After about a month of searching, a couple of fortnights of turmoil & a week of anticipation, finally; I will from now dwell in a new sanctuary.
It is not without hiccups.
For when I realised it, crap, the AC actually emits a certain foul stench after 1 hour of being in operation.
The shower is a little too under-pressured to my liking, but I would survive that.
Without the AC, I would need to open the windows in order to continue breathing.
And that’s when I remember, shucks, we live in a country where we’re still teaching the citizens how to rid their homes of the risks of dengue.
These are the stuff I could take with a spoonful of sugar.
And the queen-sized bed has never seemed bigger.
With a mattress protector, the feeling is simply marvellous; soft & comfortable as the sheets are new as well.
But it felt vastly too huge.
Even without the AC, I could not feel anything else but just how cold the room was.
Maybe it was not just the room.
My first winks came at about 4AM.
But I forgot to dream, because at the end of it, the fatigue is still lying at the back of my head.
Today, the LCD & the washer were sent up.
Appliances of entertainment & convenience.
Will I get to use them tonight it anybody’s guess, as I would most probably be still too tired to even want to do anything else but to get used to the cold & lonely albeit new surrounding.
"Though I may be looked up upon by a handful, shook hands with a few;
Make public speeches to many, have dinner with one or two...
I will still need to realise, that when daylight is finally gone;
The time when the soul truly needs it most; I will still be going home alone..."
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Thanks, but No Thanks...
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you..."
- Mark Twain (1835 – 1910)
But we’re not dogs, we were not starving.
And we prospered through hard work by our very own pair of hands.
You’ve guessed it.
Today, we shall talk about gratitude.
Such a misused word, oftentimes misunderstood.
There should be times when we needed someone to keep the doors of the elevators open just so we could get out with all our bags or stuff that we need to carry home.
"Thank you" would not be such a difficult thing to say.
There should be instances when we could use an extra pair of hands & were fortunate enough that someone was there to stretch out theirs.
To these kind-hearted people, we wish them the best in all their future undertakings.
There are times also that we are going through very important days of our lives & the people who matter to us would take the extra effort to make sure the occasion works our perfectly.
No matter how they would say otherwise, we would feel to be greatly in their debt.
There are times when things look bleak, the options unclear, the road seemed dark & uncertain, people have helped us pull through the toughest moments of our lives.
To these folks, the words "Thank You" would be an understatement.
Chances are, we would even cherish these people for the rest of our lives.
However, there are also those who, in the name of having done something or with the thought that they had, misuse the word gratitude.
For instance;
It’s ridiculous that the people who once helped us feel that we shall be so indebted that we would lose our souls to them, to the extend of going against our very will & do things out of gratitude even if it means there won’t be anything beneficial to expect from that action.
It’s also unacceptable that people who have spent a chunk of their lives with us expect that we will forever be committed to them out of being grateful, not taking into consideration that the days to come would actually spell more hurt, anguish, pain & disaster.
And it’s totally outright outrageously stupid for an employer to even have an inkling of a feeling that the staff of his company should be eternally grateful to their employment to be able to afford their livelihood or for having better or more lavish options or appear to have increased their purchasing power, not even thinking that for a fact, the time & effort put into making a living by the staff, all the sacrifices made in the name of that job & to add salt to the wound, the people in the company resemble animals in a safari, habitants of old folks homes or even patients in the mental asylum to be working with in the first place!
Hello, boss.
We’re paid for our work-lah, you think it’s charity ah?
Maybe you will feel you’re the biggest philanthropist in your donkey world, since you have a habit of doing so much charity by collecting stubborn, "I was here first", out-dated, old-fashioned & otherwise-unemployable-elsewhere senile citizens who keep extending their "post-mandatory retirement age employment contracts" & keep sinking their shrivelled hands annually into the bonuses which are so rightfully earned by others.
So redundant are these people that you even create unnecessary positions that would not even exist in companies which run on a minute scale of common sense.
W.T.F.?
This entry is by no means an attempt to undermine the virtue of being grateful, for gratitude is the mother of all virtues worth respecting.
I certainly do not wish to be misunderstood as a "B.U.L.B. – Blardy Ungrateful Little B*stard"...
But some people just have got to be told off at their faces.
Thanks, sorry but f*ck you!
- Mark Twain (1835 – 1910)
But we’re not dogs, we were not starving.
And we prospered through hard work by our very own pair of hands.
You’ve guessed it.
Today, we shall talk about gratitude.
Such a misused word, oftentimes misunderstood.
There should be times when we needed someone to keep the doors of the elevators open just so we could get out with all our bags or stuff that we need to carry home.
"Thank you" would not be such a difficult thing to say.
There should be instances when we could use an extra pair of hands & were fortunate enough that someone was there to stretch out theirs.
To these kind-hearted people, we wish them the best in all their future undertakings.
There are times also that we are going through very important days of our lives & the people who matter to us would take the extra effort to make sure the occasion works our perfectly.
No matter how they would say otherwise, we would feel to be greatly in their debt.
There are times when things look bleak, the options unclear, the road seemed dark & uncertain, people have helped us pull through the toughest moments of our lives.
To these folks, the words "Thank You" would be an understatement.
Chances are, we would even cherish these people for the rest of our lives.
However, there are also those who, in the name of having done something or with the thought that they had, misuse the word gratitude.
For instance;
It’s ridiculous that the people who once helped us feel that we shall be so indebted that we would lose our souls to them, to the extend of going against our very will & do things out of gratitude even if it means there won’t be anything beneficial to expect from that action.
It’s also unacceptable that people who have spent a chunk of their lives with us expect that we will forever be committed to them out of being grateful, not taking into consideration that the days to come would actually spell more hurt, anguish, pain & disaster.
And it’s totally outright outrageously stupid for an employer to even have an inkling of a feeling that the staff of his company should be eternally grateful to their employment to be able to afford their livelihood or for having better or more lavish options or appear to have increased their purchasing power, not even thinking that for a fact, the time & effort put into making a living by the staff, all the sacrifices made in the name of that job & to add salt to the wound, the people in the company resemble animals in a safari, habitants of old folks homes or even patients in the mental asylum to be working with in the first place!
Hello, boss.
We’re paid for our work-lah, you think it’s charity ah?
Maybe you will feel you’re the biggest philanthropist in your donkey world, since you have a habit of doing so much charity by collecting stubborn, "I was here first", out-dated, old-fashioned & otherwise-unemployable-elsewhere senile citizens who keep extending their "post-mandatory retirement age employment contracts" & keep sinking their shrivelled hands annually into the bonuses which are so rightfully earned by others.
So redundant are these people that you even create unnecessary positions that would not even exist in companies which run on a minute scale of common sense.
W.T.F.?
This entry is by no means an attempt to undermine the virtue of being grateful, for gratitude is the mother of all virtues worth respecting.
I certainly do not wish to be misunderstood as a "B.U.L.B. – Blardy Ungrateful Little B*stard"...
But some people just have got to be told off at their faces.
Thanks, sorry but f*ck you!
Saturday, July 25, 2009
It'll Pass...
"Life is only travelled once; today’s moment becomes tomorrow’s memory.
Enjoy every moment, good or bad, because the gift of life is life itself.."
When we let go, there are things we inevitably lose grip of.
For better or for worse, most of the time, time itself will tell.
When something which we have held on to for a period of our lives no longer seemed to be ours to keep, perhaps the only rational action next would be just to let go.
As long as the memory serves a purpose to bring about a smile, a sigh or even a raised eyebrow; we could be contended that those moments are forever ours to cherish.
It’s been said time & again, that to truly appreciate something; we may not necessarily need to keep it in our possession.
For what’s good of a love if we confine it in our pockets for keeps?
Once love is defined & confined, it starts to wither & die.
Instead, it should live in our hearts; in order for us to pass it forward so that others will also be able to experience it & cherish it their hearts forever instead.
Difficult, because our minds have been fashioned since young, that; if we like or love something enough, we should get a hold over it & never let go.
Especially true when we meet someone who comes into our lives whom we are so confident are the ones who would make an impact & we seem to be unable to live a minute separated from them.
Of course, it would be blissful to have them in our lives for the rest of it.
I am a believer of putting the effort to make things work just so that 2 people could enrich each other’s numbered days on this face of the Earth.
But, I am also a believer that when the days come that separation is inevitable, the mentality gap is inching wider as how planets are losing orbit by the day, the feelings & emotions are long jaded & faded, or the commitment doesn’t seem to add up in that relationship anymore, well, the only option to maintain a memory worth cherishing forever is just simply to let go.
Otherwise, which would you rather have in the remaining days of your life?
A bitter relationship where all compromise have failed, trust & understanding seem such an alien word with a partner whom you do not have more than 20 words to share in a day?
Or a brief & painful encounter of letting go, in order to preserve the moments where the passage of time has led you both, where each experience has its marvels, its ups & downs, which glow & sparkle to bring about a "Hmm, those were the days..."
I have made my choice.
It was painful.
It still is.
All I can hope for now is that it won’t hurt too long.
Wish me luck.
"Always believe that life itself is a gift.
That’s why today is called 'the present'...
Live life a day at a time, with no regrets."
That is probably the best gift you could ever have, for yourself to yourself.
Enjoy every moment, good or bad, because the gift of life is life itself.."
When we let go, there are things we inevitably lose grip of.
For better or for worse, most of the time, time itself will tell.
When something which we have held on to for a period of our lives no longer seemed to be ours to keep, perhaps the only rational action next would be just to let go.
As long as the memory serves a purpose to bring about a smile, a sigh or even a raised eyebrow; we could be contended that those moments are forever ours to cherish.
It’s been said time & again, that to truly appreciate something; we may not necessarily need to keep it in our possession.
For what’s good of a love if we confine it in our pockets for keeps?
Once love is defined & confined, it starts to wither & die.
Instead, it should live in our hearts; in order for us to pass it forward so that others will also be able to experience it & cherish it their hearts forever instead.
Difficult, because our minds have been fashioned since young, that; if we like or love something enough, we should get a hold over it & never let go.
Especially true when we meet someone who comes into our lives whom we are so confident are the ones who would make an impact & we seem to be unable to live a minute separated from them.
Of course, it would be blissful to have them in our lives for the rest of it.
I am a believer of putting the effort to make things work just so that 2 people could enrich each other’s numbered days on this face of the Earth.
But, I am also a believer that when the days come that separation is inevitable, the mentality gap is inching wider as how planets are losing orbit by the day, the feelings & emotions are long jaded & faded, or the commitment doesn’t seem to add up in that relationship anymore, well, the only option to maintain a memory worth cherishing forever is just simply to let go.
Otherwise, which would you rather have in the remaining days of your life?
A bitter relationship where all compromise have failed, trust & understanding seem such an alien word with a partner whom you do not have more than 20 words to share in a day?
Or a brief & painful encounter of letting go, in order to preserve the moments where the passage of time has led you both, where each experience has its marvels, its ups & downs, which glow & sparkle to bring about a "Hmm, those were the days..."
I have made my choice.
It was painful.
It still is.
All I can hope for now is that it won’t hurt too long.
Wish me luck.
"Always believe that life itself is a gift.
That’s why today is called 'the present'...
Live life a day at a time, with no regrets."
That is probably the best gift you could ever have, for yourself to yourself.
Miley Cyrus – The Climb
I can almost see it
That dream I’m dreaming but
There’s a voice inside my head sayin,
You’ll never reach it,
Every step I’m taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high
There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb
The struggles I’m facing,
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes they knock me down but
No I’m not breaking
The pain I’m knowing
But these are the moments that
I’m going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on,
There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb
There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb
Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
It’s all about
It’s all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith
That dream I’m dreaming but
There’s a voice inside my head sayin,
You’ll never reach it,
Every step I’m taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high
There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb
The struggles I’m facing,
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes they knock me down but
No I’m not breaking
The pain I’m knowing
But these are the moments that
I’m going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on,
There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb
There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb
Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
It’s all about
It’s all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
From Charlie-UnaPenta-UnaUna to Bravo-Sette-Okto...
"No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change..."
Barbara De Angelis
American Expert on Relationship & Love, Author
I remember being told once:
"The only thing constant in our lives is change, for it is inevitable..."
A shift from a comfort zone can be seen as one.
Tomorrow, I shall be given the access to my new sanctuary.
Over the weekend, I would have to drive up a different drive-way, go up in a different elevator, open a different door & wake up to a new surrounding.
It would, of course, involve a change of residential address as well.
This decision was a painful one.
For change always is.
Nonetheless, it was necessary.
That the fact of the matter remains a hurt & difficult to digest, however bitter, has got to be swallowed.
It should be accepted as one of the major decisions I am to make in my lifetime.
No matter what, the memories would remain; sweet or sour, most probably forever in my mind.
I may not wish it to be so, but I am only human...
However, the view from this new dwelling would be different.
I should make sure that I enjoy it while my eyes still see.
The warmth level could be different as well, but as long as I don’t "freeze" to death, I believe I would get by.
There would be a lot of things to purchase, a lot of things to clean & some adjustments to be made here & there.
All these are only natural if a change is set in motion.
And hopefully, I will finally get to use a functional kitchen & enjoy a home-cooked meal.
But it would be different.
Expectedly so, since the dishes would most probably be done by someone else this time around.
Habits will change.
Living standards will change.
State-of-minds will change.
Destiny will change as well.
Let's just hope I would get to keep intact my heart, my dignity & my soul.
So, house-warming... anyone?
Barbara De Angelis
American Expert on Relationship & Love, Author
I remember being told once:
"The only thing constant in our lives is change, for it is inevitable..."
A shift from a comfort zone can be seen as one.
Tomorrow, I shall be given the access to my new sanctuary.
Over the weekend, I would have to drive up a different drive-way, go up in a different elevator, open a different door & wake up to a new surrounding.
It would, of course, involve a change of residential address as well.
This decision was a painful one.
For change always is.
Nonetheless, it was necessary.
That the fact of the matter remains a hurt & difficult to digest, however bitter, has got to be swallowed.
It should be accepted as one of the major decisions I am to make in my lifetime.
No matter what, the memories would remain; sweet or sour, most probably forever in my mind.
I may not wish it to be so, but I am only human...
However, the view from this new dwelling would be different.
I should make sure that I enjoy it while my eyes still see.
The warmth level could be different as well, but as long as I don’t "freeze" to death, I believe I would get by.
There would be a lot of things to purchase, a lot of things to clean & some adjustments to be made here & there.
All these are only natural if a change is set in motion.
And hopefully, I will finally get to use a functional kitchen & enjoy a home-cooked meal.
But it would be different.
Expectedly so, since the dishes would most probably be done by someone else this time around.
Habits will change.
Living standards will change.
State-of-minds will change.
Destiny will change as well.
Let's just hope I would get to keep intact my heart, my dignity & my soul.
So, house-warming... anyone?
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
I'm Sorry, but Thank You & I Love You!
"Maybe... happiness waits for all those who cry, all those who hurt, all those who have searched, and all those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of all the people who have touched their lives..."
Once a week on Tuesdays, the company I am currently attached to would gather all members of the staff into the main conference room for a gathering which is known as the Weekly Assembly.
It is often used as a platform to reinforce competence, to celebrate birthdays of any member of staff that are born that particular month or just a means of disseminating information or announcements.
Usually, there would be themed activities.
Last month's theme was "Knowledge", where yours truly obliterated the whole assembly with the super-human ability to memorize facts of general knowledge, geography, history & common sense.
But today, things were different.
This month's theme is about social relationships.
It was however; quite pleasant to see the committee of this platform take the effort to provide each & every one of us 3 cards with our names on them which contained different messages; "Thank You", "I’m Sorry" & "I Love You".
And we were to pass these on to the people who we would want to say those things to.
In the office.
Yeah right.
Some held on tightly to theirs, not knowing exactly who to show appreciation enough to say "I Love You", some offended others so much that one "I’m Sorry" card is not enough to go around, while there are those who wished they could thank the whole company for giving them tolerable crap & made their lives less miserable that they stayed on for more than 10 years...
And some were so sadly waiting for at least 1 card to come their way, desperate to know if theire presence made a difference at all.
I can’t help but to start doubting.
Whether in such a setting, so professional & formal, where most are here for 1 reason which is to provide for themselves a means to a livelihood, would people clearly, sincerely & honestly know how to "tag" their colleagues with such cards.
For I know, in the course of our dealings with others, we are bound to cross paths with others.
It would only be natural human instinct to reach out.
But in the office?
No prizes for guessing where mine have gone.
Then there was this sentiment that I felt; the more often you say something, the more others would begin to believe it.
However, there are some words that if spoken too often would lose its meaning & the essence of the message would not be felt, having the very effect of having said it disappear.
Maybe it’s true.
To truly find what we’re looking for, we would need to have searched for it.
When we would appear to have found it, we must lose it to really appreciate it.
And when we find it again, probably in another form or another realm of our reality, we would appreciate it more.
For the times we searched, tried & cried, we would have stiffened ourselves towards what we consider as the element of animosity.
We may have been shaped & fashioned from our experiences, would be now the person, who is the result of the trials & tribulations we faced or braved through, jaded with the happenings & events which may take place.
It is our right to preserve the qualities we have acquired, the survival skills we have adopted & the circumstances we have adapted to.
But when happiness is at our doorstep, would we be able to identify it, embrace it & claim it as our own?
Knock knock?
Once a week on Tuesdays, the company I am currently attached to would gather all members of the staff into the main conference room for a gathering which is known as the Weekly Assembly.
It is often used as a platform to reinforce competence, to celebrate birthdays of any member of staff that are born that particular month or just a means of disseminating information or announcements.
Usually, there would be themed activities.
Last month's theme was "Knowledge", where yours truly obliterated the whole assembly with the super-human ability to memorize facts of general knowledge, geography, history & common sense.
But today, things were different.
This month's theme is about social relationships.
It was however; quite pleasant to see the committee of this platform take the effort to provide each & every one of us 3 cards with our names on them which contained different messages; "Thank You", "I’m Sorry" & "I Love You".
And we were to pass these on to the people who we would want to say those things to.
In the office.
Yeah right.
Some held on tightly to theirs, not knowing exactly who to show appreciation enough to say "I Love You", some offended others so much that one "I’m Sorry" card is not enough to go around, while there are those who wished they could thank the whole company for giving them tolerable crap & made their lives less miserable that they stayed on for more than 10 years...
And some were so sadly waiting for at least 1 card to come their way, desperate to know if theire presence made a difference at all.
I can’t help but to start doubting.
Whether in such a setting, so professional & formal, where most are here for 1 reason which is to provide for themselves a means to a livelihood, would people clearly, sincerely & honestly know how to "tag" their colleagues with such cards.
For I know, in the course of our dealings with others, we are bound to cross paths with others.
It would only be natural human instinct to reach out.
But in the office?
No prizes for guessing where mine have gone.
Then there was this sentiment that I felt; the more often you say something, the more others would begin to believe it.
However, there are some words that if spoken too often would lose its meaning & the essence of the message would not be felt, having the very effect of having said it disappear.
Maybe it’s true.
To truly find what we’re looking for, we would need to have searched for it.
When we would appear to have found it, we must lose it to really appreciate it.
And when we find it again, probably in another form or another realm of our reality, we would appreciate it more.
For the times we searched, tried & cried, we would have stiffened ourselves towards what we consider as the element of animosity.
We may have been shaped & fashioned from our experiences, would be now the person, who is the result of the trials & tribulations we faced or braved through, jaded with the happenings & events which may take place.
It is our right to preserve the qualities we have acquired, the survival skills we have adopted & the circumstances we have adapted to.
But when happiness is at our doorstep, would we be able to identify it, embrace it & claim it as our own?
Knock knock?
Monday, July 20, 2009
Mixed Platter of Emotions...
"It may be true that love does not make the world go round, but it sure makes the ride worthwhile..."
And what a heck of a ride it’s been too!
Today would be written in the history of my being as a day of many descriptions of emotions;
Boredom, Anger, Sadness, Gratitude, Trustworthy, Sense of Achievement, Fulfilment & Happiness.
As usual, the day started off as any other Monday of mixed feelings, that you finally get to be "reconnected" after the weekend – albeit a shorter one this time around – but still, 24 hours is still a long time to be restrained from such a powerful factor in your life.
But it’s still a Monday, and the sluggishness of the weekend has yet to wear off.
Then comes the "lobotomy session" where animals which are brain-dead in the first place go to get their brains "washed & stormed" for a cause, futile nonetheless, but still the idea that every idea is futile never seems to register in brain-dead animals.
Hence; boredom.
Wash that down with a message received which you should have received 3 days ago about some things you would wish would not happen, but it did, which actually does not affect you anymore besides being an annoying & irritating fact that it did.
And the person carrying that message felt that it was best kept till today in order for the weekend to be enjoyed to the max, without ever realising that by not knowing what you should have known, you may end up making the wrong decisions or wrong judgment calls which you may regret.
That’s the anger part.
Knowing in advance that today could potentially be one of the most lonesome days of the year due to the fact that you would be left alone after lunch makes it imperative that every minute you get to spend with her be totally undisturbed & uninterrupted.
Sadness creeps in when the orders for lunch arrived.
Somehow, some sense was knocked into your mind that the message-carrier was only bearing the best of your interest at heart by not revealing what she did earlier for the sake of so many parties, you feel bad for that reaction & you agree, that this person has the most genuine concern for everyone.
And you felt that that person deserves a bit of gratitude.
Next, your phone rings.
It’s a number so long; it has to be either a long-distance call or a call from overseas.
You pick it up & find your good buddy, brother-like on the other end calling all the way from Taiwan asking for a favour to lend assistance, eventhough the scene of the matter is almost 80km away from your current location.
And due to the "brotherly-love"; out of all people, he chooses to call you.
You launch into "Search & Rescue" mode, doing all you can, but in the same time feeling very helpless.
Then you were reminded by the Angel that you could call your own (biological) brother, who is close enough to the scene & is in his most professional capacity to do something for help.
He does it, doesn’t leave room to disappoint you,
And for once in your life, you feel that sense of pride which does not happen very often.
Trustworthy, runs in the family.
Due to a pertinent date of event, something has to be purchased.
You get to the shop which trades in that particular group of items sourced.
The selections are many, but not all catches your attention.
And the one which deserves mention could be bundled with things that are usually not available in other shops, which makes it a good deal.
You close the deal, with everything promised in the bag, nothing less.
Sense of achievement, you bet.
You walk to the bank to secure that deal once & for all as it involves a lump-sum cash payment.
All this so that the one who matters most would be able to do what she needs & would be happy to do.
And since she’s happy to be able to do it, a strong sensation of fulfilment rages through your heart.
What a day so far, huh?
Oh, and yeah.
Happiness is when you realise that the very gift she reluctantly received earlier during the weekend is so beautiful in its intended place.
Say "Cheese"?
And what a heck of a ride it’s been too!
Today would be written in the history of my being as a day of many descriptions of emotions;
Boredom, Anger, Sadness, Gratitude, Trustworthy, Sense of Achievement, Fulfilment & Happiness.
As usual, the day started off as any other Monday of mixed feelings, that you finally get to be "reconnected" after the weekend – albeit a shorter one this time around – but still, 24 hours is still a long time to be restrained from such a powerful factor in your life.
But it’s still a Monday, and the sluggishness of the weekend has yet to wear off.
Then comes the "lobotomy session" where animals which are brain-dead in the first place go to get their brains "washed & stormed" for a cause, futile nonetheless, but still the idea that every idea is futile never seems to register in brain-dead animals.
Hence; boredom.
Wash that down with a message received which you should have received 3 days ago about some things you would wish would not happen, but it did, which actually does not affect you anymore besides being an annoying & irritating fact that it did.
And the person carrying that message felt that it was best kept till today in order for the weekend to be enjoyed to the max, without ever realising that by not knowing what you should have known, you may end up making the wrong decisions or wrong judgment calls which you may regret.
That’s the anger part.
Knowing in advance that today could potentially be one of the most lonesome days of the year due to the fact that you would be left alone after lunch makes it imperative that every minute you get to spend with her be totally undisturbed & uninterrupted.
Sadness creeps in when the orders for lunch arrived.
Somehow, some sense was knocked into your mind that the message-carrier was only bearing the best of your interest at heart by not revealing what she did earlier for the sake of so many parties, you feel bad for that reaction & you agree, that this person has the most genuine concern for everyone.
And you felt that that person deserves a bit of gratitude.
Next, your phone rings.
It’s a number so long; it has to be either a long-distance call or a call from overseas.
You pick it up & find your good buddy, brother-like on the other end calling all the way from Taiwan asking for a favour to lend assistance, eventhough the scene of the matter is almost 80km away from your current location.
And due to the "brotherly-love"; out of all people, he chooses to call you.
You launch into "Search & Rescue" mode, doing all you can, but in the same time feeling very helpless.
Then you were reminded by the Angel that you could call your own (biological) brother, who is close enough to the scene & is in his most professional capacity to do something for help.
He does it, doesn’t leave room to disappoint you,
And for once in your life, you feel that sense of pride which does not happen very often.
Trustworthy, runs in the family.
Due to a pertinent date of event, something has to be purchased.
You get to the shop which trades in that particular group of items sourced.
The selections are many, but not all catches your attention.
And the one which deserves mention could be bundled with things that are usually not available in other shops, which makes it a good deal.
You close the deal, with everything promised in the bag, nothing less.
Sense of achievement, you bet.
You walk to the bank to secure that deal once & for all as it involves a lump-sum cash payment.
All this so that the one who matters most would be able to do what she needs & would be happy to do.
And since she’s happy to be able to do it, a strong sensation of fulfilment rages through your heart.
What a day so far, huh?
Oh, and yeah.
Happiness is when you realise that the very gift she reluctantly received earlier during the weekend is so beautiful in its intended place.
Say "Cheese"?
Friday, July 17, 2009
Eggs, Chilies, Coffee & Black Pepper Sauce...
"Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.
Remember also, that the quality of your life is the quality of your relationships..."
Anthony Robbins
American Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Expert / Consultant
I remember reading this line somewhere:
In a relationship, the things we do or say are not half as important as to be who we really are.
Our inner core character must not be suppressed; otherwise it would hinder the very basic necessity in a relationship - Effective Interdependence
So, what exactly is a relationship?
When 2 people get together & feel that it's one of the most comfortable experiences they have had & the enjoyment of each other's company on an almost daily basis?
The funny feeling that something is missing when these 2 people don’t get to see each other even for a day?
The ability to tell what the other is thinking even without an attempt at exchanging words?
Could it be testified through the time when we are reminded of that someone whenever we come across certain things, places, songs, smells or events?
That sometimes the only goal & objective we strive to achieve everyday is to minimise their irritability, bring up their moods & somehow ensure that they enjoy their day?
Or just knowing what the other prefers; a sunny side up with a cooked yoke, or a simple request for cut small chillies in soy sauce to the usual palate for iced coffee and the almost-definite extra order of black pepper sauce; even before they tell you that's what they would want?
It's Friday.
And usually my alter-ego would emerge.
But this weekend is different.
It's a DCT...
Chances are, I may will enjoy this weekend as well.
I hope you do too.
I leave you at the turn of this week with this very fine line:
"It is the things in common that make relationships enjoyable, bit it is the little differences that make them interesting..."
Todd Ruthman
Remember also, that the quality of your life is the quality of your relationships..."
Anthony Robbins
American Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Expert / Consultant
I remember reading this line somewhere:
In a relationship, the things we do or say are not half as important as to be who we really are.
Our inner core character must not be suppressed; otherwise it would hinder the very basic necessity in a relationship - Effective Interdependence
So, what exactly is a relationship?
When 2 people get together & feel that it's one of the most comfortable experiences they have had & the enjoyment of each other's company on an almost daily basis?
The funny feeling that something is missing when these 2 people don’t get to see each other even for a day?
The ability to tell what the other is thinking even without an attempt at exchanging words?
Could it be testified through the time when we are reminded of that someone whenever we come across certain things, places, songs, smells or events?
That sometimes the only goal & objective we strive to achieve everyday is to minimise their irritability, bring up their moods & somehow ensure that they enjoy their day?
Or just knowing what the other prefers; a sunny side up with a cooked yoke, or a simple request for cut small chillies in soy sauce to the usual palate for iced coffee and the almost-definite extra order of black pepper sauce; even before they tell you that's what they would want?
It's Friday.
And usually my alter-ego would emerge.
But this weekend is different.
It's a DCT...
Chances are, I may will enjoy this weekend as well.
I hope you do too.
I leave you at the turn of this week with this very fine line:
"It is the things in common that make relationships enjoyable, bit it is the little differences that make them interesting..."
Todd Ruthman
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Telepathy, Carving Hearts & Changing Lives...
"When you pick a life-partner, go for the one with the best communication skills; because when you’re both growing old together, it’ll be the only skill you’ll ever need..."
Let’s face it.
When we choose our "partners", we usually are attracted to certain things about them; their smiles, their voices, their physical attributes, their facial features, their "character" or sometimes the lack of it...
How often do we grow fond of that certain someone due to the fact that they know how to react to our needs, even smallest gestures or our subconscious body language?
Did we get a chance to know that person good enough to build up the comfort level with them to be able to communicate our thoughts well enough?
Have we put ourselves in a situation where we are able to anticipate the deepest feelings & emotions of that particular person?
Are we sensitive enough to notice the expressions on their faces at the slightest clue or faintest sign of discomfort or pain?
Believe me.
It doesn’t take supernatural human abilities to be able to do the above.
All it takes is what we often call "chemistry", the certain "spark", "telepathy" or just simply; the care & concern for the person whom you genuinely love...
Have you found that person who is so comfortable to be with, so comforting to hear speak, so understanding of your situation even when the least was said, who would anticipate all your emotions & knows how to care for your feelings?
It’s been said often enough that in our lives, people walk in & out...
Only those who make a difference would carve their names in our hearts.
My heart’s carved.
I have been blessed.
And now, I wait.
Let’s face it.
When we choose our "partners", we usually are attracted to certain things about them; their smiles, their voices, their physical attributes, their facial features, their "character" or sometimes the lack of it...
How often do we grow fond of that certain someone due to the fact that they know how to react to our needs, even smallest gestures or our subconscious body language?
Did we get a chance to know that person good enough to build up the comfort level with them to be able to communicate our thoughts well enough?
Have we put ourselves in a situation where we are able to anticipate the deepest feelings & emotions of that particular person?
Are we sensitive enough to notice the expressions on their faces at the slightest clue or faintest sign of discomfort or pain?
Believe me.
It doesn’t take supernatural human abilities to be able to do the above.
All it takes is what we often call "chemistry", the certain "spark", "telepathy" or just simply; the care & concern for the person whom you genuinely love...
Have you found that person who is so comfortable to be with, so comforting to hear speak, so understanding of your situation even when the least was said, who would anticipate all your emotions & knows how to care for your feelings?
It’s been said often enough that in our lives, people walk in & out...
Only those who make a difference would carve their names in our hearts.
My heart’s carved.
I have been blessed.
And now, I wait.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
1+1=3?
"Dreams are answers to questions which we haven’t yet figured out how to ask..."
As we descend into slower respiratory rates especially in the state of what others would know as “sleep”, our body will find its way to rest itself; cells regenerate, blood count multiplies, skin will shed to provide a new layer of protection and our most mystical organ of all – the brain – as it tries to recuperate from the bantering & bashing of the day, takes us on journeys which we may never experience in full flesh.
This process is often called “dream”.
I have posted countless entries in here to conjure up boredom.
So too about hopes, wishes & expectations.
But what you are about to find here today could be the very result of all that has been going on in my tireless mind, my seemingly unending quest for that “Holy Grail” of love & life itself, which hurts so bad, it exceeds even the examples of the moments where I have had my share of the highest level of pain & aches or my tolerance of these.
Sure.
I have dreams which I know I can fulfil.
In fact, I have had a bunch of things I can be proud of.
Not because I have set the bar too low (it is after all, me we’re talking about!), but because I have the mental visualization of its realisation.
Because I know that the road to take is not simple, the sacrifices incurred would not be small and I am willing to do what it takes to make it happen.
In so many aspects of my fulfilling life, I feel that there should be nothing which can put out the fire in me; especially if the dream is a worthwhile goal & I am able to control any sets of circumstances or situations I am in, no matter how absurd or adverse they may appear.
It’s been said that my tenacity, complemented with my intelligence, aptitude & charisma, there should be nothing which could hold me back.
I dare say that I shouldn’t be seen as pretentious or boastful to mention that I have my blocks of effort rewarded & I have the results to show for.
But this time, it’s different.
Totally...
For once in my waking memory, I feel absolutely out of control.
The very fact that I am not able to, or bring myself to, attempt to manipulate this set of circumstances & situation with just my capabilities & my 165 somehow puts me at a standstill.
Never had I felt such stagnancy, even though at times, things may appear to progress well.
Because of the simple truth that nobody, not even I, could gauge if the light at the end of the tunnel is meant for me.
That for the very simple reason as to say if it’s my "right" to claim it, I believe nobody could figure that out as well.
Not even the key players in this game, a game that has already taken its toll on my ailing mental & physical being, can paint a picture in my mind of what sort of a scenario would I logically say I could expect.
Insecure or unsure as I may seem, I do have my limitations.
In other issues, if things look bleak, I may just know how to turn them around to gain the upper hand & grab the advantage.
For I believe winning a battle is nothing if it means losing the war.
And my ability to fully utilise & maximise my resources is legendary among my circle of acquaintance.
However, this issue is different.
It tugs on very strongly in my 3/4 working heart.
It has been evident that even I can make bad judgements when it comes to issues as these.
But then, really, are the things I hold on to seriously that futile that at the end of the day, it would only cause more suffering & pain?
When all's lost, would the smiles & comfort experienced today only be something to feed my memories with?
Am I really throwing myself into the unending well of despair, eventhough the sensations & emotions flying around today seem so promising of a brighter & happier future?
When the curtains are finally drawn, would I walk out of this stage alone; bruised, bloody & fatigued?
Insecure?
You bet.
As we descend into slower respiratory rates especially in the state of what others would know as “sleep”, our body will find its way to rest itself; cells regenerate, blood count multiplies, skin will shed to provide a new layer of protection and our most mystical organ of all – the brain – as it tries to recuperate from the bantering & bashing of the day, takes us on journeys which we may never experience in full flesh.
This process is often called “dream”.
I have posted countless entries in here to conjure up boredom.
So too about hopes, wishes & expectations.
But what you are about to find here today could be the very result of all that has been going on in my tireless mind, my seemingly unending quest for that “Holy Grail” of love & life itself, which hurts so bad, it exceeds even the examples of the moments where I have had my share of the highest level of pain & aches or my tolerance of these.
Sure.
I have dreams which I know I can fulfil.
In fact, I have had a bunch of things I can be proud of.
Not because I have set the bar too low (it is after all, me we’re talking about!), but because I have the mental visualization of its realisation.
Because I know that the road to take is not simple, the sacrifices incurred would not be small and I am willing to do what it takes to make it happen.
In so many aspects of my fulfilling life, I feel that there should be nothing which can put out the fire in me; especially if the dream is a worthwhile goal & I am able to control any sets of circumstances or situations I am in, no matter how absurd or adverse they may appear.
It’s been said that my tenacity, complemented with my intelligence, aptitude & charisma, there should be nothing which could hold me back.
I dare say that I shouldn’t be seen as pretentious or boastful to mention that I have my blocks of effort rewarded & I have the results to show for.
But this time, it’s different.
Totally...
For once in my waking memory, I feel absolutely out of control.
The very fact that I am not able to, or bring myself to, attempt to manipulate this set of circumstances & situation with just my capabilities & my 165 somehow puts me at a standstill.
Never had I felt such stagnancy, even though at times, things may appear to progress well.
Because of the simple truth that nobody, not even I, could gauge if the light at the end of the tunnel is meant for me.
That for the very simple reason as to say if it’s my "right" to claim it, I believe nobody could figure that out as well.
Not even the key players in this game, a game that has already taken its toll on my ailing mental & physical being, can paint a picture in my mind of what sort of a scenario would I logically say I could expect.
Insecure or unsure as I may seem, I do have my limitations.
In other issues, if things look bleak, I may just know how to turn them around to gain the upper hand & grab the advantage.
For I believe winning a battle is nothing if it means losing the war.
And my ability to fully utilise & maximise my resources is legendary among my circle of acquaintance.
However, this issue is different.
It tugs on very strongly in my 3/4 working heart.
It has been evident that even I can make bad judgements when it comes to issues as these.
But then, really, are the things I hold on to seriously that futile that at the end of the day, it would only cause more suffering & pain?
When all's lost, would the smiles & comfort experienced today only be something to feed my memories with?
Am I really throwing myself into the unending well of despair, eventhough the sensations & emotions flying around today seem so promising of a brighter & happier future?
When the curtains are finally drawn, would I walk out of this stage alone; bruised, bloody & fatigued?
Insecure?
You bet.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Lucky Number 7
"Some of the greater things in life are unseen; that's why you close your eyes when you kiss, cry, or dream..."
1 freaky old man with a shopping cart
2 appointments raided by the same bunch of smelly & inconsiderate immigrants
3 phone numbers contacted
4 which made the heart race
5 different locations in 9 hours
6 in total
7 is button to press in future
What a day.
A hiatus of 3 days, I have been using this period to reshuffle the priorities of my life.
The 28" beauty which followed me home on the last day of last month is still standing there looking pretty.
But by the end of this week, it will be impregnated & I shall finally have my freedom.
It’s been a joyride, the emotional roller-coaster of "what ifs", "why don’ts" & "how comes"...
For every action comes a greater or equal reaction.
And through this principle alone, the seemingly silent & blissful one has spoken.
Maybe not in a way which we have expected, but nonetheless, nothing can keep the fact covered & the lid closed anymore.
Whether what was said is sincere or truthful, but the right is not mine to pass judgement.
And would it make a difference to my decision, it is also too late to decide differently.
For the guilt & conscience (or what’s left of it) has boiled over & it involves even more if the decision to retreat is made.
And for once in my life, I felt totally out-of-control.
All because it involves just too many heartbeats, too many restless pillows & simply too many affected appetites, and to say that I am not exactly enjoying the turn of events is definitely an understatement.
Maybe the truthfulness & the passion I have hung on to will make a difference.
Maybe, besides me, others would need to learn to let go.
Maybe the obvious will slowly be seen.
Maybe our tenacity will prevail.
Or maybe, some people will have to learn to 'see' with their hearts.
For the best things will usually elude our eyes.
I have learned to use that gift.
'Coz I have been prepped for 12 years.
And I am ready.
1 freaky old man with a shopping cart
2 appointments raided by the same bunch of smelly & inconsiderate immigrants
3 phone numbers contacted
4 which made the heart race
5 different locations in 9 hours
6 in total
7 is button to press in future
What a day.
A hiatus of 3 days, I have been using this period to reshuffle the priorities of my life.
The 28" beauty which followed me home on the last day of last month is still standing there looking pretty.
But by the end of this week, it will be impregnated & I shall finally have my freedom.
It’s been a joyride, the emotional roller-coaster of "what ifs", "why don’ts" & "how comes"...
For every action comes a greater or equal reaction.
And through this principle alone, the seemingly silent & blissful one has spoken.
Maybe not in a way which we have expected, but nonetheless, nothing can keep the fact covered & the lid closed anymore.
Whether what was said is sincere or truthful, but the right is not mine to pass judgement.
And would it make a difference to my decision, it is also too late to decide differently.
For the guilt & conscience (or what’s left of it) has boiled over & it involves even more if the decision to retreat is made.
And for once in my life, I felt totally out-of-control.
All because it involves just too many heartbeats, too many restless pillows & simply too many affected appetites, and to say that I am not exactly enjoying the turn of events is definitely an understatement.
Maybe the truthfulness & the passion I have hung on to will make a difference.
Maybe, besides me, others would need to learn to let go.
Maybe the obvious will slowly be seen.
Maybe our tenacity will prevail.
Or maybe, some people will have to learn to 'see' with their hearts.
For the best things will usually elude our eyes.
I have learned to use that gift.
'Coz I have been prepped for 12 years.
And I am ready.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Hopes, Wishes & Expectations...
"Maybe... you should hope for enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, and enough hope to make you happy..."
HOPE -
[noun]
: something good that you want to happen in the future, or a confident feeling about what will happen in the future
[verb]
: to want something to happen or to be true, and usually have a good reason to think that it might
"H.O.P.E.", my favourite 4-lettered word.
It is hope that keeps me going, the fuel that ignites my passion towards the dream I am striving to achieve & the very fire that keeps me alive.
For without hope, I feel I may as well be dead.
Hope should not be mistaken for wishes or expectations.
They are different, and they apply to different things or aspects in our lives.
I was acquainted with a way of thought not too long ago, that there are 3 levels of hopes, wishes & expectations.
Allow me to illustrate as such;
That in our lives, there are:
- things which we’d need to have;
- things which we’d want to have; and
- things which would be good to have.
Usually, things we need are the basic that we can expect when we make a choice.
When that choice is made, we would want it to be of a certain criteria.
And above all else, if there is an unexpected benefit that comes with the package, it’ll be good to have.
Ponder on this statement:
"It’s Friday again, and I sure 'hope' that this weekend would be a different kind of weekend. Will that be too much to ask for?"
Get it?
Difficult to digest?
Well, try.
HOPE -
[noun]
: something good that you want to happen in the future, or a confident feeling about what will happen in the future
[verb]
: to want something to happen or to be true, and usually have a good reason to think that it might
"H.O.P.E.", my favourite 4-lettered word.
It is hope that keeps me going, the fuel that ignites my passion towards the dream I am striving to achieve & the very fire that keeps me alive.
For without hope, I feel I may as well be dead.
Hope should not be mistaken for wishes or expectations.
They are different, and they apply to different things or aspects in our lives.
I was acquainted with a way of thought not too long ago, that there are 3 levels of hopes, wishes & expectations.
Allow me to illustrate as such;
That in our lives, there are:
- things which we’d need to have;
- things which we’d want to have; and
- things which would be good to have.
Usually, things we need are the basic that we can expect when we make a choice.
When that choice is made, we would want it to be of a certain criteria.
And above all else, if there is an unexpected benefit that comes with the package, it’ll be good to have.
Ponder on this statement:
"It’s Friday again, and I sure 'hope' that this weekend would be a different kind of weekend. Will that be too much to ask for?"
Get it?
Difficult to digest?
Well, try.
At The Beginning – Richard Marx and Donna Lewis
We were strangers
Starting out on a journey
Never dreaming
What we'd have to go through
Now here we are
And I'm suddenly standing
At the beginning with you
No one told me
I was going to find you
Unexpected
What you did to my heart
When I lost hope
You were there to remind me
This is the start
Life is a road
And I want to keep going
Love is a river
I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road
Now and forever
Wonderful journey
I'll be there
When the world stops turning
I'll be there
When the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you
We were strangers
On a crazy adventure
Never dreaming
How our dreams would come true
Now here we stand
Unafraid of the future
At the beginning with you
Life is a road
And I want to keep going
Love is a river
I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road
Now and forever
Wonderful journey
I'll be there
When the world stops turning
I'll be there
When the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you
I knew there was somebody somewhere
Like me alone in the dark
Now I know my dream will live on
I've been waiting so long
Nothing's gonna tear us apart
Life is a road
And I want to keep going
Love is a river
I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road
Now and forever
Wonderful journey
I'll be there
When the world stops turning
I'll be there
When the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you
Life is a road and I wanna keep going
Love is a river I wanna keep going on...
Starting out on a journey
Life is a road and I wanna going
Love is river I wanna keep flowing
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you
Starting out on a journey
Never dreaming
What we'd have to go through
Now here we are
And I'm suddenly standing
At the beginning with you
No one told me
I was going to find you
Unexpected
What you did to my heart
When I lost hope
You were there to remind me
This is the start
Life is a road
And I want to keep going
Love is a river
I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road
Now and forever
Wonderful journey
I'll be there
When the world stops turning
I'll be there
When the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you
We were strangers
On a crazy adventure
Never dreaming
How our dreams would come true
Now here we stand
Unafraid of the future
At the beginning with you
Life is a road
And I want to keep going
Love is a river
I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road
Now and forever
Wonderful journey
I'll be there
When the world stops turning
I'll be there
When the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you
I knew there was somebody somewhere
Like me alone in the dark
Now I know my dream will live on
I've been waiting so long
Nothing's gonna tear us apart
Life is a road
And I want to keep going
Love is a river
I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road
Now and forever
Wonderful journey
I'll be there
When the world stops turning
I'll be there
When the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you
Life is a road and I wanna keep going
Love is a river I wanna keep going on...
Starting out on a journey
Life is a road and I wanna going
Love is river I wanna keep flowing
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Can't Smile Without You - Barry Manilow
You know I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm findin' it hard to do anything
You see I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
If you only knew what I'm goin' through
I just can't smile without you
You came along just like a song
And brightened my day
Who'da believed that you were part of a dream?
Now it all seems light years away
And now you know I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm findin' it hard to do anything
You see, I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
If you only knew what I'm goin' through
I just can't smile without you
Now some people say happiness
Takes so very long to find
Well I'm finding it hard
Leavin' your love behind me
And you see I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm findin' it hard to do anything
You see I feel glad when you're glad
I feel sad when you're sad
If you only knew what I'm goin' through
I just can't smile without you...
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm findin' it hard to do anything
You see I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
If you only knew what I'm goin' through
I just can't smile without you
You came along just like a song
And brightened my day
Who'da believed that you were part of a dream?
Now it all seems light years away
And now you know I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm findin' it hard to do anything
You see, I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
If you only knew what I'm goin' through
I just can't smile without you
Now some people say happiness
Takes so very long to find
Well I'm finding it hard
Leavin' your love behind me
And you see I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm findin' it hard to do anything
You see I feel glad when you're glad
I feel sad when you're sad
If you only knew what I'm goin' through
I just can't smile without you...
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Need Help? Don't We All?
"No matter how much you have, no matter how much you have accomplished, you need help too. No matter how little you have, no matter how loaded you are with problems, even without money or a place to sleep, you can give help. Even if it's just a compliment, you can give that!"
Powerful words, I received this as part of an email I received from the wise Counsellor.
Needless to say, this has made my day.
It actually puts me more focused into the tasks at hand, things I have left unaccomplished & people I may have neglected to show more than concern for.
And how energizing it is to receive such beautiful things at trying times such as these.
For however we see things; events take place, tides turn & leaves fall off the tree for a reason.
That reason, having been so elusive to my mind, is now being more apparent.
Assistance, being a noun far more acceptable in our lives today in this fast-paced world is a better way to say "Help".
We give & we take assistance for different reasons.
The more we feel repulsive towards that hand stretched out, the mere fact that it was there may make us feel desolate.
The more we try to run away from those who will stop at nothing to see us happy, the further it will be for us to find that ever-elusive “happiness”.
And maybe, when it truly comes, we may not know them in the form it presents itself, as such, it shall forever be gone & never to be seen.
But only 1 thing is constant in all the quests we may have in life.
That we are constantly looking:
For a peace of mind;
For a better way to live;
For that someone we can truly call our own.
My sincerest congratulations if you have found yours.
I have found mine as well, it’s the convincing her to reach out that will take some effort.
Powerful words, I received this as part of an email I received from the wise Counsellor.
Needless to say, this has made my day.
It actually puts me more focused into the tasks at hand, things I have left unaccomplished & people I may have neglected to show more than concern for.
And how energizing it is to receive such beautiful things at trying times such as these.
For however we see things; events take place, tides turn & leaves fall off the tree for a reason.
That reason, having been so elusive to my mind, is now being more apparent.
Assistance, being a noun far more acceptable in our lives today in this fast-paced world is a better way to say "Help".
We give & we take assistance for different reasons.
The more we feel repulsive towards that hand stretched out, the mere fact that it was there may make us feel desolate.
The more we try to run away from those who will stop at nothing to see us happy, the further it will be for us to find that ever-elusive “happiness”.
And maybe, when it truly comes, we may not know them in the form it presents itself, as such, it shall forever be gone & never to be seen.
But only 1 thing is constant in all the quests we may have in life.
That we are constantly looking:
For a peace of mind;
For a better way to live;
For that someone we can truly call our own.
My sincerest congratulations if you have found yours.
I have found mine as well, it’s the convincing her to reach out that will take some effort.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Indecisive Decision, Whatever?
"Maybe... you should dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be; because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you dream of, and want to do..."
The revelations during this weekend are amazing.
Eventhough the light at the end of the tunnel seemed imminent; the way ahead looks bleaker by the second.
Met a guy at a gathering recently who revealed too much of his "profession" – Taking Names, Changing Lives.
Mentioned that it is really not that difficult to do, all it takes is just new travel documents, a certified Death Cert, a sum of money & peace is yours.
Whoah, talk about having a "new lease of life"...
Having announced one of the most controversial decisions I have made to date was not easy for me.
Neither was it just a sip of bliss for my paternal source, as I found out.
But he had to know.
I was to tell him.
Then there was the "brother & brother mamak session" with our YB.
And what an amazing time wehad.
Wow, this fella has really grown up.
But whether the ears have really popped-out, let’s wait & see.
Of course, along the way, there had to be an offer.
An offer which would mean leaving behind all the things which matter dearly to me.
No guarantees whatsoever, not even sure if it is worth it.
But the thought that this could be the only way for me to finally execute my escapism would materialise.
It’s the perfect "get-away", would not be seen as an excuse to "run away", but the question of whether I will be able to withstand the pressure & live up to the expectation is also another factor to my decision.
Plus, a pringles + float session, which, if misconstrued may be seen as an attempt to go back to square 1 & forever be stuck in the "not-so-comfortable" comfort zone.
And then, there is the "breaking the news"
Funny.
Didn’t really get the reaction I was hoping for.
But then again, what kind of reaction was I expecting anyway?
Ah well.
We’ll see.
The revelations during this weekend are amazing.
Eventhough the light at the end of the tunnel seemed imminent; the way ahead looks bleaker by the second.
Met a guy at a gathering recently who revealed too much of his "profession" – Taking Names, Changing Lives.
Mentioned that it is really not that difficult to do, all it takes is just new travel documents, a certified Death Cert, a sum of money & peace is yours.
Whoah, talk about having a "new lease of life"...
Having announced one of the most controversial decisions I have made to date was not easy for me.
Neither was it just a sip of bliss for my paternal source, as I found out.
But he had to know.
I was to tell him.
Then there was the "brother & brother mamak session" with our YB.
And what an amazing time wehad.
Wow, this fella has really grown up.
But whether the ears have really popped-out, let’s wait & see.
Of course, along the way, there had to be an offer.
An offer which would mean leaving behind all the things which matter dearly to me.
No guarantees whatsoever, not even sure if it is worth it.
But the thought that this could be the only way for me to finally execute my escapism would materialise.
It’s the perfect "get-away", would not be seen as an excuse to "run away", but the question of whether I will be able to withstand the pressure & live up to the expectation is also another factor to my decision.
Plus, a pringles + float session, which, if misconstrued may be seen as an attempt to go back to square 1 & forever be stuck in the "not-so-comfortable" comfort zone.
And then, there is the "breaking the news"
Funny.
Didn’t really get the reaction I was hoping for.
But then again, what kind of reaction was I expecting anyway?
Ah well.
We’ll see.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Lucky Heart, Poor Soul...
"To truly experience love, you'll have to set it free or be prepared to lose it...
For if it comes back to you, it's yours;
But if it doesn't, it never was..."
How would you feel if you were told the following?
That to finally execute a plan which is something that was agreed upon after numerous effort of talks & negotiation, you’d need to instead fulfil some conditions which you clearly know is absurd?
That if these conditions are not met then it would be “Plan B”, which also comes with ridiculous terms which involves parting with (a huge chunk, like, 3/4 of) your savings & doing what you would not sincerely be faithful to?
That even having gone through this part of the ordeal, the other party still insists on coercing you to forget about both the plans & forget that everything has ever taken place, resume to the "normal" life, but of course: terms & conditions apply?
(It’s ok to go: "W.T.F., you live with the Devil who tricks you with fine print in the contract or what?" because I feel the same)...
Is it my fault that the warmth & care does not add up to the hostile & fervent questioning, acussations & suspicious actions, causing the sensation of restricted movements & oppressive nature of a relationship?
Would it be my problem if the resentment level is at an all-time high due to the fact that the only emotions that can be described is beyond sadness, pity or even are just downright repulsive?
Am I to be blamed that eventhough the fact that I am no longer physically fit to be part of such a roller coaster, that has not in any way deterred the abusive & judgemental ways of dealing with issues but instead has upped the level of difficulties for this 3/4-working heart of mine?
Would it be wrong to have found bliss & comfort in someone who cares & is concerned enough to even ask to keep half of my medication in her handbag, for me, just in case I may need it in an emergency, due to the constant stress, challenges & difficulties I so face on a daily basis?
Thanks to the constant obsessive compulsive behaviour, the feeling of being pushed against the wall or having the head forcefully pressed into the water as desperate attempts to stay afloat to just breathe cannot be denied or withheld any longer.
It has gone to the extend of desperate calls for help to even stay alive.
Well, it maybe another weakened weekend around the corner, but this is the weekend of all weekends.
Hearts will be crushed, lives will change, minds may be lost.
But the only thing I hope to keep intact is my soul.
For if it comes back to you, it's yours;
But if it doesn't, it never was..."
How would you feel if you were told the following?
That to finally execute a plan which is something that was agreed upon after numerous effort of talks & negotiation, you’d need to instead fulfil some conditions which you clearly know is absurd?
That if these conditions are not met then it would be “Plan B”, which also comes with ridiculous terms which involves parting with (a huge chunk, like, 3/4 of) your savings & doing what you would not sincerely be faithful to?
That even having gone through this part of the ordeal, the other party still insists on coercing you to forget about both the plans & forget that everything has ever taken place, resume to the "normal" life, but of course: terms & conditions apply?
(It’s ok to go: "W.T.F., you live with the Devil who tricks you with fine print in the contract or what?" because I feel the same)...
Is it my fault that the warmth & care does not add up to the hostile & fervent questioning, acussations & suspicious actions, causing the sensation of restricted movements & oppressive nature of a relationship?
Would it be my problem if the resentment level is at an all-time high due to the fact that the only emotions that can be described is beyond sadness, pity or even are just downright repulsive?
Am I to be blamed that eventhough the fact that I am no longer physically fit to be part of such a roller coaster, that has not in any way deterred the abusive & judgemental ways of dealing with issues but instead has upped the level of difficulties for this 3/4-working heart of mine?
Would it be wrong to have found bliss & comfort in someone who cares & is concerned enough to even ask to keep half of my medication in her handbag, for me, just in case I may need it in an emergency, due to the constant stress, challenges & difficulties I so face on a daily basis?
Thanks to the constant obsessive compulsive behaviour, the feeling of being pushed against the wall or having the head forcefully pressed into the water as desperate attempts to stay afloat to just breathe cannot be denied or withheld any longer.
It has gone to the extend of desperate calls for help to even stay alive.
Well, it maybe another weakened weekend around the corner, but this is the weekend of all weekends.
Hearts will be crushed, lives will change, minds may be lost.
But the only thing I hope to keep intact is my soul.
"Forever Love"
Artist : Gary Barlow
Love, it has so many beautiful faces
Sharing lives and sharing days
My love it had so many empty spaces
I'm sharing a memory now
I hope that's how it stays
Now I'm deep inside love and still breathing
She is holding my heart in her hand
I'm the closest I've been to believing
This could be love forever
All throughout my life
The reasons I've demanded
But how can I reason
With the reason I'm a man
In a minute I'm needing to hold her
In an hour I'm cold, cold as stone
When she leaves it gets harder and harder
To face life alone
Now my dreams are filled
With times when we're together
Guess what I need from her
Is forever love
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Forgive? Forget?
"Maybe...the brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; after all, you can't go on successfully in life until you let go of your past mistakes, failures and heartaches..."
But do we get to choose what we let go or what we don’t?
If our minds come in partitions (like my laptop which just recently crashed, resulting in my “unplanned” spending of over 1K on a couple of hard disks, since they are new, I was advised to create Drives C &D), it would be easier for us to choose “Format” in the options given.
How often do we hear the phrase “To forgive & forget”?
Do we really forgive?
Can we really forget?
I personally feel that there is not a sin in this world nor a crime which can be committed that cannot be forgiven.
For I truly know that the ultimate salvation, forgiveness, punishment or reprisal should come from the Big Boss alone.
And since He gave us a sensory perceptional ability called “memory”, He either wants us to remember the things we’re set out to achieve in order to attain greater heights & be in His liking; or He wants us to remember the values which makes our lives meaningful so we will understand that He put us all here for a reason.
Whatever this “gift” is for, it has been sort of like a curse to me.
That is not to say I don’t forget things, I just happen to remember even the most painful of words, actions or deeds.
How nice if we can just delete certain things in our minds & just move on?
Wouldn’t it be great if we can just avoid a certain person in a situation hoping they too would forget?
Or would it seriously need a level of brain damage or injury to the head to induce amnesia to truly ever live happily ever after?
Maybe the biggest lesson I have learned over these past few days is to learn to let go.
Not everything, after all, I am convinced & I have been constantly reminded that certain people who would do anything to assist me in this troubled times, even sharing living space.
And then there is the Angel who would even give up parts of her life to see me in a different state of mind.
For this reason alone, I shall, in the words of the Angel: “Walk with pride and passion, and live as a new person!”
The reason is simple: Circumstance is such that a decision has had to be made. No matter how difficult it is to do so, it happens for a reason. And to go back against that decision would cause more hurt & pain.
If the Boss would have an ultimate reason for such a matter to take place, I am sure He will guide us through it.
For never would He give us something we can’t handle.
We may come out of it battered & bruised, but He will ensure we will still walk out of it alive.
That’s the word.
The least we could do is firstly, walk out.
I may not be looking forward to the brightest future, but I am willing to wait more than a few more 12 years for at least a happy one.
If there is still one.
But do we get to choose what we let go or what we don’t?
If our minds come in partitions (like my laptop which just recently crashed, resulting in my “unplanned” spending of over 1K on a couple of hard disks, since they are new, I was advised to create Drives C &D), it would be easier for us to choose “Format” in the options given.
How often do we hear the phrase “To forgive & forget”?
Do we really forgive?
Can we really forget?
I personally feel that there is not a sin in this world nor a crime which can be committed that cannot be forgiven.
For I truly know that the ultimate salvation, forgiveness, punishment or reprisal should come from the Big Boss alone.
And since He gave us a sensory perceptional ability called “memory”, He either wants us to remember the things we’re set out to achieve in order to attain greater heights & be in His liking; or He wants us to remember the values which makes our lives meaningful so we will understand that He put us all here for a reason.
Whatever this “gift” is for, it has been sort of like a curse to me.
That is not to say I don’t forget things, I just happen to remember even the most painful of words, actions or deeds.
How nice if we can just delete certain things in our minds & just move on?
Wouldn’t it be great if we can just avoid a certain person in a situation hoping they too would forget?
Or would it seriously need a level of brain damage or injury to the head to induce amnesia to truly ever live happily ever after?
Maybe the biggest lesson I have learned over these past few days is to learn to let go.
Not everything, after all, I am convinced & I have been constantly reminded that certain people who would do anything to assist me in this troubled times, even sharing living space.
And then there is the Angel who would even give up parts of her life to see me in a different state of mind.
For this reason alone, I shall, in the words of the Angel: “Walk with pride and passion, and live as a new person!”
The reason is simple: Circumstance is such that a decision has had to be made. No matter how difficult it is to do so, it happens for a reason. And to go back against that decision would cause more hurt & pain.
If the Boss would have an ultimate reason for such a matter to take place, I am sure He will guide us through it.
For never would He give us something we can’t handle.
We may come out of it battered & bruised, but He will ensure we will still walk out of it alive.
That’s the word.
The least we could do is firstly, walk out.
I may not be looking forward to the brightest future, but I am willing to wait more than a few more 12 years for at least a happy one.
If there is still one.
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