Complicated Mind...

"How easy it would be if we could just simplify the mind of a complicated person..."


These week has been very eventful.
In fact, it’s been one of the most colourful moments I’ve had in a long time.
But as faced-paced as it may have seemed to be, there were of course a few important moments which I seriously feel would make a difference.


It’s been a moment of discovery.
For the answers which I have been searching for, of course, not all are fruitful as I have intended.

But in the process of asking the questions, I have learned that not all of them needed to be answered.

And in the end, I realised that the facts have been laid out in front of my very own eyes all these while.



It’s also a moment of comfort.
For the feeling of being insecure are addressed somehow, that it was really unwarranted & things should be taken a step at a time.

But unless issues are ironed out & words are traded, there will never be an avenue for an understanding.

And I realised, that no matter how many times certain words could be repeated, they would still not mean a thing if they don’t come from the heart.



It’s a moment of recognition, nonetheless.
For out of the many automobile car clubs, the Sakura Stallionz were invited to one of the biggest gathering of motoring enthusiasts which provided the platform for the team to grow.

But still, as usual, things did not always happen as we have expected them to, resulting in certain levels of frustrations no thanks to the inability to meet certain objectives.

And then it occurs to me that perhaps, the only way to truly enjoy the limelight as a leader of the team & to ensure the sentiments of the members are contained, I would have to forgo my perception of perfection & allow the remnants of the events to be as memorable as possible.



It’s a moment of deliverance as well.
For it has been some time since I last walked a whole complex on my own & I must admit, it really feels liberating as for once, I did not have to look left or right or ask if there’s anything else we may have left out. Not to say I don’t enjoy doing these, but just to strengthen the conviction that there is just enough company when you’re alone.

But then, barely half a movie into the 2-movie marathon, my thoughts were automatically transported away, bits by bits, pieces by pieces just as how the plot of the movie gets thicker.

And I end up not being able to stop myself from actually buying stuff for her instead of my earier intention to pamper myself through retail therapy.



It’s a moment of unlimited connectivity.
For the Batcave is finally broadband-ready, many thanks to Robyn who, in the first place; took the set of internet connection application form from the management office, sent an enquiry email to the service providing company for them to contact me, inspired me to finally fill out the form, waited with me while the bunch of installation contractors were doing their work at the Batcave, purchased a wifi router at an exceptionally good price & even assigned the very best IT Whiz-kid on the block to come over to the Batcave just moments before midnight to configure the wifi settings so that I could go online that night itself.

But I have had my doubts, for despite the "freedom of connection", I was worried that "physical time" would be lost.

And I had to ask the stupid question, if that would happen.
Of course, I wouldn’t say I know what sort of reply to expect or whether I liked what I heard, but somehow; I guess I should have known better that the answer would have been just that.



It’s also been a moment of reflection.
For out of my mom’s 5 brothers, 4 have had one form of experience with cardiovascular disease, the latest being our Uncle James who is now recuperating in ICU from a triple-bypass performed on him yesterday. His 2 younger brothers did not enjoy his fortune, they checked out when anybody could find out that they had such a problem.

But until we change the way we live or we manage to convince our mothers (who cook for us most of the time) that that extra spoonful of lard would only make our lives more miserable while only entertaining our tongues, we would only be blaming genetics.

And it may have been too late to do anything by then because there would not have been a point to achieve anything at that time as well.

Rest well, Uncle James. Get well soon.
We have many things to catch up on, because it’s been a while since we’ve last met.


Well, there you have it.
It really is simple to find out what would be considered important in my complicated mind.

Easy, isn’t it?

Life Well Spent...

"What's the use of having everything we want, when we can't even take care of the important things we need?"


There are some people whom we hope to have the opportunity to meet; but when we meet them, we doubt if they’re really the right person.
Most probably, it’s best not to have met them at all...

There are some things which we hope to have the opportunity to achieve; but when that time comes, we would have lost interest to do it altogether & forget why we even bothered to think about getting it done in the first place...

There could also be some words which we may have kept in our hearts, eagerly waiting for the right time to be spoken, hoping that someone would understand it when we say them; but when the timing seemed perfect; we find that the cat has stolen our tongue...

There is also the love which waits for a chance to be expressed in thoughts, words & deeds; but when loves overflows its brim, the word "love" itself has lost its very meaning...



Then, there are people who get the opportunity to be with each other very frequently; however, they never seem to find the means for a fulfilling communication.
Finally, there just seem to be no reason to be with each other anymore.

There are also things which we may have every opportunity to achieve & make a difference; but we choose to procrastinate & think that all these can wait.
When we finally feel that we’re up to it & would want to get them done, that opportunity may have been taken away & we could only wallow in self-pity thinking why we couldn’t have done all those earlier.

Of course, there are also words that we have all the opportunity to say; but due to our egos or we expect others to accept our nature for such things, we would rather put them off for another time & day, or choose not to say them.
But when we finally want to say them, the person to say these to may no longer be around to hear them.

And the painful truth of the matter is that there are many occasions when love was so bountiful to be enjoyed & experienced; but we never really appreciated this fact & never really did cherish anything.
And when we finally are ready to accept this love, it could very well be already too late.


Life is such, fragility at every corner.
We can never know what happens tomorrow.
Or if there will ever be a tomorrow.


For before we know it, we would have wasted our lives on things which did not matter at all in the first place, and having forsaken what it is that could have made us happier.
Or worse, ignoring the happiness & the opportunity to truly make a difference in other’s lives by simply just, loving them.

We may go around in circles while being caught up in our everyday worries, physically & emotionally fatigued, while all the while focusing on the wrong people, items or events.
And we end up asking, why certain things didn’t work out when it is us who couldn’t recognise it when it’s at work.


Suddenly, you realise that relationships are as fragile as life itself.


Having braced through the storm may not necessarily help to improve certain relationship, for it would mean a disaster anyhow if both party did not work together to stay afloat.
It’s the folding of the sail together at the end of the storm which may make the difference.


Would we be able to let go of certain grudges or bad episodes to truly cherish one another?
For, wasn’t it fate that has brought us together?

We should always count our blessings.
Instead of being separated, even if we live across each other’s dwellings, we may not have bumped into each other.
We may have continued on in our daily lives, doing what we think is important, saying what we want to say, meeting whom we would want to meet, throwing our love away to people who may not even matter to begin with.


Really, that when we finally realise that you & I are truly made for each other, when we are in each other’s arms in that long-awaited embrace, the warmth of it will only make us burst out in laughter of joy & happiness.
We could also very well be kicking ourselves as to why it took such a long time to realise what is already very evident.
And then, when we look back, we would have already spent almost half of our lives searching for what has already been in front of us all these while.


So, cherish all that you have today.
For each & every person around you are there for a reason.
Things are done or left undone, said or left unsaid are all for a bigger cause.


So that you & I could find ourselves in each other’s embrace for many, many more lifetimes to come.

Fish by the Kilo, Anyone?

"Take nothing but memories, while you leave footprints in others’ hearts..."


I am sure most of us are occupied one way or another by our passions.
Some of us, it is our work.
Not the job, I meant our work.

For things that you are passionate about should not be that which sustains your livelihood, because passionate or not, you’d still have to do it.


Some of us; our hobbies.
And I know a few people who have quite a few of these as well.

Some of us; our friends & family.
We’re passionate about them.
But then again, how sure are you that they would feel the same?

Good point huh?


Whereas for me, I am passionate about 1 thing; to make each & every day a memorable one.

I pride myself with the bane of a good memory.
Selective, if you may, while I have been described as a person who would only remember the stuff which I so choose to remember.

And since I find it difficult to forget mostly the bad stuff, why not make everything which is good as memorable as the mind can take me?

Of course, not every day is a highlight of the week.
However, I always try my best to take a mental picture of the moments of the day, no matter how insignificant they may seem.

It is interesting how things unfold as the day draws to a close, coz at the end of the day, whatever that has happened, the people we have met, the words that have been spoken should be as unique as the new day itself.

As such, every single note I read, every word I hear & every little detail would not escape my senses.
Especially those of the people who matter to me in my life.
Every smile, every frown, every sigh would mean deeply to me.


Life is defined by these moments, not by the years in our age...


But in the midst of this blinding passion of mine to make the day memorable, some things would inevitably be forsaken; for example, how would she feel if everything she says or does would seem to be under scrutiny?

How little is the space that she would feel entrapped in when I tend to make every arrangement of the day so that I could remember them as I would want to, without figuring if that is really what she wanted?

Wouldn’t I then be selfish, for what I am passionate about in the day may not be such a driving force for others whom I have taken all the liberty in the world to include?

As such, wouldn’t it be a totally fresh revelation to be told that I may have not been very sensitive to her feelings since I have not been liberal enough to even ask if that is what she really wants to do?

As egoistic as I am, I must admit, that in my quest to keep my passion burning & thinking everybody’s happy since I am happy, I was really very selfish.
I cannot deny that I have been self-centred, that only my goals are to be met & I would want to be the one who goes home smiling.

I have failed to realise that this is the very fundamental basis of a relationship: Space.

That once, this was the reason I was feeling strangled & looking back at some of my earlier postings in this blog, I was once struggling to stay afloat as well.


It didn’t matter that the fear of losing someone is now more empowering than the joy of the possibility of winning her over for life.

Well, I have learned a lesson.
I pray that most of you would not have to.


I am really glad I did.


P.S.: Managed to catch the 3 stories posted earlier today? Go ahead, scroll down. Enjoy them...

Modern Fables...

I have come across these stories in an email I received from a dear friend.
Thanks for sharing.

These really hit me hard.
Let's hope we can all learn from them as well.

Cheers.


1. The Turtles

A turtle family decided to go on a picnic. The turtles, being naturally slow about things, took seven years to prepare for their outing. Finally the turtle family left home looking for a suitable place. During the second year of their journey they found a place ideal for them at last!

For about six months they cleaned the area, unpacked the picnic basket, and completed the arrangements. Then they discovered they had forgotten the salt.
A picnic without salt would be a disaster, they all agreed. After a lengthy discussion, the youngest turtle was chosen to retrieve the salt from home.

Although he was the fastest of the slow moving turtles, the little turtle whined, cried, and wobbled in his shell. He agreed to go on one condition: that no one would eat until he returned. The family consented and the little turtle left.

Three years passed and the little turtle had not returned.

Five years...six years... then on the seventh year of his absence, the oldest turtle could no longer contain his hunger.
He announced that he was going to eat and begun to unwrap a sandwich.
At that point the little turtle suddenly popped out from behind a tree shouting,

'See! I knew you wouldn't wait. Now I am not going to go get the salt.'


[Some of us waste our time waiting for people to live up to our expectations. We are so concerned about what others are doing that we do not do anything ourselves...]




2. The Frogs

A farmer came into town and asked the owner of a restaurant if he could use a million frog legs.
The restaurant owner was shocked and asked the man where he could get so many frog legs!

The farmer replied, 'There is a pond near my house that is full of frogs - millions of them. They all croak all night long and they are about to make me crazy!'

So the restaurant owner and the farmer made an agreement that the farmer would deliver frogs to the restaurant, five hundred at a time for the next several weeks.

The first week, the farmer returned to the restaurant looking rather sheepish, with two scrawny little frogs.
The restaurant owner said, 'Well... where are all the frogs?'
The farmer said, 'I was mistaken. There were only these two frogs in the pond. But they sure were making a lot of noise!'


[Next time you hear somebody criticizing or making fun of you, remember, it's probably just a couple of noisy frogs. Also remember that problems always seem bigger in the dark. Have you ever laid in your bed at night worrying about things which seem almost overwhelming like a million frogs croaking? Chances are pretty good that when the morning comes, and you take a closer look, you'll wonder what all the fuss was about...]



3. The Pretty Lady

Once upon a time a big monk and a little monk were traveling together. They came to the bank of a river and found the bridge was damaged. They had to wade across the river. There was a pretty lady who was stuck at the damaged bridge and couldn't cross the river.

The big monk offered to carry her across the river on his back. The lady accepted. The little monk was shocked by the move of the big monk.

'How can big brother carry a lady when we are supposed to avoid all intimacy with females?' thought the little monk.
But he kept quiet... The big monk carried the lady across the river and the small monk followed unhappily.

When they crossed the river, the big monk let the lady down and they parted ways with her. All along the way for several miles, the little monk was very unhappy with the act of the big monk.
He was making up all kinds of accusations about big monk in his head. This got him madder and madder. But he still kept quiet. And the big monk had no inclination to explain his situation.

Finally, at a rest point many hours later, the little monk could not stand it any further, he burst out angrily at the big monk.

'How can you claim yourself a devout monk, when you seize the first opportunity to touch a female, especially when she is very pretty? All your teachings to me make you a big hypocrite!'

The big monk looked surprised and said, 'I had put down the pretty lady at the river bank many hours ago, how come you are still carrying her along?'


[This very old Chinese Zen story reflects the thinking of many people today. We encounter many unpleasant things in our life, they irritate us and they make us angry. Sometimes, they cause us a lot of hurt, sometimes they cause us to be bitter or jealous ...
But like the little monk, we are not willing to let them go away.We keep on carrying the baggage of the 'pretty lady' with us. We let them keep on coming back to hurt us, make us angry, make us bitter and cause us a lot of agony. Why? Simply because we are not willing to put down or let go of the baggage of the 'pretty lady'. We should let go of the pretty lady immediately after crossing the river.

This will immediately remove all our agonies. There is no need to be further hurt by the unpleasant event after it is over...]

My Left Eye...

"There are 4 things in life that we must never break: trust, relationship, promise & heart; for when these break there is no sound but eternal pain..."



I finally replaced the box of tissue paper in the car, after having a new box in standby mode for a couple of days.

No, not because I was lazy to replace it, there were about 3 pieces of tissue paper left in the old one.

I am sure, coz I finally used them up last night.
And I had to struggle to get off the car coz all that "wiping" displaced the contact lens in my left eye.
These things don’t wear as easily as they used to, many thanks to my ever-swelling eye bags.


I used to hear some people say, that being happy is more than an emotion.
It should also not be mistaken as merely feeling happy.
Some have also tried to convince me that happiness is more than just a state-of-mind.

But actually, I do not in any way need to be reminded, that being happy is a choice.

Somehow, I cannot be sure if this statement is applicable anymore.


I am constantly amazed by my own actions, my words, my thoughts & my reaction to certain things.

In fact, these few days, I am actually trying very unsuccessfully not to kick myself too hard for backing out of a decision which I have painfully made in order for things to turn out better; not necessarily better for me, but most probably very necessary.

For if I chose as such, would I be able to pick myself up again.
After all, things in life are more than just sticks that lay there for the picking.
If I ever garner that sort of courage to do it, would it be because I am not able to see any other option? If so, would it still be considered a choice?

If such is the move I take, would I then be able to choose to be happy?


So, is it still so much of a choice?

Living in the Now...

"Yesterday is History & Tomorrow's a Mystery. Today is a Gift, that's why it's called The Present..."


It’s been some time since I have last posted something.

Maybe due to the uncertainty of my own state-of-mind, the doubts which never seem to want to clear off, the insecurity I am facing...

For fear of creating an impression of taking you guys for a roller-coaster ride, I chose to "blog-hibernate" these few days while I sort of "sort out" what’s been playing around in my head.


Of course, there were some ups & downs.
When hopes were fulfilled & some expectations dashed.

Maybe the harshest lesson I have learned is not to expect anything, go with the flow, just do what comes naturally & be prepared that not all would go the way as we mostly wish.


Somehow, I have also buckled up some courage to figure out certain things.
Things which I have for so long, kept at the back of my head out of fear.

However, I found that the less I use my mind to process things meant to be sorted out by heart, the happier I became.
Needless to say, the reaction would mostly be positive, and happiness, as they say, is contagious.

Probably the line to the Barry Manilow classic comes to mind:
"You see I feel sad when you're sad; I feel glad when you're glad..."


I have also stumbled across The Great Counsellor’s blog by "God-incidence" (for there is no such thing as a coincidence) and what a revelation it has been.
To see things through her perspective is such an eye-opener for me.
The greatest gift by coming across this blog is to realise that there is always a different way to look at anything.

Well, you know who you are.
God’s job well done.


So, I guess for now, I would just soak it up while I can.
For there really is no telling what will happen next.


Heck, who can even tell me what would be up tomorrow?
For someone who would most probably skip a few heartbeats now & then, I am glad to be awake to the sound of my alarm & making that daily wake-up call to the person who matters most to me in this point of my life.


So no more fretting for me, I am afraid...
For yesterday’s gone & tomorrow is uncertain.

All we have now is today.
Cheers.