Complicated Mind...

"How easy it would be if we could just simplify the mind of a complicated person..."


These week has been very eventful.
In fact, it’s been one of the most colourful moments I’ve had in a long time.
But as faced-paced as it may have seemed to be, there were of course a few important moments which I seriously feel would make a difference.


It’s been a moment of discovery.
For the answers which I have been searching for, of course, not all are fruitful as I have intended.

But in the process of asking the questions, I have learned that not all of them needed to be answered.

And in the end, I realised that the facts have been laid out in front of my very own eyes all these while.



It’s also a moment of comfort.
For the feeling of being insecure are addressed somehow, that it was really unwarranted & things should be taken a step at a time.

But unless issues are ironed out & words are traded, there will never be an avenue for an understanding.

And I realised, that no matter how many times certain words could be repeated, they would still not mean a thing if they don’t come from the heart.



It’s a moment of recognition, nonetheless.
For out of the many automobile car clubs, the Sakura Stallionz were invited to one of the biggest gathering of motoring enthusiasts which provided the platform for the team to grow.

But still, as usual, things did not always happen as we have expected them to, resulting in certain levels of frustrations no thanks to the inability to meet certain objectives.

And then it occurs to me that perhaps, the only way to truly enjoy the limelight as a leader of the team & to ensure the sentiments of the members are contained, I would have to forgo my perception of perfection & allow the remnants of the events to be as memorable as possible.



It’s a moment of deliverance as well.
For it has been some time since I last walked a whole complex on my own & I must admit, it really feels liberating as for once, I did not have to look left or right or ask if there’s anything else we may have left out. Not to say I don’t enjoy doing these, but just to strengthen the conviction that there is just enough company when you’re alone.

But then, barely half a movie into the 2-movie marathon, my thoughts were automatically transported away, bits by bits, pieces by pieces just as how the plot of the movie gets thicker.

And I end up not being able to stop myself from actually buying stuff for her instead of my earier intention to pamper myself through retail therapy.



It’s a moment of unlimited connectivity.
For the Batcave is finally broadband-ready, many thanks to Robyn who, in the first place; took the set of internet connection application form from the management office, sent an enquiry email to the service providing company for them to contact me, inspired me to finally fill out the form, waited with me while the bunch of installation contractors were doing their work at the Batcave, purchased a wifi router at an exceptionally good price & even assigned the very best IT Whiz-kid on the block to come over to the Batcave just moments before midnight to configure the wifi settings so that I could go online that night itself.

But I have had my doubts, for despite the "freedom of connection", I was worried that "physical time" would be lost.

And I had to ask the stupid question, if that would happen.
Of course, I wouldn’t say I know what sort of reply to expect or whether I liked what I heard, but somehow; I guess I should have known better that the answer would have been just that.



It’s also been a moment of reflection.
For out of my mom’s 5 brothers, 4 have had one form of experience with cardiovascular disease, the latest being our Uncle James who is now recuperating in ICU from a triple-bypass performed on him yesterday. His 2 younger brothers did not enjoy his fortune, they checked out when anybody could find out that they had such a problem.

But until we change the way we live or we manage to convince our mothers (who cook for us most of the time) that that extra spoonful of lard would only make our lives more miserable while only entertaining our tongues, we would only be blaming genetics.

And it may have been too late to do anything by then because there would not have been a point to achieve anything at that time as well.

Rest well, Uncle James. Get well soon.
We have many things to catch up on, because it’s been a while since we’ve last met.


Well, there you have it.
It really is simple to find out what would be considered important in my complicated mind.

Easy, isn’t it?

Life Well Spent...

"What's the use of having everything we want, when we can't even take care of the important things we need?"


There are some people whom we hope to have the opportunity to meet; but when we meet them, we doubt if they’re really the right person.
Most probably, it’s best not to have met them at all...

There are some things which we hope to have the opportunity to achieve; but when that time comes, we would have lost interest to do it altogether & forget why we even bothered to think about getting it done in the first place...

There could also be some words which we may have kept in our hearts, eagerly waiting for the right time to be spoken, hoping that someone would understand it when we say them; but when the timing seemed perfect; we find that the cat has stolen our tongue...

There is also the love which waits for a chance to be expressed in thoughts, words & deeds; but when loves overflows its brim, the word "love" itself has lost its very meaning...



Then, there are people who get the opportunity to be with each other very frequently; however, they never seem to find the means for a fulfilling communication.
Finally, there just seem to be no reason to be with each other anymore.

There are also things which we may have every opportunity to achieve & make a difference; but we choose to procrastinate & think that all these can wait.
When we finally feel that we’re up to it & would want to get them done, that opportunity may have been taken away & we could only wallow in self-pity thinking why we couldn’t have done all those earlier.

Of course, there are also words that we have all the opportunity to say; but due to our egos or we expect others to accept our nature for such things, we would rather put them off for another time & day, or choose not to say them.
But when we finally want to say them, the person to say these to may no longer be around to hear them.

And the painful truth of the matter is that there are many occasions when love was so bountiful to be enjoyed & experienced; but we never really appreciated this fact & never really did cherish anything.
And when we finally are ready to accept this love, it could very well be already too late.


Life is such, fragility at every corner.
We can never know what happens tomorrow.
Or if there will ever be a tomorrow.


For before we know it, we would have wasted our lives on things which did not matter at all in the first place, and having forsaken what it is that could have made us happier.
Or worse, ignoring the happiness & the opportunity to truly make a difference in other’s lives by simply just, loving them.

We may go around in circles while being caught up in our everyday worries, physically & emotionally fatigued, while all the while focusing on the wrong people, items or events.
And we end up asking, why certain things didn’t work out when it is us who couldn’t recognise it when it’s at work.


Suddenly, you realise that relationships are as fragile as life itself.


Having braced through the storm may not necessarily help to improve certain relationship, for it would mean a disaster anyhow if both party did not work together to stay afloat.
It’s the folding of the sail together at the end of the storm which may make the difference.


Would we be able to let go of certain grudges or bad episodes to truly cherish one another?
For, wasn’t it fate that has brought us together?

We should always count our blessings.
Instead of being separated, even if we live across each other’s dwellings, we may not have bumped into each other.
We may have continued on in our daily lives, doing what we think is important, saying what we want to say, meeting whom we would want to meet, throwing our love away to people who may not even matter to begin with.


Really, that when we finally realise that you & I are truly made for each other, when we are in each other’s arms in that long-awaited embrace, the warmth of it will only make us burst out in laughter of joy & happiness.
We could also very well be kicking ourselves as to why it took such a long time to realise what is already very evident.
And then, when we look back, we would have already spent almost half of our lives searching for what has already been in front of us all these while.


So, cherish all that you have today.
For each & every person around you are there for a reason.
Things are done or left undone, said or left unsaid are all for a bigger cause.


So that you & I could find ourselves in each other’s embrace for many, many more lifetimes to come.

Fish by the Kilo, Anyone?

"Take nothing but memories, while you leave footprints in others’ hearts..."


I am sure most of us are occupied one way or another by our passions.
Some of us, it is our work.
Not the job, I meant our work.

For things that you are passionate about should not be that which sustains your livelihood, because passionate or not, you’d still have to do it.


Some of us; our hobbies.
And I know a few people who have quite a few of these as well.

Some of us; our friends & family.
We’re passionate about them.
But then again, how sure are you that they would feel the same?

Good point huh?


Whereas for me, I am passionate about 1 thing; to make each & every day a memorable one.

I pride myself with the bane of a good memory.
Selective, if you may, while I have been described as a person who would only remember the stuff which I so choose to remember.

And since I find it difficult to forget mostly the bad stuff, why not make everything which is good as memorable as the mind can take me?

Of course, not every day is a highlight of the week.
However, I always try my best to take a mental picture of the moments of the day, no matter how insignificant they may seem.

It is interesting how things unfold as the day draws to a close, coz at the end of the day, whatever that has happened, the people we have met, the words that have been spoken should be as unique as the new day itself.

As such, every single note I read, every word I hear & every little detail would not escape my senses.
Especially those of the people who matter to me in my life.
Every smile, every frown, every sigh would mean deeply to me.


Life is defined by these moments, not by the years in our age...


But in the midst of this blinding passion of mine to make the day memorable, some things would inevitably be forsaken; for example, how would she feel if everything she says or does would seem to be under scrutiny?

How little is the space that she would feel entrapped in when I tend to make every arrangement of the day so that I could remember them as I would want to, without figuring if that is really what she wanted?

Wouldn’t I then be selfish, for what I am passionate about in the day may not be such a driving force for others whom I have taken all the liberty in the world to include?

As such, wouldn’t it be a totally fresh revelation to be told that I may have not been very sensitive to her feelings since I have not been liberal enough to even ask if that is what she really wants to do?

As egoistic as I am, I must admit, that in my quest to keep my passion burning & thinking everybody’s happy since I am happy, I was really very selfish.
I cannot deny that I have been self-centred, that only my goals are to be met & I would want to be the one who goes home smiling.

I have failed to realise that this is the very fundamental basis of a relationship: Space.

That once, this was the reason I was feeling strangled & looking back at some of my earlier postings in this blog, I was once struggling to stay afloat as well.


It didn’t matter that the fear of losing someone is now more empowering than the joy of the possibility of winning her over for life.

Well, I have learned a lesson.
I pray that most of you would not have to.


I am really glad I did.


P.S.: Managed to catch the 3 stories posted earlier today? Go ahead, scroll down. Enjoy them...