I was gasping for air to breathe in my own space; then I was excited with the new-found emotional freedom to finally be myself; till I can’t seem to be able to find the meaning I want from being in that very state anymore.
Some close friends are beginning to see some changes in actions in an otherwise “not-so-encouraging” situation & wonder “why”?
Some have even gone to the extend of making their own assumptions & try to paint a picture in their heads as to where this story will finally lead to.
Whether they are still asking, this is all I’ve got to say: I made my choice.
I truly believe that, in life, every single choice we make comes with a certain price or sacrifice.
Be it to do or not do certain things, as we have decided, there is be bound to repercussions.
To have or not to have certain things also comes with a cost.
And to choose to love or not love someone makes such an impact that some people find ending their lives to be the only price they could pay for the sacrifices thy have made.
If given so much of a “choice”, who would want to be in such a situation?
Wouldn’t it be happier to “choose” the more convenient over the not-so-conventional; and risk being judged, being “counseled”, or even being tormented by others or just simply by a state-of-mind filled with expectations?
As bitter as it sounds, I believe no one would be able to say that the set of circumstances that they are in is the direct result of their choice & that they are happy to just let it be.
Maybe these people are contended with what life has thrown at them as the result of what they have given.
But then again, contentment is also one of the reasons the world is what it is.
So, where do we really find happiness in the choices that we have made?
Would it be acceptable to for a moment just expect something out of it?
Would we actually be able to tell when that certain happiness has “arrived”?
Would it be too much to ask for if we would simply just need a little bit of assurance that this love we feel is also as strong in the one that we love?
Or would the header of this entry explain itself, that we be contented with the love that grew in our hearts?
I don’t know for sure.
Otherwise, I would not have something to blog about.
And what a weekend it has been.
One moment, I was gasping for air to breathe in my own space; then I was excited with the new-found emotional freedom to finally be myself; till I can’t seem to be able to find the meaning I want from being in that very state anymore.
Some close friends are beginning to see some changes in actions in an otherwise “not-so-encouraging” situation & wonder “why”?
Some have even gone to the extend of making their own assumptions & try to paint a picture in their heads as to where this story will finally lead to.
Whether they are still asking, this is all I’ve got to say: I made my choice.
I truly believe that, in life, every single choice we make comes with a certain price or sacrifice.
Be it to do or not do certain things, as we have decided, there is be bound to repercussions.
To have or not to have certain things also comes with a cost.
And to choose to love or not love someone makes such an impact that some people find ending their lives to be the only price they could pay for the sacrifices thy have made.
If given so much of a “choice”, who would want to be in such a situation?
Wouldn’t it be happier to “choose” the more convenient over the not-so-conventional; and risk being judged, being “counseled”, or even being tormented by others or just simply by a state-of-mind filled with expectations?
As bitter as it sounds, I believe no one would be able to say that the set of circumstances that they are in is the direct result of their choice & that they are happy to just let it be.
Maybe these people are contended with what life has thrown at them as the result of what they have given.
But then again, contentment is also one of the reasons the world is what it is.
So, where do we really find happiness in the choices that we have made?
Would it be acceptable to for a moment just expect something out of it?
Would we actually be able to tell when that certain happiness has “arrived”?
Would it be too much to ask for if we would simply just need a little bit of assurance that this love we feel is also as strong in the one that we love?
Or would the header of this entry explain itself, that we be contented with the love that grew in our hearts?
I don’t know for sure.
Otherwise, I would not have something to blog about.
Friday, June 19, 2009
"D"-Day: "D" for Decision...
Maybe... to truly love someone you’ll have to give them the space to breathe & grow, even if it means you’ll have to leave them alone...
Last night was one of the most meaningful of my life.
Not just that I managed to keep a couple of dear buddies awake well into the wee hours of the morning, it was also the one true night that all that was kept in our hearts (hers & mine) pouring & somehow, messages were sent & words found new meanings.
Of course, it was emotional.
Otherwise, there would not be a need for an intermediary.
And we were blessed to have a very good one as well.
For her willingness to play this part to such extend & with such effect, I sincerely know that I shall be eternally grateful.
But the hope of what was said & decided should not be mistakenly perceived as merely an act or stage play never escaped my mind.
In a relationship, we believe that it takes 2 to tango.
In a compromise, it should not only involve a single party trying to make things work.
In a decision made, somebody will get hurt, and most of the time, both parties end up having to heal wounds.
For love is not about being in or keeping in possession.
Sometimes, to truly love someone or something, we may just have to set them free.
Our seemingly “undivided attention” or “unwavering affection” may just be too much for that someone to handle, especially when there is so much emotional & psychological aspects to the relationship.
Look at it as trying to carry an egg with our bare hands to a destination of great distance.
How we handle the egg is literally its salvation, for if we hold on to loosely we may drop it; but if we cradle it too tightly, we may just break it.
“Everybody needs a little time away, I heard her say, from each other;
Even lovers need a holiday, far away from each other...”
And maybe, absence may just make the heart grow fonder.
If I choose it that way.
All I can say now is:
"I wish you the strength, the will & the best of luck...
Most of all, I wish you love..."
Last night was one of the most meaningful of my life.
Not just that I managed to keep a couple of dear buddies awake well into the wee hours of the morning, it was also the one true night that all that was kept in our hearts (hers & mine) pouring & somehow, messages were sent & words found new meanings.
Of course, it was emotional.
Otherwise, there would not be a need for an intermediary.
And we were blessed to have a very good one as well.
For her willingness to play this part to such extend & with such effect, I sincerely know that I shall be eternally grateful.
But the hope of what was said & decided should not be mistakenly perceived as merely an act or stage play never escaped my mind.
In a relationship, we believe that it takes 2 to tango.
In a compromise, it should not only involve a single party trying to make things work.
In a decision made, somebody will get hurt, and most of the time, both parties end up having to heal wounds.
For love is not about being in or keeping in possession.
Sometimes, to truly love someone or something, we may just have to set them free.
Our seemingly “undivided attention” or “unwavering affection” may just be too much for that someone to handle, especially when there is so much emotional & psychological aspects to the relationship.
Look at it as trying to carry an egg with our bare hands to a destination of great distance.
How we handle the egg is literally its salvation, for if we hold on to loosely we may drop it; but if we cradle it too tightly, we may just break it.
“Everybody needs a little time away, I heard her say, from each other;
Even lovers need a holiday, far away from each other...”
And maybe, absence may just make the heart grow fonder.
If I choose it that way.
All I can say now is:
"I wish you the strength, the will & the best of luck...
Most of all, I wish you love..."
Thursday, June 18, 2009
And the ride ends...
Maybe... we were supposed to meet the wrong people before meeting the right one so that, when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift...
When I saw this statement along with a few very meaningful ones through an email I received today from a friend, I almost felt my heart stop.
And for those who are close enough, they’d know that it is not a good thing if I feel any sensations of the cardiovascular kind.
But this time, it felt that way for an entirely different reason.
Because, never in my life have I found a statement so profoundly powerful (& timely) that I was virtually feeling as though God has just touched my head & say:
“Hey kid, this is for you. Hang in there...”
So often I tell myself, challenges come & go.
Would there be any challenge that anyone would have to give up everything in their lives just to see the dawn of a new beginning, to expect life to change & hope for the best future one could probably perceive to exist?
What is involved, when the word “everything” is used in this instance?
Sacrifice...
Would it be money?
Would it be freedom?
Would it be their right to live from away from oppression & fear of unfairness?
Would it mean to give up the love for that someone who matters most?
Would there be anything else which matter?
The journey of life is a colourful one, an adventure if you may & we’re bound to meet with ups & downs.
Haha... how often have we not been reminded with this statement.
But truly, how many of us really know what it means?
As for me, it is simple.
But not necessarily of my choosing.
There are times when I know in order for me to do something which I like, there is bound to be some sort of sacrifice.
Whenever there is something I wish to reward myself with, I have to let go of something in return.
And to be with the people I truly enjoy being with, I would most probably have to forgo certain things for that certain moment.
What a way to live, eh?
And since the opening to this blog did mention “someone”, I guess this could be described as one of the most direct entry in this blog.
All this while, I have been blogging in parables not to arrogantly pronounce my aptitude in the English language or to show off my ability to speak metaphorically.
Not at all.
I did all these for the sake of keeping my integrity as a person, to avoid others from getting hurt & to maintain a certain level of self esteem.
However, as one of my best mates have put to me:
“Have faith & be strong. Never lose sight of the thing that you want to achieve. Whatever it is, do not allow the very essence of the principles of your life to destroy your self esteem & in the end, lose your soul...”
For today is judgment day of some sorts.
The decisions I am bound to make, either a “yes” or “no” is unavoidably painful for everyone.
As I have been in darkness & I am failing to see the light at the end of the tunnel, I feel that I will have to crawl my way out as soon as I can.
I will choose the way I want to live & hope to make my life better for the person whom I have finally met.
I owe her that much to see that I am better off of this emotional roller-coaster.
Because, for those who care, I shall put in more time, concern & effort.
Even if nothing more than just companionship can be expected, since nobody expects anything anyway.
I shall be grateful for this gift which is time-tested for 144 months.
And I know, I shall never look back.
When I saw this statement along with a few very meaningful ones through an email I received today from a friend, I almost felt my heart stop.
And for those who are close enough, they’d know that it is not a good thing if I feel any sensations of the cardiovascular kind.
But this time, it felt that way for an entirely different reason.
Because, never in my life have I found a statement so profoundly powerful (& timely) that I was virtually feeling as though God has just touched my head & say:
“Hey kid, this is for you. Hang in there...”
So often I tell myself, challenges come & go.
Would there be any challenge that anyone would have to give up everything in their lives just to see the dawn of a new beginning, to expect life to change & hope for the best future one could probably perceive to exist?
What is involved, when the word “everything” is used in this instance?
Sacrifice...
Would it be money?
Would it be freedom?
Would it be their right to live from away from oppression & fear of unfairness?
Would it mean to give up the love for that someone who matters most?
Would there be anything else which matter?
The journey of life is a colourful one, an adventure if you may & we’re bound to meet with ups & downs.
Haha... how often have we not been reminded with this statement.
But truly, how many of us really know what it means?
As for me, it is simple.
But not necessarily of my choosing.
There are times when I know in order for me to do something which I like, there is bound to be some sort of sacrifice.
Whenever there is something I wish to reward myself with, I have to let go of something in return.
And to be with the people I truly enjoy being with, I would most probably have to forgo certain things for that certain moment.
What a way to live, eh?
And since the opening to this blog did mention “someone”, I guess this could be described as one of the most direct entry in this blog.
All this while, I have been blogging in parables not to arrogantly pronounce my aptitude in the English language or to show off my ability to speak metaphorically.
Not at all.
I did all these for the sake of keeping my integrity as a person, to avoid others from getting hurt & to maintain a certain level of self esteem.
However, as one of my best mates have put to me:
“Have faith & be strong. Never lose sight of the thing that you want to achieve. Whatever it is, do not allow the very essence of the principles of your life to destroy your self esteem & in the end, lose your soul...”
For today is judgment day of some sorts.
The decisions I am bound to make, either a “yes” or “no” is unavoidably painful for everyone.
As I have been in darkness & I am failing to see the light at the end of the tunnel, I feel that I will have to crawl my way out as soon as I can.
I will choose the way I want to live & hope to make my life better for the person whom I have finally met.
I owe her that much to see that I am better off of this emotional roller-coaster.
Because, for those who care, I shall put in more time, concern & effort.
Even if nothing more than just companionship can be expected, since nobody expects anything anyway.
I shall be grateful for this gift which is time-tested for 144 months.
And I know, I shall never look back.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Kindness or Weakness?
It’s amazing.
How some people can misinterpret our intentions or are deliberately manipulating them.
Why do I say that?
Well…
How often has it been that you have volunteered to do a certain thing for your colleague in the name of goodwill because you know he or she has loads of things to cover & besides, it is something which you enjoy doing, only to be thrown unnecessary tasks or jobs by the same fella you have assisted some time back, not taking into consideration even to ask if you have the extra time to “help” him or her out this time around?
Have you been in a situation where you have volunteered to do something, only having in the end stuck with the same assignment over & over eventhough there are others who can easily stand up to do it since you have already done your part & you’re ready to move on to something more challenging that interests you?
Or, have you known anybody who takes psychological advantage of your kindness you shown, knowing for a fact that it would be downright unacceptable or degrading to undermine your care & concern with remarks or actions which put you at risk of making emotional decisions especially those which you may regret?
This is the classic example of how people can mistake our kindness for weakness…
How much more can we give & take?
Funny, how some fail to see that to compromise actually means that both parties would have to come to a common ground, a common understanding, even if the objectives are different, in order to achieve them would need a lot of effort to come to an amicable “win-win situation”…
When either side chooses to take all the time, where will it end?
If the other side keeps giving in, how soon will fatigue set in?
How long would it take for this “one-sided” compromise to lose the very meaning of its existence?
Things cannot be seen on a “right or wrong” perspective when a compromise needs to be set in motion.
It is the very reason why there should be give & take because no particular person should be seen the entire victor (right party) or loser (wrong party).
When this simple fact cannot be established, the compromise will fail.
However, give & take or compromising is by no means a solution.
It is only a way or method, if you will, to set aside differences to achieve a certain goal, to meet certain objectives, or to certain extend, to make a relationship work.
If only some people can understand enough not to take advantage of the giving party all the time, I am pretty sure the world would be a better place to live in.
Human beings are social beings.
We need the attention of the people who care for us, because at the end of the day, this is what matter to us most.
But if we need to be precarious of our thoughts, our words or even our unintentional actions in order not to jeopardise the compromise in the fear of losing grip & be threatened by things we do not wish to face, I’d say we may as well be alone.
Because in life, not everything lost can be found.
Especially when it truly justifies the means...
How some people can misinterpret our intentions or are deliberately manipulating them.
Why do I say that?
Well…
How often has it been that you have volunteered to do a certain thing for your colleague in the name of goodwill because you know he or she has loads of things to cover & besides, it is something which you enjoy doing, only to be thrown unnecessary tasks or jobs by the same fella you have assisted some time back, not taking into consideration even to ask if you have the extra time to “help” him or her out this time around?
Have you been in a situation where you have volunteered to do something, only having in the end stuck with the same assignment over & over eventhough there are others who can easily stand up to do it since you have already done your part & you’re ready to move on to something more challenging that interests you?
Or, have you known anybody who takes psychological advantage of your kindness you shown, knowing for a fact that it would be downright unacceptable or degrading to undermine your care & concern with remarks or actions which put you at risk of making emotional decisions especially those which you may regret?
This is the classic example of how people can mistake our kindness for weakness…
How much more can we give & take?
Funny, how some fail to see that to compromise actually means that both parties would have to come to a common ground, a common understanding, even if the objectives are different, in order to achieve them would need a lot of effort to come to an amicable “win-win situation”…
When either side chooses to take all the time, where will it end?
If the other side keeps giving in, how soon will fatigue set in?
How long would it take for this “one-sided” compromise to lose the very meaning of its existence?
Things cannot be seen on a “right or wrong” perspective when a compromise needs to be set in motion.
It is the very reason why there should be give & take because no particular person should be seen the entire victor (right party) or loser (wrong party).
When this simple fact cannot be established, the compromise will fail.
However, give & take or compromising is by no means a solution.
It is only a way or method, if you will, to set aside differences to achieve a certain goal, to meet certain objectives, or to certain extend, to make a relationship work.
If only some people can understand enough not to take advantage of the giving party all the time, I am pretty sure the world would be a better place to live in.
Human beings are social beings.
We need the attention of the people who care for us, because at the end of the day, this is what matter to us most.
But if we need to be precarious of our thoughts, our words or even our unintentional actions in order not to jeopardise the compromise in the fear of losing grip & be threatened by things we do not wish to face, I’d say we may as well be alone.
Because in life, not everything lost can be found.
Especially when it truly justifies the means...
Monday, June 15, 2009
A Weekend Away in the State of Solidarity
"Sometimes you think you know a lot; about life & love, but in actual fact you know nothing at all"...
Ahhh… Monday.
Some people dread it, most loathe it.
I can safely say a majority of the population would even wish it’ll never come…
As for me, I gladly welcome it.
For it means a whole new week, the start of a different row in the calendar & the opportunity to meet with the things & important people of my life.
But that doesn’t mean the Angel doesn’t have her wings around me on weekends.
Just through remote control.
And what a weekend it has been.
Solidarity is a new-found State in my map.
The serenity of its peaceful pastures, the free-flowing river with waters of inspiration & the richness of its soil of hope so entices me to stay on, & I truly feel very at ease whenever I come to realise its grace.
However, when I took a long walk to the other side of this state, there also lies a sea of doubts & wonders, a lake of unseen depth of despair, an unexplored forest of uncertainty & the hidden cave of eternal darkness.
As bright as the sun may shine, it still sets at the end of the day, giving way for the moon & its partners of the nocturnal glory to roam the land.
As blue as the sky, there are also clouds to that hang on to it with the zest of freshness in its rain that cools the air.
As vast as the possibility of the sea, it still is the Mother of All Creatures.
As perfect as this picture paints, the potential of a tidal wave or storm brewing is still inevitable.
Perfect World?
Think again.
No doubt.
No matter where we are or choose to be, the fact remains that there really is no running away from the things we need to face.
Things that are not as predictable as the rain, since the sky may darken to signal its arrival (most of the time, that is). But we need to face the pitter patter that fall on us.
Its how we deal with the sensation of its droplets when they hit our heads or faces that makes us worthy of life itself.
There would come a moment in time when we will face the dilemma of doing the convenient over the righteous.
Whether we feel that the easiest solution is just our way to run away & hide from torment & the flood of mass-opinion or it’s just our way to hold an umbrella over the rain to shield ourselves, if we’re not being true to ourselves then what difference does it make?
Would it be a way to tell if there is indeed a method to face all these?
Would we then realise that our biggest strength actually turns out to be our weakness?
Would it mean that in order to be fair to yourself, you have to be unfair to others?
Would we, in the end, in our effort to find our own State of Solidarity forgo things which seemed do not matter but in actual fact does?
Would it then be worth finding for keeps?
Want the postcode?
Ahhh… Monday.
Some people dread it, most loathe it.
I can safely say a majority of the population would even wish it’ll never come…
As for me, I gladly welcome it.
For it means a whole new week, the start of a different row in the calendar & the opportunity to meet with the things & important people of my life.
But that doesn’t mean the Angel doesn’t have her wings around me on weekends.
Just through remote control.
And what a weekend it has been.
Solidarity is a new-found State in my map.
The serenity of its peaceful pastures, the free-flowing river with waters of inspiration & the richness of its soil of hope so entices me to stay on, & I truly feel very at ease whenever I come to realise its grace.
However, when I took a long walk to the other side of this state, there also lies a sea of doubts & wonders, a lake of unseen depth of despair, an unexplored forest of uncertainty & the hidden cave of eternal darkness.
As bright as the sun may shine, it still sets at the end of the day, giving way for the moon & its partners of the nocturnal glory to roam the land.
As blue as the sky, there are also clouds to that hang on to it with the zest of freshness in its rain that cools the air.
As vast as the possibility of the sea, it still is the Mother of All Creatures.
As perfect as this picture paints, the potential of a tidal wave or storm brewing is still inevitable.
Perfect World?
Think again.
No doubt.
No matter where we are or choose to be, the fact remains that there really is no running away from the things we need to face.
Things that are not as predictable as the rain, since the sky may darken to signal its arrival (most of the time, that is). But we need to face the pitter patter that fall on us.
Its how we deal with the sensation of its droplets when they hit our heads or faces that makes us worthy of life itself.
There would come a moment in time when we will face the dilemma of doing the convenient over the righteous.
Whether we feel that the easiest solution is just our way to run away & hide from torment & the flood of mass-opinion or it’s just our way to hold an umbrella over the rain to shield ourselves, if we’re not being true to ourselves then what difference does it make?
Would it be a way to tell if there is indeed a method to face all these?
Would we then realise that our biggest strength actually turns out to be our weakness?
Would it mean that in order to be fair to yourself, you have to be unfair to others?
Would we, in the end, in our effort to find our own State of Solidarity forgo things which seemed do not matter but in actual fact does?
Would it then be worth finding for keeps?
Want the postcode?
Saturday, June 13, 2009
The Chicane of Loneliness
Here it is again.
After 120 hours of manic-Monday to TGI Friday + another few hours of partial consciousness on a (working) Saturday morning, comes the lonely & disconnected weekend.
Let’s seriously hope that this moment of silence could do some good in my effort to untie some knots which I choose to untie.
See you all next week.
Pray that I pull through.
Enjoy your weekends, since I wont't have that luxury, you guys might as well have a good one...
After 120 hours of manic-Monday to TGI Friday + another few hours of partial consciousness on a (working) Saturday morning, comes the lonely & disconnected weekend.
Let’s seriously hope that this moment of silence could do some good in my effort to untie some knots which I choose to untie.
See you all next week.
Pray that I pull through.
Enjoy your weekends, since I wont't have that luxury, you guys might as well have a good one...
Friday, June 12, 2009
The "KELUAR" Sign
Malaysia is a prosperous country.
Whether you like it or not, or have any comments on how it’s being run, we cannot deny we actually have some of the most spectacular & interesting feats of architectural achievements.
One of the reasons for this is the regulatory enforcement requirements.
And I believe nothing illuminates in the most conspicuous way than a fixture which is compulsory: The “KELUAR” sign.
The “exit” sign is a must in all commercial venues.
It is powered by its own self-sustaining power source.
It is meant to save lives.
If only in life we can just “up & go”, then follow the sign which reads KELUAR…
It may sound as though it is being used as an excuse to run away from certain things.
But when the fire draws near, it may the only chance to ever survive that ordeal.
How is it an option?
Would the mere thought of self-preservation mean that the person thinking of fleeing is a selfish person?
Don’t he / she have the right to live?
I can see the KELUAR sign.
It’s been there all this while.
It’s just had a bulb changed.
And I am glad that even during a black-out, the battery has not run out.
Chances are one I am out; I would not look back ever again…
Whether you like it or not, or have any comments on how it’s being run, we cannot deny we actually have some of the most spectacular & interesting feats of architectural achievements.
One of the reasons for this is the regulatory enforcement requirements.
And I believe nothing illuminates in the most conspicuous way than a fixture which is compulsory: The “KELUAR” sign.
The “exit” sign is a must in all commercial venues.
It is powered by its own self-sustaining power source.
It is meant to save lives.
If only in life we can just “up & go”, then follow the sign which reads KELUAR…
It may sound as though it is being used as an excuse to run away from certain things.
But when the fire draws near, it may the only chance to ever survive that ordeal.
How is it an option?
Would the mere thought of self-preservation mean that the person thinking of fleeing is a selfish person?
Don’t he / she have the right to live?
I can see the KELUAR sign.
It’s been there all this while.
It’s just had a bulb changed.
And I am glad that even during a black-out, the battery has not run out.
Chances are one I am out; I would not look back ever again…
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Holy Guacamole...
Challenges.
We face these every day of our lives.
Battles.
Everybody is fighting one every day.
Setbacks.
Things don’t always turn out the way we want them, but it is how life is…
Or is it?
What if: when Robyn unmasked Batman, the truth revealed & the cat’s out of the bag… however, unknowingly, Catwoman was sneaky enough to secretly listen in to every detail of the conversation? Oops? Well, it happens…
What if: you received an email from your Superior whom you look up to as one of those you would have thought could understand what you are going through, but the message you received makes you feel useless & downright not worthy of what it is you have been striving so hard to achieve?
Yea, well, it happens…
What if: the single most precious thing to you is disclosed, from the very person you have been trying to shield it from, and you have been trying to salvage the memories because it has been the sole energy that has been propelling you onwards through the thick & thin of life? All because of a flaw in the technology you have grown to trust only to fail you when it matters most & all the things you have been trying to hide is now all out in the open?
Too bad, but then again, well, it happens…
What if: you can only find the courage for a pinch of sincerity & the only space left in your mind for the truthfulness of your being is only limited to a small space in your daily jottings but somehow it’s taken away (even for a few days) due to your laptop crashing when you need it to serve its purpose most, of all times?
Oh crap. Well, of course it happens…
But what if I said I had to have all these happen all at once?
Wow.
Now that truly s**ks…
But what to do?
Sh*t happens…
Move on.
I shall not dwell on any of these.
Storms or tidal waves have no right to bring me down, simply because there is just too much at stake & I know I am good enough to rough it through.
People who care, people who are concerned & people who would do anything just to see me happily succeeding in my endeavours.
These people are truly what matter to me.
And I shall cherish this.
Even if there’s only one person.
Even if it’s just the Angel, I will continue to strive on, press on & move on.
For it is only this that matter.
We face these every day of our lives.
Battles.
Everybody is fighting one every day.
Setbacks.
Things don’t always turn out the way we want them, but it is how life is…
Or is it?
What if: when Robyn unmasked Batman, the truth revealed & the cat’s out of the bag… however, unknowingly, Catwoman was sneaky enough to secretly listen in to every detail of the conversation? Oops? Well, it happens…
What if: you received an email from your Superior whom you look up to as one of those you would have thought could understand what you are going through, but the message you received makes you feel useless & downright not worthy of what it is you have been striving so hard to achieve?
Yea, well, it happens…
What if: the single most precious thing to you is disclosed, from the very person you have been trying to shield it from, and you have been trying to salvage the memories because it has been the sole energy that has been propelling you onwards through the thick & thin of life? All because of a flaw in the technology you have grown to trust only to fail you when it matters most & all the things you have been trying to hide is now all out in the open?
Too bad, but then again, well, it happens…
What if: you can only find the courage for a pinch of sincerity & the only space left in your mind for the truthfulness of your being is only limited to a small space in your daily jottings but somehow it’s taken away (even for a few days) due to your laptop crashing when you need it to serve its purpose most, of all times?
Oh crap. Well, of course it happens…
But what if I said I had to have all these happen all at once?
Wow.
Now that truly s**ks…
But what to do?
Sh*t happens…
Move on.
I shall not dwell on any of these.
Storms or tidal waves have no right to bring me down, simply because there is just too much at stake & I know I am good enough to rough it through.
People who care, people who are concerned & people who would do anything just to see me happily succeeding in my endeavours.
These people are truly what matter to me.
And I shall cherish this.
Even if there’s only one person.
Even if it’s just the Angel, I will continue to strive on, press on & move on.
For it is only this that matter.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Weekend, Again?
In less than half an hour, the 5-day work week people will celebrate the Advent of a 48-hour freedom.
Ah, yes.
It’s known as the weekend.
In my case, eventhough my current employment allows a day off on every 1st & 3rd Saturday of the month, it doesn’t really serve a purpose.
For in fact, I do not feel lonelier than I ever do on weekends.
And to think that I am of the workaholic type would be blasphemous to the species…
Could it be dependency?
Or is it an addiction?
Maybe it’s just simply the part where I know I would miss so much for 48 hours?
I may be surrounded by friends & family, but still…
Hope this weekend could be different.
Well, wish me luck.
Ah, yes.
It’s known as the weekend.
In my case, eventhough my current employment allows a day off on every 1st & 3rd Saturday of the month, it doesn’t really serve a purpose.
For in fact, I do not feel lonelier than I ever do on weekends.
And to think that I am of the workaholic type would be blasphemous to the species…
Could it be dependency?
Or is it an addiction?
Maybe it’s just simply the part where I know I would miss so much for 48 hours?
I may be surrounded by friends & family, but still…
Hope this weekend could be different.
Well, wish me luck.
Of Car Chases and Police 'N' Thieves...
“One, Two, Juice!”
“Lata-lee-lata-lee-tam plom!”
“Police & Thief, Police jaga... Police mati, Pencuri jaga...”
Back in the early 80s, when I was growing up, these were the usual sounds that were heard at the school playing fields during that 20-minute break time we call recess.
I remember the fun we had chasing down a friend (or a bunch of them) as they were the “thieves” and I was usually the “police”. Never liked to be a thief, even if I was “made” one when I lost the “one, two, juice” thing, I would still turn around and make the “police” fellas suffer.
That’s how I used to play.
Those were the days.
I wonder if kids nowadays still do this.
But times have changed.
In this times of technological advancement, the only chasing down we see in schools could very much be on the PSP that the kids bring to school.
Does it mean that there isn’t anymore fun in the “Police & Thief” scenarios that we fondly miss?
Maybe not.
Just that the element of fun is no longer there.
And as we have advanced, so has our mode of transport.
Police & Thief is now played on wheels.
Like a car chase.
Chee kau sin!!!
Exciting?
You bet.
Wanna try?
“Lata-lee-lata-lee-tam plom!”
“Police & Thief, Police jaga... Police mati, Pencuri jaga...”
Back in the early 80s, when I was growing up, these were the usual sounds that were heard at the school playing fields during that 20-minute break time we call recess.
I remember the fun we had chasing down a friend (or a bunch of them) as they were the “thieves” and I was usually the “police”. Never liked to be a thief, even if I was “made” one when I lost the “one, two, juice” thing, I would still turn around and make the “police” fellas suffer.
That’s how I used to play.
Those were the days.
I wonder if kids nowadays still do this.
But times have changed.
In this times of technological advancement, the only chasing down we see in schools could very much be on the PSP that the kids bring to school.
Does it mean that there isn’t anymore fun in the “Police & Thief” scenarios that we fondly miss?
Maybe not.
Just that the element of fun is no longer there.
And as we have advanced, so has our mode of transport.
Police & Thief is now played on wheels.
Like a car chase.
Chee kau sin!!!
Exciting?
You bet.
Wanna try?
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Commitment, Roles & Responsibility
According to the Cambridge Advanced Learner's Dictionary:
Commitment [noun]:
1 [C or U] when you are willing to give your time and energy to something that you believe in, or a promise or firm decision to do something
2 [C] something that you must do or deal with that takes your time
Funny that both definitions are measured with an amount of “time”…
But isn’t it time that heals all wounds, makes almost every wrong a right, that it doesn’t wait for no man?
How often do we find ourselves trapped within the tides of time, only to realize that the things that we have been looking forward to may never happen?
Haven’t we seen enough that often times, people see commitment as something that just happens when it’s most convenient?
Wouldn’t it sound too familiar when we equate our expectations to certain things only to find out that the levels of commitment from the others do not justify the cause in the first place?
I have done my share of soul-searching these couple of days.
To gauge if the certain sets of commitment I have, well, committed to, would really be worth all my “time” after all.
The roles & responsibilities that weigh down upon this pair of shoulders, I sometimes wonder if I would walk out alive, or better still, walk out on them while I am still alive.
For there are expectations; the very notion that keeps the people looking up our way.
There are responsibilities; for without these goes our very reason of survival.
And there is commitment; for doing all these would mean doing away with the least of convenience we can afford & hold on to the role as tightly as we can.
While we still can.
But there never was a choice.
To close the door and never look back.
Commitment [noun]:
1 [C or U] when you are willing to give your time and energy to something that you believe in, or a promise or firm decision to do something
2 [C] something that you must do or deal with that takes your time
Funny that both definitions are measured with an amount of “time”…
But isn’t it time that heals all wounds, makes almost every wrong a right, that it doesn’t wait for no man?
How often do we find ourselves trapped within the tides of time, only to realize that the things that we have been looking forward to may never happen?
Haven’t we seen enough that often times, people see commitment as something that just happens when it’s most convenient?
Wouldn’t it sound too familiar when we equate our expectations to certain things only to find out that the levels of commitment from the others do not justify the cause in the first place?
I have done my share of soul-searching these couple of days.
To gauge if the certain sets of commitment I have, well, committed to, would really be worth all my “time” after all.
The roles & responsibilities that weigh down upon this pair of shoulders, I sometimes wonder if I would walk out alive, or better still, walk out on them while I am still alive.
For there are expectations; the very notion that keeps the people looking up our way.
There are responsibilities; for without these goes our very reason of survival.
And there is commitment; for doing all these would mean doing away with the least of convenience we can afford & hold on to the role as tightly as we can.
While we still can.
But there never was a choice.
To close the door and never look back.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Mask of Disguise?
Sometimes I wonder if we would be better off we all wore masks…
Why do I think that?
Hmm… Imagine with me if you will.
I bet there are times in life when we ourselves don’t know who we are, or what we want to be or who we are trying to become. How do we face the world or the people around us?
It is not always that we have the good fortune of soulmates or companions who wouldn’t judge us for the things we try to do, hope to do or fail to do.
Whether or not they understand what it is that we are going through, the care & compassion is unconditional.
The support that they extend, the healing touch when we reach out our hand, the gentle voice we long to hear when it is the darkest moment of our lives, never hesitant & unwavering…
Sounds like the perfect description of love, doesn’t it?
I also believe that it would be tiring.
Most probably due to the fact that so much is expected of us at the end of the day, where the only refuge we can seek solace from is our fatigued heart.
And it’s been described that poor souls only have their own to depend upon.
My close acquaintances would testify that one of my most-priced possessions would be my car.
Many would expect that I dedicate at least a few entries into this blog to it.
However, this may be the first to a few.
You see, I realized a week ago that a crack at the paint appeared mysteriously at the side of my skirting.
I didn’t have to think too hard for a solution.
I masked it with some cosmetically made-to-design stickers.
Voila. One flaw covered.
Which brings me to ask:
Is it as easy for us to mask our flaws in life?
Would it be acceptable for us to cover our own character shortcomings?
Wouldn’t that be known as being not true to oneself?
But the questions remain.
Are we strong enough to show what’s beneath the mask, instead of hiding behind the charisma of an alter-ego?
Would Batman still be Batman if he lets Robyn unmask him?
Do we wear them?
Or have we forgotten how to take them off?
Why do I think that?
Hmm… Imagine with me if you will.
I bet there are times in life when we ourselves don’t know who we are, or what we want to be or who we are trying to become. How do we face the world or the people around us?
It is not always that we have the good fortune of soulmates or companions who wouldn’t judge us for the things we try to do, hope to do or fail to do.
Whether or not they understand what it is that we are going through, the care & compassion is unconditional.
The support that they extend, the healing touch when we reach out our hand, the gentle voice we long to hear when it is the darkest moment of our lives, never hesitant & unwavering…
Sounds like the perfect description of love, doesn’t it?
I also believe that it would be tiring.
Most probably due to the fact that so much is expected of us at the end of the day, where the only refuge we can seek solace from is our fatigued heart.
And it’s been described that poor souls only have their own to depend upon.
My close acquaintances would testify that one of my most-priced possessions would be my car.
Many would expect that I dedicate at least a few entries into this blog to it.
However, this may be the first to a few.
You see, I realized a week ago that a crack at the paint appeared mysteriously at the side of my skirting.
I didn’t have to think too hard for a solution.
I masked it with some cosmetically made-to-design stickers.
Voila. One flaw covered.
Which brings me to ask:
Is it as easy for us to mask our flaws in life?
Would it be acceptable for us to cover our own character shortcomings?
Wouldn’t that be known as being not true to oneself?
But the questions remain.
Are we strong enough to show what’s beneath the mask, instead of hiding behind the charisma of an alter-ego?
Would Batman still be Batman if he lets Robyn unmask him?
Do we wear them?
Or have we forgotten how to take them off?
Lyrics to the Song...
And I am totally stunned at the very fact that this song will always reduce me to tears...
Enjoy it.
In The Arms Of The Angel
Sarah McLaughlin
Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Or beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless
And maybe I'll find some peace tonight
In the arms of the angel
Far away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find, some comfort here
So tired of that straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness
All this glory or sadness,
That brings me to my knees
In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
Enjoy it.
In The Arms Of The Angel
Sarah McLaughlin
Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Or beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless
And maybe I'll find some peace tonight
In the arms of the angel
Far away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find, some comfort here
So tired of that straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness
All this glory or sadness,
That brings me to my knees
In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
Monday, June 1, 2009
The Day After The Flu...
“If tomorrow never comes, would she know how much I love her;
Did I try in every way, to show her everyday, she’s my only one;
If my time on Earth were through, she must face this world without me;
Is the love I gave her in the past, gonna be enough to last;
If tomorrow never comes…”
Sometimes I wonder: if our deeds reflect on our innermost emotions; would we wanna handle ourselves differently in order to cover up how we feel about certain things, certain events, or worse still, certain people?
How do we be subtle in the things we do or say, in order not to give too much away?
It’s been said, we are the company we keep.
We be amongst liars, we lie.
We befriend charitable folks, we give.
We group with emotional yuppies, we sulk & ask “Why me?”
So, how are we supposed to treat the people around us besides well enough to let them know that we enjoy their company & hope they enjoyed being with us as well?
I lost a small battle to the F&F (fever & flu) 2 days back.
The doctor did not even consider giving me a jab despite recording a temperature of almost 40 degrees C.
He even refused to take my BP, saying that with such a high fever, it’s bound to go off the charts, so “don’t bother”…
Oh boy.
Many things were flying around in my head…
- What if the fever takes away most of my brain functions? What would I rather give up?
- What if the flu is not as simple a diagnosis as we perceived? Did I get it from one of the jokers who just came back from abroad?
- What if the meds counter-react with my current meds? Will I still wake up to a familiar environment?
- Would I have done & said enough to the people I care about so that they will truly know how I really feel towards them? Have I done enough good to be remembered as I would want to be remembered?
Lucky for me, I survived to blog about it...
Well, I guess if all the things I have said & done are not enough to truly show my true emotions, I believe there won’t be anymore ways to do it.
Some are even placing bets that what I am thinking is such.
Go figure.
I read this statement posted through our Company's Default PC Wallpaper (you see, it's our company's policy that all PC Wallpapers are standardized by IT Dept, so that it could also be used as a means to disseminate information, no matter how ugly or bad-taste it could appear to be...) but this piece really got me when it aired...
"Do not save your loving words for your friends till they are dead;
Do not write them on their tombstones speak them rather now instead"...
What if tomorrow never comes?
How much have you said or done enough to let them know of how you feel?
Did I try in every way, to show her everyday, she’s my only one;
If my time on Earth were through, she must face this world without me;
Is the love I gave her in the past, gonna be enough to last;
If tomorrow never comes…”
Sometimes I wonder: if our deeds reflect on our innermost emotions; would we wanna handle ourselves differently in order to cover up how we feel about certain things, certain events, or worse still, certain people?
How do we be subtle in the things we do or say, in order not to give too much away?
It’s been said, we are the company we keep.
We be amongst liars, we lie.
We befriend charitable folks, we give.
We group with emotional yuppies, we sulk & ask “Why me?”
So, how are we supposed to treat the people around us besides well enough to let them know that we enjoy their company & hope they enjoyed being with us as well?
I lost a small battle to the F&F (fever & flu) 2 days back.
The doctor did not even consider giving me a jab despite recording a temperature of almost 40 degrees C.
He even refused to take my BP, saying that with such a high fever, it’s bound to go off the charts, so “don’t bother”…
Oh boy.
Many things were flying around in my head…
- What if the fever takes away most of my brain functions? What would I rather give up?
- What if the flu is not as simple a diagnosis as we perceived? Did I get it from one of the jokers who just came back from abroad?
- What if the meds counter-react with my current meds? Will I still wake up to a familiar environment?
- Would I have done & said enough to the people I care about so that they will truly know how I really feel towards them? Have I done enough good to be remembered as I would want to be remembered?
Lucky for me, I survived to blog about it...
Well, I guess if all the things I have said & done are not enough to truly show my true emotions, I believe there won’t be anymore ways to do it.
Some are even placing bets that what I am thinking is such.
Go figure.
I read this statement posted through our Company's Default PC Wallpaper (you see, it's our company's policy that all PC Wallpapers are standardized by IT Dept, so that it could also be used as a means to disseminate information, no matter how ugly or bad-taste it could appear to be...) but this piece really got me when it aired...
"Do not save your loving words for your friends till they are dead;
Do not write them on their tombstones speak them rather now instead"...
What if tomorrow never comes?
How much have you said or done enough to let them know of how you feel?
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